Advice on how to proceed with bullying problem at work desperately needed!!

NiceGuyFinishingLast

Hello All,

I really need some help and advice on what to do next with a bully at work, never sought help on a forum before, so apologies for any newbie mistakes! Here goes...

I have suffered over the last 18 months with what I feel to be bullying behaviour. I work in a small shop, mostly manning it on my own. After a few months in this job, customers began reporting to me comments they had heard one of my colleagues making, in front of a shop full of people, about me when I'm not there. These comments range from slurs against my professionalism, complaining of laziness and saying I'm useless at my job, to plain insults and name calling. Might I just mention, I am in no way lazy or inept at my job. Right from the start, I was keen to make a good impression, and to earn a glowing reference, because previous to this job, I had been long-term unemployed due to depression and anxiety, and needed to repair my CV and keep my prospects open. (I was taken on, not as a supervisor, but I was paid a supervisors wage, to take care of the ordering and deliveries). The individual concerned however, is lazy and inept, and she constantly tries to undermine me to my boss as well as the customers, probably to try and disguise her own ineptitude, and is possibly jealous of my extra responsibilities.

So, after hearing on an almost weekly basis, slanderous accusations and insults, which I constantly had to defend myself over, I complained to my boss, saying that whatever this person thinks of me, its unacceptable that she should air her opinions about me in public. The boss agreed and said she'd have a word. I continued to hear reports from customers about the way I was discussed in public by this person, and indeed everytime we met to change over shifts, she would spew some vitriolic diatribe about my other colleagues as well as customers, so it wasn't a stretch to believe she had no qualms about doing the same to me when I'm not there. Certain customers, with whom I'd previously had a good rapport, suddenly started being cold and unfriendly, for no reason. I complained to my boss that again, I'm being slandered against and insulted in public. Again, she said she'd have a word.

So a few months later, still having reports trickling in from customers of the way my professionalism and personality were falsely criticised out loud (this person is VERY loud, by the way), a new employee was taken on to help out on weekends and for deliveries. This new employee and I became friends, and within a week of him starting he too was reporting to me all these unpleasant and slanderous comments made about me (and others) in public and to my boss that he had heard. By this point my recovery from depression had taken a serious knock, and I started to become very unhappy in my job, not least because my boss had started giving me the cold shoulder for no apparent reason, and I felt worried that the glowing reference I had gone above and beyond the call of duty to achieve was now in tatters. I challenged her saying that I hope she doesn't believe the things said about me, she said frankly and with no hint of reassurance, 'no, I make my own mind up about people'. She told me I shouldnt be so sensitive about it all. (bare in mind at this point I was about 14 months into my job, and had put up with and tried to ignore a LOT of abuse).

At around this time I discovered that my bully, as I had begun to recognise her as, had been selling non uk taxed tobacco from the shop premises to people she knew. (we are a franchised off-license, and from having done a personal license course I knew that she was jeapordising everyones job and my boss' business). So I immediately informed my boss, who confronted my colleague and she admitted everything. At last, I thought, she's certain to get sacked for this and I can continue with my job free from the misery and anxiety she had been causing me. But, despite what she was doing being an imprisonable offence, my boss just gave her a verbal warning! So I began to think that whatever this person does, be it bullying and harrassment, or breaking criminal law, she would get away with it.

Of course, after my whistleblowing, the indirect abuse and hateful gossiping was ramped up a knotch. It went on and on, and knowing it would do no good, and probably exascerbate the problem, I was reluctant to complain to my boss again. I began in earnest to look for another job asap, as I was starting to feel that my position there was untenable. As we all know, in these tough times, jobs are far and few between, and I couldn't find another job to escape to, and not wanting to be unemployed again (the worst time of my life), I had no choice but to stick it out, telling myself that this person will get found out for who she really is eventually (a bona fide sociopath, if you ask me) and I should try and rise above it.

So, towards the end of this last summer, armed with a back-up to my allegations by this new employee (finally someone who I could call an ally), and after being verbally assaulted directly by this woman (she completely went off on one at me in front of a shop full of people, and even hinted at threats to my safety outside of work), I decided I needed to raise the issue with my boss again, this time stressing that 'It absolutely, in no uncertain terms, HAD to stop this time', implying that this was the last time I'm prepared to have the problem handled informally, and further escalated action would be the next step if it continued. Again she said she'd have a 'chat'. To begin with, things seemed to get better. My boss even told me a few weeks later that she hadn't heard any further gossip or abuse about me, and I agreed, saying that I hadnt heard anything either. Not long afterwards I again started to receive reports from customers about how this person is often witnessed having a raging bad-tempered rant about me in public, and calling me every name under the sun. What's more, not long afterwards, the only ally I had walked out of his job, unhappy with the negative working conditions. (he described every conversation he'd had with this woman as akin to being vomited on, and had had enough.)

Just before Christmas, feeling at a very low ebb, I woke up one day for work, and felt I just couldn't face it anymore, so I called in sick (1st time in 2 years), confessing for the first time my mental health issues to my boss, and stating that although previously manageable, the constant abuse and unfair critcism had made me so anxious and unhappy as to render me unfit for work. She said she thought all this had been sorted out, I said it hadn't, she questioned why I hadn't told her, I explained it never did any good after 3 seperate complaints so I kept it to myself. After one day off sick and another rota'd day off (2 days), I returned to work for the busy Christmas period, telling my boss that not having money coming in would just make me worse, so I would just try to grin and bare it. The following week at work was hell, I felt so paranoid (hypervigilant, not crazy) about every dirty look I felt I got from certain regular customers, and about what people now thought of me, and worrying constantly how I was going to move on from all this, as well as one more report of how I was being 'slagged off' in public behind my back, that I again signed myself off sick, quoting stress caused by bullying, and went to see my doctor. I was prescribed some sedatives.

As of now, I have been off for nearly a week, and I just don't know how to handle this. I want to go back and continue earning a wage, but as long as this seemingly untouchable bully is still there, I'm not sure I can. The damage to my reputation in the community served by the shop has already been done, even if she were to finally get the sacking she deserves. Violent retribution from one of her criminal brothers is a distinct possibility too. I feel resentful towards my boss for not having dealt with this effectively in the first place, and feel that only the threat of legal action might get this woman sacked for her behaviour. Along with an early incident of this woman being caught handing out stock to her friends for free, the smuggled tobacco thing, and three reported counts of bullying, she has commited 5 acts of gross misconduct and never even had a single written warning! Where do I go now?? I know the next step would be to write a formal grievence letter to my boss, but I think I'm being quite rational in believing that this won't do any good, and that this woman will continue with her behaviour, not only because its clear now that she just can't help herself, but because she knows she will get away with it. I'm sure my boss wont sack her if I write a formal complaint, which I realise one would normally have to in order for any future action to be eligable, so can I jump the gun and quit, quoting constructive dismissal? Or breach of contract under health and safety at work act? I am sick and unfit for work because of this and my boss, as far as I'm concerned has failed in her duty of care to protect me from the bullying, for which I've made 3 seperate complaints over the space of 18 months. I hate her, and feel angry enough to take her to the cleaners for it. What should I do? (I know about ACAS, but I'd struggle to make sense on the phone with these sedatives, and to tell this long story in all its details (apologies for this unabridged blurb by the way!)).

A formal letter, whilst staying off sick, then legal action if it's not resolved? How do I prove all that's been said? If the bully keeps her job, then I just cannot go back. If she does get sacked, then I've still lost all faith and trust in my boss. Untenable either way, but I can't afford not to be earning, but also can't risk a full-blown nervous breakdown, to which I feel I am very close to having, I'm suffering frequent panic attacks and insanity doesn't feel a million miles away. The thought of everything thats happened makes me sick to the pit of my stomach.

I'm desperate for some objective advice, please please help!!!! (and thanks if you got this far, I know its too long a post)

　

Mojisola

NiceGuyFinishingLast wrote: »

Along with an early incident of this woman being caught handing out stock to her friends for free, the smuggled tobacco thing, and three reported counts of bullying, she has commited 5 acts of gross misconduct and never even had a single written warning!

The boss is either totally incompetent or is frightened by this woman's family and worried about what would happen if she was sacked.

It's very unsatisfactory but the easiest solution is probably to find another job.

Pricivius

It sounds like a horrible situation... But I think your options are limited.

Clearly your boss is unable to deal with the situation for whatever reason and I can't see a formal complaint changing that.

Resigning and claiming constructive dismissal is not the route to take - constructive dismissal is a very difficult claim to succeed and legal action is very stressful, as well as being a lengthy, time-consuming and confusing process. It doesn't sound like the stress or worry will do you any good at all.

It sounds like you don't have to actually work with your colleague so I wonder how she causes you so much distress. Maybe ask the customers who keep telling you tales that you don't want or need to hear it? Ignorance is bliss and anyone who knows you knows it's all rubbish anyway. I would hold my head high, do a fantastic job and rise above her.

cavework

This person really knows how to push your buttons and you are falling for it hook , line and sinker
Why not just accept there are people in this world who get a huge thrill when they are making people miserable.
As someone has already said , stop listening to customers gossip , stop giving the bully fuel for the fire and just go to work , do the job and make the bully look like the idiot they are.

Sambucus_Nigra

Is the boss the owner?

Errata

What do you want to happen?

zzzLazyDaisy

Just to say that if you resign and claim constructive dismissal, you will almost certainly lose.

Why?

First because in order to win a CD claim you must first have exhausted the employers grievance procedures. If they don't have a formal grievance procedure, then you need to write to the employer explaining that you wish to raise a formal grievance about the way you have been treated, explaining in writing what the problem is, and what you would like them to do about it. If you do not do this, you are almost guaranteed to lose your case.

Secondly, even if you follow this procedure and nothing is done, when you get to tribunal you must show that the employer has committed such a serious breach of contract that the employment was brought to an end. That means that you have to show that the employer was in breach of contract, and that it was a very serious breach. To do that you need witnesses who are prepared to stand up and given evidence for you, otherwise it will be your word against theirs - and they will probably have a solicitor representing them, and you will probably be a bag of nerves and not able to get your point across (I say this bearing in mind what you have just said about being unable to phone ACAS for advice).

Thirdly (and this is probably the most important point) only a tiny percentage of all the CD claims made each year actually succeed - I haven't checked the statistics lately but the employee only wins in around 3% of cases.

Sorry to sound negative, but you are obviously having a bad time and legal proceedings are very stressful, so you have to be sure it is worth it.

mountainofdebt

Why are you listening to what customer's are telling you ? Could it be that they are just stirring matters between you and this woman?

I have no doubt that she is an unpleasant piece of work but I've worked with people who enjoy nothing more than stirring matters between colleagues and in the end I've felt sorry for them.

NiceGuyFinishingLast

Thanks for the quick replies everyone. I am currently looking for a new job. Its very hard, but agreed, it is probably the easier thing to do in comparison.

I have been trying, and succeeding, for the last year and a half to keep my head held high and have stayed risen above it and aloof of the situation, but its really ground me down this last month or so, and not being able to find another job (yet), I dont see why I should have to quit because of this person. Cavework, you are right, she does know how to push my buttons, I'm convinced she's a sociopath to whom this is one big game to be won. Im a stubborn git though, so I really dont want her to win. Errata, I guess what I want to happen boils down to her losing her game by not getting to see me leave, and for her to be the one who has to leave. I would then leave of my own accord after she's left and when Ive found a new job.

The main problem for me is that after being out of work for so long before, that this job was supposed to be a fresh start and the final hurdle in overcoming my depression and that I could gain some experience, get a good reference, and move on to a better job. However, Im convinced that my reference from my boss (who is indeed the owner of the business) has long since been ruined, so that plan of action seems hopeless. My boss doesnt spend much time at the business, doesnt know me all that well, and is actually rather inexperienced as a business owner/manager, and so, especially after the sudden shift in her attitude towards me, I think she has begun to believe the undermining comments. This is what cuts me up the most. 2 years wasted in a job, where despite working extremely hard and being very good at my job, I am back at square one as far as a reference and any progression in my life goes.

I accept there are some people in this world who would do harm for no reason other than to get a kick, and that doesnt bother me in itself, its the affect it has on the relationships I DO care about that I find hard to swallow. I know it must seem I'm being a bit oversensitive about this, but its been going on so long that its accumulatively built up into a real problem for me. I have no confidence or self-esteem left with which to go and win myself another job.

I dont want to take legal action, as I know this will be stressful, but I guess I was kind of hoping just the threat of it would be enough to get my bosses attention. And if not, then presuming I had a good case against her then I would feel ok about leaving because my savings could be replaced by some future loss of earnings award.

I think I would have a case against her, providing I got a formal letter of grievance sent beforehand, and I could get in touch with that allied ex-colleague to provide a statement. I also, come to think of it, I have every text I have ever sent and received backed up, and most communication between my boss and myself is via text, so I have raw first hand evidence to demonstrate that my boss knew what was going on, and the effect it was having on me, and that I have indeed complained 3 times to no avail. So I wonder if a record of all text conversations about all this would stand up at tribunal?

cavework

TBH I think you are becoming obsessional about this situation . sorry if this offends but you asked for opinions.
Yes maybe this person is obnoxious but you don't actually work with her/him on the same shift.
What the customers say or imply about things that may or may not be being said when you are not at work is just hearsay..
I think you have both got to grow up ,take some time to discuss and resolve the situation as it is getting out of control and both start acting like adults if you both want to keep your jobs.
You assume your Boss is inexperienced?
I would say she is very patient

NiceGuyFinishingLast

(When I say my boss doesnt spend much time at the business, I mean during the day shifts when I work, but she's there every night when this woman works)