Friend might be being used for a visa

InsideInsurance

Wow, how amazingly racist people are. I didnt realise people still believed so strongly this country is the land of milk and honey.

My uncle got similar "advice" from family, friends and random people about his Colombian girlfriend, that she was just after his money, just wanted a visa etc from people that had never met her, knew nothing about her and so were judging her purely on the basis of what country she happened to be born in. Well, 60 years on he still has his house and his wife and 4 children, 5 grand children and the first great grandchild is on the way.

Its a pity that after 60 years and increasing globalisation that as soon as you mention a third world country that most people assume the person is up to no good.


To the OP - you have no right to interfere with someone else's relationship and I would tell you exactly where to go if you were my friend and you asked to look at my wife's documents.

As a friend, you have expressed your concerns and they have been noted. As a friend your job is now to support her and if it turns out to be a true relationship then be happy for her and apologise. If it does turn out your right then to be there to help pick up the pieces without gloating or saying "I told you so".

Did you sign a prenup when you got married? Did you consider your partner was only with you for ulterior motives or don't any UK/EU males do that?

balletshoes

scooby088 wrote: »

OP I would call the immigration service immediately, I think maybe your friend may love this bloke, I think he may have other motives for wanting to get married.

He is obviously an over stayer and has got away with it for so long hopefully he will get deported back to africa so he cannot cause any more harm to your friend or anyone else.

he may not be an overstayer - we don't have enough information to make that judgement, and neither does the OP.

stinkybeard

I am worried for my friend. He has stated why he wants to marry her by March - Ie. To stay in the UK. Did you skip that bit?

Up until that point I had no opinion either way.

Errata

TBH I'd let her get on with it, you won't have to pick up the pieces when it flatlines.

FBaby

You've been a good friend by letting her know your concerns and the reasons for them. That is all you can do unfortunately or not as indeed, you cannot be 100% certain that he is taking her for a ride, just have very high suspicions.

A few years back a friend of mine announced that she had met someone on-line and she was confident he was a good one. Having been myself dating on-line and knowing how difficult to it was to meet someone, I was initially very pleased for her, but the more she told me about him, the more I started to grow worried that he was one of those scams people. Yet I worried telling her because I didn't want her to think that I was being a joy killer (I am naturally suspicious, she has a heart of gold). In the end, I decided to keep an eye/ear, but she went a bit quiet for the following weeks, until she finally admitted that he had asked her for some money with a sob story. I immediately knew that my suspicions had been right and gave her a link to testimonials. I hated myself for not telling her before, but she said to me that she wouldn't have listened and done the same anyway. She was really angry with herself, but at the same time, it made her realised that indeed you have to be careful about meeting new people, on-line or not.

You can't protect her, she is her own person making her own choices, learning from her own mistakes. Hopefully, she will prove you wrong, which I'm sure would make you happy in the end.

scooby088

balletshoes wrote: »

he may not be an overstayer - we don't have enough information to make that judgement, and neither does the OP.

Then contacting the immigration service would sort that out wouldn't it?

Welshwoofs

The only two pieces of information that stand out here are:

1. West Africa
2. 9 years as a student.

Come on....no course is that long - not even medicine! Colour me cynical but it seems to me that the guy has been playing the old 'stay perpetually in another country by doing endless dodgy courses on a student visa', there's been a crackdown on that and now he's casting about for a more permanent way to remain here.

If I were you, I'd search out the thread with the lady who married a Turkish guy purely because he pressured her as he wanted to remain in the country. Print it out and give it to your friend as a warning. Once you've warned her your job as a concerned friend is done and what she does then is up to her.

scooby088

InsideInsurance wrote: »

Wow, how amazingly racist people are. I didnt realise people still believed so strongly this country is the land of milk and honey.

My uncle got similar "advice" from family, friends and random people about his Colombian girlfriend, that she was just after his money, just wanted a visa etc from people that had never met her, knew nothing about her and so were judging her purely on the basis of what country she happened to be born in. Well, 60 years on he still has his house and his wife and 4 children, 5 grand children and the first great grandchild is on the way.

Its a pity that after 60 years and increasing globalisation that as soon as you mention a third world country that most people assume the person is up to no good.


To the OP - you have no right to interfere with someone else's relationship and I would tell you exactly where to go if you were my friend and you asked to look at my wife's documents.

As a friend, you have expressed your concerns and they have been noted. As a friend your job is now to support her and if it turns out to be a true relationship then be happy for her and apologise. If it does turn out your right then to be there to help pick up the pieces without gloating or saying "I told you so".

Did you sign a prenup when you got married? Did you consider your partner was only with you for ulterior motives or don't any UK/EU males do that?

Who says it's racist to inform the immigration, if this person is an over stayer then steps need to be taken to get him deported, He has broke the law and is continuing to break the law if he is found to be an over stayer. I dont care if he is the multi millionaire or a lowly NMW earner.

InsideInsurance

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The only two pieces of information that stand out here are:

The basic element that the OP clearly doesnt have all the facts doesn't stand out more?

stinkybeard wrote:

He has apparently been in the UK for around 9 years on some form of (student) visa.

zzzLazyDaisy

InsideInsurance wrote: »

Wow, how amazingly racist people are. I didnt realise people still believed so strongly this country is the land of milk and honey.

My uncle got similar "advice" from family, friends and random people about his Colombian girlfriend, that she was just after his money, just wanted a visa etc from people that had never met her, knew nothing about her and so were judging her purely on the basis of what country she happened to be born in. Well, 60 years on he still has his house and his wife and 4 children, 5 grand children and the first great grandchild is on the way.

This is not about racism. I am very anti-discrimination and do a lot of free work in this area. My own cousin is black (the one who got scammed).

This is about the danger of internet dating sites and the men and women (of all colours, races, and creeds) who haunt these sites preying on people who are lonely, vulnerable, and at a low ebb. This scam is well known and well documented. Do a google search for internet dating scams, I think you will be shocked at what you read.

Your relative would have met his wife in the 'real world' got to know her and courted her over a period of time. What happens on these internet sites is that the people who make a living from preying on lonely vulnerable people are very clever, and very patient. They reel them in and they know what they are doing.

Of course not everyone on these sites is a scammer. But they are very easy to spot, and easy to trip up - if you know what you are looking for and if you WANT to see what is happening. Sadly, the response 'but I love him and I don't want to lose him' is pretty typical of a person who knows deep down something doesn't add up, and just isn't ready to face it.

Dx