Are we worrying too much about our son's schooling?

samwich1979

Our son is now 21 months and we have started thinking about where we would send him for nursery and school at 3. Yes we know its a little early but the time has flown since he was born and it will come round before we know it!

Our worry is the area we live in isn't the best and is known for having a lot of poverty and deprivation. We live just on the outskirts of this area but the nearest primary schools are within this area and have got poor OFSTED reports and the children who attend go there with limited abilities due to family/social reasons.

Now myself and my husband were brought up well with good families around us, my family didn't have much and just got by but i was taught respect and manners and grew up a sensible, well rounded child(I'm 33 and my husband is 30) as did my husband.
Now the children i see today were we live are just totally different. Only yesterday myself and my husband got awful abuse from three 11 year olds for asking politely that they move their bikes from the middle of the pavement so we could get our son's pushchair past. The language was rather choice and its something you hear coming from young children's mouthes on a regular basis.
I said to my husband if that had been me saying things like that and my parents knew i would not be alive today!

With all this in mind we are worried about sending our son to school with a generation of children like this as we can see it is only getting worse.

There are two reasonably good schools nearby but are probably more than filled by children who live in that area, Ive looked at the OFSTED reports and seen comments made by parents and they come across as good schools but just don't know the chances of getting a place with not living in the immediate area.

We do have an exceptional private school about 10 minutes walk away from our house with a very good reputation.
The fees are around £2500-£3500 per term for nursery and pre-prep school depending on whether going part or full time.
This is too expensive for us but they do make use of 3-4 year olds free places and this would make it a little cheaper.
Granted bad children could end up in places like this but not as much as our local state primaries.

I earn £22000 a year and my husband is job hunting at the moment and caring for our son whilst i work.

We intend to bring our son up as well as our parents did with us and do not want this broken by sending him to a school which will undermine this due to the behaviour of others.
But it all comes down to luck of the draw or having money to afford private schooling.

What are your thoughts on this as its not an easy choice to make.

Our only other choice is to look into emigrating to Australia in the hope that life would be better there than here.

SmallL

If you 'bring him up well' his reception/primary school will have little bearing.
I went to a rather naff primary school, only 2 out of about 80 in the whole year passed the 11+ ( i was one of them). I wasn't affected at all by the misbehaviour of the other pupils, if anything i feel much more well rounded, having socialized with people from massively varying backgrounds.
Not all your childs classmates will be misbehaving, nor is it certain that the ones who do will influence him. I naturally gravitated towards and made friends with the sensible kids in my class.

Make-it-3

Can you move to the more favourable area? I know it sounds drastic but this is what parents do. Sinking schools do sometimes rise, but probably not in the time frame you have.

While some people get lucky, paying for a good education either thru school fees or by moving to a good catchment area are usually the only options.

SmallL

I would argue its not the quality of teachers that bring the school down, but the parenting that the children recieve that make them impossible to deal with.
Teachers are exactly that, however they should not be 'teaching' children about basic manners, respect and behaviour, thats a parents job.

aileth

It's certainly not a little early! I haven't even discussed kids with the OH and whenever I think about them I break out into a cold sweat about them growing up to be a lout, as we don't live in a particularly good area and the hobbies of choice of kids is smashing car windows and smoking, and even if we sent them to a better school farther affield, they'd still mix with those sorts playing outside!

I would say whatever you feel happy with. You don't want to fret all day at work wondering who your child is being influenced by, but then again the financial implications of private may mean your son might miss out on other opportunities (holidays etc), and also if something happened and you were unable to afford it, I can imagine it being a rather big culture shock, but of course it sounds like it'd afford you piece of mind. Sorry I can't really help, it's a really tough one and I can imagine myself being in that position!

motherofstudents

I think you are right to be concerned. My kids went to a primary school in a not very nice area (not really bad) and the teachers were good but when they went to the high school, some of the kids were absolutely awful. We tried to get them into a better school but as we didn't live in the area we had no chance.

I would not actually be too worried about their education unless the school in question is actually failing. My kids were very bright and did well in spite of the school (not the teachers, there were some good ones). It was more a case of would they be hurt at school by some thug, and what they would have to see and hear. Fortunately there were only three or four occasions when they were physically attacked but I never felt able to relax. The school did have a good pastoral care system.

I would have liked them to go to a nicer school with nicer children who as you say had been brought up properly but in the end it gave them a view of life which they might not have had otherwise. They both got 13 GCSE's and had music lessons, played water polo for the school etc. Then they both got places at a very good 6th form college,outside the area, got 4 A levels each and both got 1st class honours degrees. One is doing his Masters now and starts a PhD in September.

What I found was that they chose their friends from the decent kids and kept away from the rough lot. What I'm saying is I suppose they managed to get through it and it was probably part of their education, at least they are not snobs now who know nothing about life.

SuzieSue

No, now is the time to start thinking about your son's schooling. You need to seriously think about moving to the catchment area of a good school. If the local kids are as bad as you say then you do not want your child mixing with them.

samwich1979

I myself went to a rubbish primary school but only educationally rubbish, the children there were great, apart from the odd couple of naughty ones.
But it seems to be the norm now to see generally unruly children in areas of poverty and it really should worry others who have to school their children alongside them.

We have thought about moving closer to the state schools which seem to have the better reports and it is feasible but we are settled in the home we live in for now.

I agree with smallL that its not the teaching that is the problem, its the lack of boundaries and discipline at home and the poor schools take the brunt of it. Teachers are definitely not there to parent and never should be blamed for a child's bad behaviour but will have a baring on how the others are affected in the classroom.
The problem is some parents around this area are too worried about themselves and drink, smoke and take far too many drugs to even have a thought for their children, it really is terrible.

I know our son will thrive wherever he goes to school but i certainly also feel bad surroundings and influences can drag them down at such a young age.

mrcow

It's never too early to be thinking about schooling. It's so important.

My gut feeling is on a low salary with your husband out of work too, you simply can't afford private schooling.

You need to make a decision - do you want to edge your bets that you may or may not get into a better school in your area......or move now and don't take chances on school choice.

I'd know what I'd do, you'd settle just as well in your new home. But it's all about what your priorities are and what is feasibly possible for you as a family unit.

aliasojo

I'm moving from a good area to a deprived one.

I know someone personally, who works in the school in the 'bad' area who admits their school can't compete with the school in the good area and that they struggle every day because of the high level of parent apathy.

I cry every time I even think about it.

OP if you have the choice, do whatever you can to get your kid into the best school you can. Don't even try to kid yourself it wont matter. It will.

Purleygirl

I know how you feel, we went through this when my first was a pre schooler and she's now 23. It's really difficult, because if you're generally polite and well mannered it's quite a shock when you come across those who aren't, particularly children and you don't want your kids to be bullied because they're well behaved. Having worked in schools for several years as a teaching assistant in England in deprived areas I can honestly say that the polite, well behaved kids just got on with it. There were of course troubled kids and rowdy kids and kids that would square up to teachers, those who swore and threw chairs around the room. It is true though, that the majority of children are nice, polite and behave well at school. There will always be a small percentage who don't. I used to freak out about it until my children came home from school, still as well mannered as when they left home in the morning and I realised my worst fears had not been met. If your child is decent, he will shy away from the rough element. Of course there will be problems, ours was not having much money so the pressure was other kids went on hols, other kids had cool clothes and went horse riding, boating etc. But, at secondary school, it was a different story as then the real pressure starts and our son was bullied because he's small, wears glasses and stutters. We decided to bring our retirement dream of moving to rural Ireland early and moved 6 years ago. We are now mortgage free (house prices are low), the children are happy and settled and the behaviour of kids on the street is totally different from that which I experienced in some parts of England. My kids couldn't get over how well behaved and disciplined the school children were, and they had been to grammar schools. You can leave doors unlocked, cars unlocked and nobody cares what your house is like, what car you have, what clothes you wear. It is a totally different lifestyle. Anyway, I'm rambling on, all I can say is don't fret too much, because the primary schools aren't as bad as you think, the secondary schools in our experience, I stress, our experience, were traumatic for two of our three kids. The experience in Ireland has been fantastic for the types of people we are. If we hadn't left England, I would have had my son home tutored from secondary school age, you can do this yourself. But I know where you're at you want to protect them from the stress of urban living and chavs and it's hard. There are no easy answers.