Advice needed - elderly friend needs to go into care

Tiglath

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Could she employ a companion (or two) to live in and help her?

In the old days this is what elderly ladies did when they had no other family to take care of them.

No she wouldn't let a stranger into her house, and to be honest the place is such a tip no-one else could reasonably be expected to live there. I once offered to take some time off work, go down and stay overnight and do her cleaning, and she's barely spoken to me since.

Sorry if I seem to be saying No to everyone's good suggestions - I'm feeding back what DH says, as he knows her better than I do. I suspect the neighbour is going to be in the best position to make suggestions to M and see what she says, but DH can at least discuss it with the neighbour over the phone. I don't know at what point anyone decides whether an intervention is necessary.

Tiglath

meritaten wrote: »

There does come a point when a persons 'agreement' can be overridden.
are you in contact with the hospital hun? who is her 'next of kin' on her notes?

DH thinks it's him and the neighbour, although they both always have trouble getting through to her on the phone whenever she's in hospital.

Person_one

Tiglath wrote: »

Yep he's already tried that one. She's in hospital at the moment and I don't know when she'll be out. Unfortunately we don't live anywhere near her - we're several hours drive away.

If she's in hospital now, then tell the nurses on the ward that you're worried she won't cope back at home and you think she should be assessed before she's discharged.

Torry_Quine

meritaten wrote: »

There does come a point when a persons 'agreement' can be overridden.
are you in contact with the hospital hun? who is her 'next of kin' on her notes?

Her agreement can only be overridden if she is able to be sectioned. As she has her mental faculties this seems unlikely.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

Some people are terrified of going into a home and being entirely dependent on unqualified young carers, lots of whom are absolutely wonderful but some of whom leave an awful lot to be desired.

It would terrify me too!

I hated the idea as well until my Dad reached the stage where he had no choice - after being in hospital for months, they were refusing to discharge him if he went home. He is now in a care home that suits him perfectly. There are very few young carers and all the carers are trained and experienced.

He has been able to chose his care home because he has a house to sell and so has been able to live somewhere that suits him. This lady will be in the same position.

cte1111 wrote: »

Based on what's happened with my Gran: your friend will be expected to pay for a care home out of her cash, then when it has gone down to £3,000, she can apply for a bridging loan. Her house would need to be put up for sale in the meantime.

The financial assessment ignores the first £23,500 that you have. What you have above that is expected to be used to pay for care. If you need nursing care you can try to get the NHS to pay for that but it's difficult to get.

If you are self-funding, you still receive your pensions and maybe pension credit, Attendance Allowance or DLA if you're entitled so you use your capital to make up the difference.

If she wasn't fit to sell the house, after any free money (apart from the £23.5k) the LA would pay and put a charge on the house to be repaid when the house was sold.

jackyann

Almost certainly the hospital will be arranging some sort of planning meeting that they will run past "next of kin". I think that both your DH & the neighbour need to speak to the sister / charge nurse and explain her lack of family (getting through to speak to her is a separate issue)
The hospital would have checked her next of kin with her, but I have known people lie about this (thinking that saves "prying")
Poor lady, and good for your DH & you for doing what you can.
I would say, do the best you can, but don't beat yourselves up over it; most people would have bowed out by now.

cte1111

Mojisola wrote: »

The financial assessment ignores the first £23,500 that you have. What you have above that is expected to be used to pay for care. If you need nursing care you can try to get the NHS to pay for that but it's difficult to get.

If you are self-funding, you still receive your pensions and maybe pension credit, Attendance Allowance or DLA if you're entitled so you use your capital to make up the difference.

If she wasn't fit to sell the house, after any free money (apart from the £23.5k) the LA would pay and put a charge on the house to be repaid when the house was sold.

According to Cornwall Council, it's only £3,000 that you can keep, if you own a property. I didn't think this was right but they are insistent. Would be interested to see anything in black and white that says this is wrong.

Mojisola

cte1111 wrote: »

According to Cornwall Council, it's only £3,000 that you can keep, if you own a property. I didn't think this was right but they are insistent. Would be interested to see anything in black and white that says this is wrong.

What's the present situation - she is in care and has a house that has to be sold? The council should be paying her care if she has less than £23,250 in cash and putting a charge on the house. When the house is sold, they will recoup what they have paid out.

Have a read through here -
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Factsheets/FS10_Paying_for_permanent_residential_care_fcs.pdf?dtrk=true

bugslet

Slightly different as it concerns my OH who is currently in hospital and due to move to full time residential care because of dementia and cancer. I have full POA.

Firstly the hospital had a best interests meeting for him and I think that the hospital should do so for this lady. Certainly relatives are encouraged in our area ( cheshire ) to attend and have their say; I don't know how you would be fixed given that you are not a relative, but it's worth asking.

2. It's £23.5k here as well that you get to keep and I understood that was a national level ( though I'm not an expert on it).

3. Absolutely no way to predict how she will react if she goes into a home. She may hate it, she may think it's great - I've known both sides of the coin with friends parents.

Sorry I can't say anything about the house as my OH has no property ( long story, we seperated, i bought him out of his share, he returned but never took up any form of ownership and we aren't married).

Best of luck to you; this is a very difficult situation when, as I read it, she is capable of making a decision, but no necessarly one that is in her best interest - I think if you have any dealings with the discharge team at the hospital, that is what you need to get across to them.

Mojisola

bugslet wrote: »

Sorry I can't say anything about the house as my OH has no property ( long story, we seperated, i bought him out of his share, he returned but never took up any form of ownership and we aren't married).

It wouldn't have made any difference if you were married to him or if he was an owner of the house - if a spouse or civil partner is to stay in the family home, it has to be disregarded from the financial assessment.

I'm not certain what happens if a couple aren't married and the house is owned by the person going into care.