We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
is it wise to have a baby at 41!!!
Comments
-
Sterilisation is a big op for a woman. Can't your OH be sterilised instead? It's an easier op for a man.
My OH had it done last year and was off of work 2 months(he was seriously ill with it) and friends have said they have had all sorts of problems with their vasectomys so i'd think about it seriously. If i knew what my OH was going to go through i would never have let him do it.
I think it is purely your decision as regards you having it. Maybe talk to other people who have had it done.I do feel that it would be terrible for you though if you did fall pregnant again( i only have 3 kids but there is the gap you will have and really you are just getting your life back to yourself and its gone again.I love my little one but feel a little regret that life was just getting easy and now its just got really hard again!).All the best though.0 -
I am in a similar position. I am 40 and don't want anymore but don't want to be sterilised. I have boys of 14,10 and 4. Too final for me sterilisation.
My doctor was telling me there are 3 different types of coil so there may be one more suitable for you. It lasts for 5 years.Money SPENDING Expert0 -
In my early 40 I had similar feelings about the possibility of another baby and a yearning for what might have been. I'd had several late miscarriages some years before and I also had three children. I almost flirted with the idea of a possible pregnancy, although I recognised that it would be a bad idea. When I was 43 I became pregnant, it was a genuine accident and I knew instantly that it was a disaster. My children were 16, 14 and 10, the youngest has autistic spectrum disorder. I was afraid for my own health and for my ability to do my best for my existing children. My husband and I had to consider the possibility of a termination and I cannot begin to describe the sadness and the anguish we faced. In the end nature made the decision for us and I miscarried at 8 weeks. It was a horrible time and the emotional turmoil continued for many months. We knew that our relationship would suffer if there was even the slightest chance of another pregnancy, so my husband arranged to have a vasectomy. He went into the GP surgery for the procedure, it was just an injection and a tiny cut. He was told to take painkillers for a couple of days. The procedure itself lasted only a few minutes and he was well enough to go for a coffee on the way home. He felt bruised for a few days, but he insists it is the best thing he has ever done and it has certainly given us the freedom from worry that was so important. Everyone is different and you will have to decide what is right for you, I wish you well whatever you decide.0
-
just because you stop the depo, ur fertility wont return straight away, as told by my doctor and nurse.
I'd been on the depo for just under 2 years, i previously decided that 2 children was enough, but now we've decided to have another.
I had my last depo jab in August 2006, and my periods still havent returned. after doing some research online. I find that its varies about 10-15months for fertility to return. so that will add another year on your getting pregnant.
before i took the depo, i asked both my Doctor and Nurse, when my fertility will return, and they said as soon as the 12 weeks is up. now i find its not the case
good luck with whatever you decide.0 -
It took 6 months for my periods to return after 18 months on depo and I came off it forthe same reasons you mention. 2 years later my periods haven't returned to a 'normal cycle'. though I accept this may be to do with my age (40).0
-
Can't add to the emotional side of things- you do sound like you have a full schedule as it is- can I suggest offering to babysit for someone who has a toddler? That would help remind you the freedom you have to sit down with a cup of tea when you need it, but running after toddlers is hard work- maybe if you see what you'd be missing it would make your decision easier?Member of the first Mortgage Free in 3 challenge, no.19
Balance 19th April '07 = minus £27,640
Balance 1st November '09 = mortgage paid off with £1903 left over. Title deeds are now ours.0 -
I think for a woman, your early forties are a strange time. Your mind is young, but your body isn't
(I'm 43).
I had a terrible yearning for a baby a couple of years ago - I think it was my body trying to tell me "Hurry up kid, it's now or never". My sensible head told me my family was more than complete(3 children of my own plus 2 step children), but my emotional head just kept saying "Baby NOW". Fortunately the decision wasn't mine to make because Mr Watcher had already had a vasectomy about 10 years ago.
These 'baby' feelings passed after about 12 months. I think it's part of my aging process. Don't get me wrong, I still like the idea of having a baby, but I realise it'll only ever be a dream. I like the growing independence of my youngest children. Soon (soon? - in 8 years) the youngest will be away to University and a whole new phase of my life will begin.
So no advice one way or the other. Just to let you know that in my experience these yearnings for a baby passed after a while.
Good Luck with whatever you choice is.
You cannot live as I have lived an not end up like me.
Oi you lot - pleaseGIVE BLOOD
- you never know when you and yours might need it back! 67 pints so far.
0 -
I have felt the same sometimes. it does feel like the choice to have another is slipping away. even though I was sterilised years ago.
but then I look at friends who had their family later and I am glad mine are almost ready to go to universityx x x0 -
it must be an age thing reading some replies, some people find it easy to decide some don't i suppose.
i think all this has been brought on by the thought of sterilisation, so maybe if i can get some other form of contraception long term, they might settle.
i will say, yes i do have my hands full and i do have probs of my own as well, so maybe i should start thinking more about that and how it would effect me physically and mentally.My youngest is hard work.
thanks for all your input it does help sometimes reading other peoples experiences and it's good to know you are not alone in a situation and others have experienced similar feelings.0 -
I started wanting another child last year. I'm sure it's all hormonal though because the sensible part of my head is filled with horror at the actual prospect. But, for a few days every month (when I'm fertile) I have an uncontrolable urge to get pregnant.
But, I'm 37, have 3 kids from 16 to 10, one has autism and a range of other problems. It would be silly to have another, the trouble is OH is more broody than I am so he's no help.
I do understand how you feel, I thought about being sterilised because I really have trouble with almost all forms of contraception. I can't take the pill or the mini pill, the coil was horrible for me, really painful. The injection caused the most awful migraines which dominated my life for 2 years (1 injection) and I still suffer now. But being sterilised is just so final, doesn't make sense really if you look at it logically, but since when were women's feelings/hormones logical?:A
:A"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid" - Albert Einstein0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.5K Life & Family
- 258.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards