Son Needs Advice -- Opinions Please

scubaleopard

My DS phoned last night . He is in the beginning stages of a new relationship --- you remeber the exciting bit

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Anyway the girl he is thinking of going out with texted him and said she is a Jehovas Witness as is her family. TBH we are a fairly normal family all the kids have been christened wI go to church occasionaly. MIL a big church goer but 3 children plus OH do Christenings weddings and funerals. i FIRSTLY FELT REALLY IGNORANT BECAUSE THE ONLY THINGS i COULD THINK ABOUT THEM IS THAT THEY KNOCK ON YOUR DOORS AND EVERYBODY WANTS THEM TO GO, THEY DONT BELIEVE IN bIRTHDAYS AND cHRISTMAS AND THEY WONT HAVE BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS. i SAID WELL OF COURSE EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE RESPECT FOR THEIR BELIEFS ETC AND MAYBE A GIRL LIKE THAT MAY BE A BETTER BET THAN A FULL BLOWN LADETTE BUT oh AND dd SAID HE SHOULD GET OUT NOW BECAUSE ALL IT WOULD CAUSE IS COMPLETE HAVOC.
Opinions please ( Sorry bout caps pressed the wrong button!!! 0

rchddap1

If one of my step daughters wanted advice on a similar thing I'd tell them to talk it over with their 'friend / boy-friend'. In otherwords for them to be told by the jehovas witness exactly what it could mean for the future should things go to their natural conclusion. That way they're prepared...and if there's anything they're not happy with then this is their chance to get out now.

Its his choice and he needs more information in order to make a rational decision.

Years ago my partner was going to get married...but was told he had to change religion first. He said no and walked away. Unfortunately in the process he left his partner pregnant and because of difficulties they all lost touch. He is in contact now of course, but he wishes he'd known about the ins and outs and the beginning of their relationship so that he could make an informed choice then.

sarahlouise210

I would say that he has to decide if he could live with the differences in opinions. Being a Jehovas Witness is obviously important to her as she has told him early on in their relationship. On a personal level ..if I thought the realtionship would be long term and would involve children then I would hesitate to continue. I could never risk my child not being able to have a blood transfusion or any life saving procedure...and I also could not deny them the pleasure of birthdays and christmas. That is my own view having had a friend at school who`s mother was a Jehovas witness. He was very sad, missed out on a lot and worried about if he got ill. There has to be common ground in a relationship..IMO

scubaleopard

The people on here are so brilliant-- Thanks already for your good advice

snowmaid

If a couple have not been brought up with the same religious upbringing, then the relationship is most likely in for a hard time, but love can overcome a lot. I think it would have taken a lot for this girl to txt your son with that info, because it is likely to scare away the average bloke! :rolleyes:

Having said that, if your son is serious about this girl, IN GENERAL they have high moral standings, which isn't a bad thing! The family will also most likely expect to meet him, unless she keeps the relationship away from her family.

But let him see how it progresses. Good luck!

Blink_2

My mum is a Jehovah's Witness and I can't imagine the fact your sons girlfriend is too making any more of a difference to a relationship than being any religion would.

if I thought the realtionship would be long term and would involve children then I would hesitate to continue. I could never risk my child not being able to have a blood transfusion or any life saving procedure...

Beside the fact that this statement is incorrect, why think so far ahead before getting to know someone? They might enjoy each others company and enjoy spending time together, it might not lead to marriage or babies but they could enjoy themselves non the less.

Mandles

To be honest , if she is going out with your son and hes not a Jehovahs witness then either its going to end very soon or shes not really a full blown Jehovahs witness as they don't go out with people who arn't JWs so you probably won't have any problems.
They are normal people as i know some. They have parties , they celebrate anniversarys and do nice weddings but dont have xmas, birthdays or easter. The blood transfusion thing is not a biggie nowdays as a lot of other regular people don't have blood transfusions and there are so many other alternatives thay can use instead.
Her family , like you, will not be that over the moon about it either(she possibly could hide it from them). I hope it works out as to how you want. Shes probably a nice girl and your son sounds nice that he tells his mum all about relationships etc(at least he doesn't just come home with his washing as some i know do.lol).
Part of the reason they don't go out with non Jehovahs Witness is because its not fair on her and not fair on him as beliefs are so different and what is he going to do when she goes out 3 or 4 times a week to her church? Bringing up children with 2 different views also difficult (eg birthdays & xmas with 2 different believing parents= very confused kids). I know it works for some people but i agree with your dd , its going to be a very difficult relationship.
If you tell him its not a good idea it might make him more determined to make a go of it.
Hope it works out for you and him.

Blink_2

My mum is a Jehovah's Witness and my dad is an atheist, me, my sister and my brothers have all grown up ok and had the benefit of hearing very different views from both of them, allowing us to form our own opinions about life.

I still can't help thinking it is all being taken a bit too seriously. If it is a new girfriend there could potentially be a million reasons why the relationship doesn't work out, why make her religion an issue if it hasn't actually caused any problems?

seven-day-weekend

If her family are strict Jehovah's Witnesses they will not want her to marry out of the 'truth' and if she does so they will not speak to her or him.

However, not all JWs are this strict, but there will be pressure on him to join the faith.

Justie

I'm in a mixed religion marriage - Jewish and Christian - and while it's fine between the two of us sometimes the expectations of the rest of the families can be overwhelming and there is covert pressure from both sides about what's expected when it comes to children etc. I wouldn't change it though as I love my OH and we work through how we want to be as a family and the in laws and my mum are learning to live with that. It's early days yet for your son and I'd say if he likes this girl there's no reason for him to not see her because of her religion and it's easy enough to learn what impact it may or may not have on their lives together if the relationship becomes serious.

Justie

lifeisgood wrote: »

Mandles post is spot on. Jehovahs Witnesses are unlike any other religion, they believe they are the only true religion.

how is that unlike any other?