dont know what to do - part 2

accountingbod

Hi everyone

Firstly, i must apologise but I had my previous thread deleted as i was worried that my partner was looking on this forum and may recognise some of the particular stories.

For those of you who posted and offered advise, many thanks.

I wanted to say that on Friday, i went home and told my partner that we needed a break and that i was moving out.
I told her that we should meet up and talk after having some time away from each other.
We did that yesterday and things went okay. We both said that we missed each other very much and that we did want to be together. I did say though that i was exhausted and tired from our arguing and everything that i have been through.
I said that i would like us to remain apart for the time being and that in order for us to be together again, i wanted to feel like the romance and excitement of our marriage could be rekindled.

I am staying at my brother's (not a jolly) and am hoping that over the next two weeks we can go on dates and meet up and find those reason why we fell in love all over again.

I am hopeful that we can get back together.

I hope that by being apart we will not drift further but we both want it to work.

I know that if i were there, i would all too quickly feel overwhelmed and i want there to be a really fresh start.

Has anyone seperated for a short period to find that when living together this has helped?

Can anyone offer any advise on what worked during this seperation?

I am thinking of asking her out to dinner tomorrow night for example and then i already have a few other ideas that i think would be nice romatic things to do...

Thanks again for your replies before. I did copy them before the thread was deleted and they have helped me more than you can imagine.

bod

lika_86

Didn't see the original thread, so difficult to advise but if you only moved out yesterday, why not have some real time apart (ie. a few weeks) before launching back into dating. I think you both need to find yourselves again before starting to get the spark back to allow time to realise what you both want and to appreciate yourselves as individuals and to avoid falling back into the trap of arguing over things that are now done.

accountingbod

sorry, realised that was confusing. i moved out on friday and we met up yesterday.

Primrose

I think now you've made the decision to move out temporarily to have some space, you should do just that and ensure you benefit from the separation for reflection. Meeting up every couple of days will interrupt this process. Just as people go away to a formal "retreat" to reflect and cut themselves off from the world, you should do the same and not allow the distraction of making dates, sending texts, making phone calls to your wife, to interrupt your thought processes.

This sounds a little harsh but you will be wasting the whole point of being away from her and refining your thoughts if you're continually distracted. Surely the whole point of moving out was for both of you to think about how you are going to move forward. Save the romantic date for the end of your separation. You will both benefit more from the reflection and may well both find that complete absence has made the heart grow fonder and helped you both to crystallise your thoughts..

accountingbod

and that we are married!

dorisday

Yes agree with the above you need to give yourself more space than this its only monday now!!! and of course you will miss each other after only 1 day!!
Just take tiny baby steps not a big jump or you will find you are not even back to square one but minus square one x

accountingbod

thanks everyone.
This does help. It would be so easy for me to move more quickly than i know i should.
This is also because i know that she is ready now to try to start again. It is more me than her that is enforcing the seperation. That being said she said that she is being strong and does understand.

We do miss each other and i guess i was worried that too much time apart would mean that we ended up getting too used to not being with each other.

Primrose

Well if it is you who is enforcing the separation, then you had a reason for it. If you will re-read through your previous posts your frustration and mental exhaustion with all the arguing will be obvious. So give the space time to work. If you are both really serious about getting back together, you will have the patience to reflect on how you can avoid the same pitfalls in future. It will also give you both time to think seriously about what you're missing and what you might be losing.

accountingbod

thanks Primrose.
It is what i need to hear. I know i just need to stay strong at the moment.

Mojisola

accountingbod wrote: »

I am thinking of asking her out to dinner tomorrow night for example and then i already have a few other ideas that i think would be nice romatic things to do...

I agree with those who say that you should have a complete separation for a while.

If you then both want to try getting back together, remember it's a two-way thing. Don't do all the running. You arrange one meet-up; she plans the next one.

Mr_Toad

accountingbod wrote: »

Hi everyone

Firstly, i must apologise but I had my previous thread deleted as i was worried that my partner was looking on this forum and may recognise some of the particular stories.

And you don't think your reference to accounting studies and house renovation won't be a huge clue if she is reading these forums?

That is unless those are a fiction and you've really been studying something else and renovating a boat!

Either way I hope it works out for you so Good Luck