is it wise to have a baby at 41!!!

donnalove

i have 3 girls,eldest nearly 15 (dyslexic),middle 12(behaviour probs not yet sorted), youngest 10( global development delay).

not sure why i'm posting this i think i need to get it out my system, recomended counceling but do they really help?.

right where to start, i have the depo injection which i love but hubby doesn't(loss of sex drive) i have recently been thinking about coming off it. I tried the mirina coil couple years ago didn't suit me so went back on injection.

the only next step i can think of is sterilisation but its the finality of it that scares me.

I suffer with depression that started with the stillbirth of my son 131/2 years ago. I manage it well at present by doing voluntry work for the mental health, i refuse to take medication(long story but medication i was taking 3 years ago messed up my digestive system so now all i will have is aloe vera juice and paracetamel if needed or antibiotics emergency only).

Thinking about sterilisation has now started my longing for a child off again and i'm worried how it would affect my mentality if i was sterilised, as i do and i think because of the loss i always will want another child.

i am trying to way up the pro's and cons, at the moment the only con's are having to start all over again and my age.
We have no debt now,financially can afford 1(thanks to this site), with having extension we now have room.

i think i'm looking for some words of wisdom, i think you lot give sound advise and i think getting other peoples oppinions will help better than a counseller.
i appreciate you cant give me an answer only i can do that.

mods i have posted it here but if you find somewhere more suitable could you please move it .

Bagpuss1973

hi donnalove

As you have already stated only you can decide.

The things I would consider is...how does OH feel? Would he be happy to plunge back into babyworld..if the answer is yes and you are both healthy then I would leave it to fate by stopping the contraception and if it's meant to be it's meant to be sort of thing...

Goodluck with whatever you decide.

Bagpussx

holstar

have you spoken to the FPA at all about other forms of contraception? Might other forms be more acceptable to your body, but less final than sterilisation? (they might not be, as I know some are better/worse at different ages) but might be worth a look at their website, as they have a load of information leaflets in pdf format on there

goodluck though

bunty109

Sterilisation is a big op for a woman. Can't your OH be sterilised instead? It's an easier op for a man.

Mrs_pbradley936

I am in my 50s but when I was young the doctors used to say you were "elderly" if having your first baby aged 23 or over!

Mother Nature says the best time is teens and 20s. Socially we think it is late 20s and 30s and with help it is possible well into your 60s.

crispeater

i agree with what everyone else has said, how does your oh feel about the tiny pitter patter of tiny feet again and if it does come down to it let him have the snip

Garnet_Gem

It's such a big step for you and your OH. You would be mid 50s with a teenager. Not always the best combination. One thing is sure, if you do decide to have another baby your OH must want it too.

Justie

I would definitely speak to your GP or family planning about other contraceptive options and speak to your husband about sterilisation options. It's a much simpler and less traumatic (body wise) for the man to be sterilised and if you have any doubts you could ask about storing sperm to give you a fall back option in future years (although not sure if this would be allowed). I wouldn't recommend you being sterilised as I think (could be wrong here) that you would then need to be on hormones for the rest of your life which would kind of negate the benefits for you. I can understand the thought process making you question whether or not you want more children and in the end only you and your OH can decide that but I would recommend you speak to a counsellor about it as it will help you work it out.

lil_me

With regards to children when older

My feelings used to be to say go for it, how lovely etc until I met a lady a few months back. She's now in her 60s with 2 sons one 18 and one 21 with Downs Syndrome and struggling so much due to her age. She worries day and night what will happen when they are gone, her older daughter has been chosen to look after them but she has always said, sometimes things don't go according to plan etc. She also knows it will be a huge burden on her daughter. It's something I've now seen the other side of, as before that only knew a person who had a baby when older and had a great experience, but she also had older children to depend on. His sister now I think back has been more like a mother to him.

Of course not every situation is the same, but it just really made me think. You have mentioned already having children with very different issues, but also take up a lot of your time. I am only 28 but have decided not to have any more children as I have one with Autism and one with developmental delays currently being assessed. It would be unfair in my eyes on my children I have now (especially DS1s difficulty with noise) aswell as any other child I brought into this world.

I would also suggest a chat with a FP nurse, to choose contraception and possible choices on if to consider having another child.

belfastgirl23

Def go to your local family planning. They are the experts in this area and should be able to give you advice about what contraceptive to use should you choose to do so. At your age if you want to use a contraceptive they might suggest you use natural planning and either condoms or the cap. Although they tend to encourage this if getting pregnant is not a huge disaster for you since these methods are not quite as reliable as the pill etc. Either way I've always found them hugely knowledgeable and very helpful.

donnalove

thanks for your replies

will defo book appointment at fpa

hubby is ok with having another, he isn't keen on idea of the snip though:(

I think if i could get some sort of different contraception that will suit me i wouldn't think about it so much.The only reason i want to stop the jab is obviously the libido and i cant seem to lose weight, in all other ways i'm fine with it.

But these feelings i have at the moment are so overpoweringever since i started thinking about this, its like my body is calling out for another baby, but my sensible side says no i have enough to cope with, but then the other side takes over and im so confused as to what i really want. I think the biggest obstacle is my age as i am 40 now but if i had another i would be 41.

i have decided i'm not going ahead with my next jab due 11th may.
will have to make sure hubby gets some condoms:o as we off to corfu that night,won't have the kids with us either.Might help me see things more clearly .