Advice on how to proceed with bullying problem at work desperately needed!!

NiceGuyFinishingLast

Thanks lazydaisy and ladyface, its encouraging to be reminded that I am indeed in a more employable position right now without escalating matters, and that makes the thought of returning to work, with those thought in my head, a real possibilty

NiceGuyFinishingLast

And yes, I think I will at least make a formal grievence, reminding my boss of her responsibilities under her duty of care, and then see what happens. I wont leave for now, maybe that will be all thats needed. I will let you know how I get on

*zippy*

I think this is a common problem in small shops, they seem to thrive on drama.

I know it is hard, but until you can find something else try to ignore it as much as possible and not get involved, I think this woman is enjoying getting reaction from you and you would be better to stop listening to customers as it is just making you feel worse. Remember you are there for the money, just do your job and go home, your work collegues and their opinions are of no importance.

Sambucus_Nigra

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Is the boss the owner?

In your wall of text I finally found that yes they are the owner.

If that's the case you should not have gone to them with the tobacco issue, you should have gone to Trading Standards.

By all means take out a grievance, but if the owner is working WITH the person in question then they are not only condoning this behaviour but possibly encouraging it.

The worst thing you could do for her is to go back to work, look happy, and brush off any mention of comments, just note them ALL down in a book - what was said, which customer reported it, what time etc; word will get back to her that you are taking each note down and if asked you will say that you 'have been advised to make a note of every incident' and do not say who the adviser is.

You need to be the bigger person, and more devious. If the tobacco thing happens again, get your evidence and go higher than the owner.

If she is pushing your buttons, then change the game. Be bigger, brighter, and eminently more devious than she could ever imagine.

You need to think of some retorts - I had a colleague once who would just never 'let it lie' so every time he started on me I'd say 'If you want to ask me out, just say it, I'll say no but go on, ask away'. Didn't take long for him to stop it. So perhaps every time just say 'Aah bless, she still got a 'thing' eh?' and smile. And if the boss says anything to you your response is 'so why DOES she talk about me incessantly to the customers then boss - and how else do you expect me to respond if you won't manage the situation?'

Mojisola

NiceGuyFinishingLast wrote: »

And yes, I think I will at least make a formal grievence, reminding my boss of her responsibilities under her duty of care, and then see what happens. I wont leave for now, maybe that will be all thats needed. I will let you know how I get on

If you are looking for a job and want to "get your own back" on your co-worker, don't do this. If you do, you couldn't say more clearly to her that she's really got to you.

Grit your teeth, ignore the gossip and, when you get your new job, leave with your head held high. That will upset her more than anything else you can do.

I was once in a similar situation with someone who was not only telling lies to the boss but sabotaging my work as well so that I looked bad. It was the result of jealousy and fear on her part. I've learned that life is too short to get caught up in these kind of battles - sometimes it's best to just walk away and leave them to their games.

mountainofdebt

The other thing I've seen (& heard) is a member of staff openly criticise another member and be as nice as pie to that member's face.

Unfortunately women are reknown for this.

Just accept that this is unfortuantely a fact of working life and concentrate on finding somewhere nicer. (have you thought about working in charity shops, although admittedly they tend to be run by volunteers they do have some paid staff)

teabelly

Tell this spiteful woman that you feel really sorry for her. Her life must be so miserable and empty if the only pleasure she gets is being unpleasant and nasty to everyone that doesn't like her ie everyone else on the planet.

When customers report nasty remarks just laugh and do the universal sign for 'nutter'. If you undermine her authority with the customers they'll just ignore her. Ideally you want a customer to tear strips off her as they must get fed up of hearing it.

Have you got any friends that she doesn't know that could perhaps give her an earful in a busy shop?

The boss has a duty of care to protect employees from abusive behaviour. Tell them they have to make it stop. If they tell this woman to stop and she doesn't then they'll have to follow disciplinary process and sack her. Give them the name of a decent employment lawyer so they can do it right. That will be what they're worrying about and whatever dirt this woman must have on them as otherwise they'd have slung her out of the door a long time ago.

I'd also consider hiding a recording device of some kind to record the behaviour then there's no way of it being denied.

In the meantime look for another job.

Mojisola

NiceGuyFinishingLast wrote: »

Violent retribution from one of her criminal brothers is a distinct possibility too.

teabelly wrote: »

The boss has a duty of care to protect employees from abusive behaviour.

The boss might be weighing up the pros and cons of trying to protect one employee against having the shop targeted by thugs.

teabelly

Mojisola wrote: »

The boss might be weighing up the pros and cons of trying to protect one employee against having the shop targeted by thugs.

If this person has criminal family and she's used them as threat then it is now a police matter. Report the threat to the police and that the inference from her was that the shop would be targetted. Boss cannot ignore threats of violence!

Mojisola

teabelly wrote: »

If this person has criminal family and she's used them as threat then it is now a police matter. Report the threat to the police and that the inference from her was that the shop would be targetted. Boss cannot ignore threats of violence!

She "shouldn't" but she can. If she weighs her personal safety and the future of her business against keeping one unpleasant employee in place, she could easily decide against involving the police.