Any advice for a couple moving in together

VestanPance

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Just a question for the people who put all the money together.

What about birthday and christmas presents? Or what about if it's christmas and your partner has more family than you eg nieces, nephews etc?

Steph xx

When I was in a couple we had a system of all money paid into one joint account. That account was used to pay all bills. Each month a direct debit from that account went to a joint savings account, which was used to pay for major items or holidays. Each month we also transferred some "spending" money to separate accounts that we could spend as we wish.

Presents for family would be paid for jointly. When a couple her/his family are now also your family.

Kildare

We have a joint account for joint bills and our own separate accounts - so pay goes into our separate accounts and we both transfer the same amount into the joint account which covers mortgage bills and builds up back-up money for the quarterly / annual bills.

When we first moved into together we earned more or less the same but now I earn almost 3 times as much as my OH - we still pay the same amount of bill money each (his insistence) but I buy all the grocercies and pay for more treats & dinners out. I'm sure it will all even out over the course of time.

To the poster who asked why more couples don't have everything in a joint account, I think it's about knowing you have your own spends and can treat yourself without asking someone else. I would feel wierd if I spent our joint money on a new pair of shoes, whereas those are my spends and I can buy shoes, or treat him to something, totally up to me.

iwannabeonthebeach

my DH earns double what I do. Before we were married, and still now, both our wages go into one account from which all the bills etc come out. Then we also have a standing order of £x each month going into our own separate accounts each month for our own spending money. It's worked very well for us.

VestanPance

Kildare wrote: »

When we first moved into together we earned more or less the same but now I earn almost 3 times as much as my OH - we still pay the same amount of bill money each (his insistence) but I buy all the grocercies and pay for more treats & dinners out. I'm sure it will all even out over the course of time.

This probably says more about me than anything else, but it freaks me out when people don't include things like groceries, petrol/diesel as part of their bills budget.

kansaskitty

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Just a question for the people who put all the money together.

What about birthday and christmas presents? Or what about if it's christmas and your partner has more family than you eg nieces, nephews etc?

Steph xx

All of our money goes into one account and all of our spendings come out of the same account. We don't have any separate 'fun spending' accounts, we're both careful and just buy what we need or would like and can afford as and when we'd like, with the joiny money. It has been like this for two years now, the first year of which I wasn't earning at all, and now we earn almost the same.

We seem quite rare amongst our friends who are couples, but we're in this together and as others have said have fairly similar spending habits and trust each other implicitly, so for us personally it works very well. Birthday and Christmas presents come out of said account and usually they just say '@mazon' or whatever so it doesn't matter, but if it says the name of the site I'll just say to him 'I'll check the online bank this week, please don't look for a week because of birthday secrets' or something. With families, as another poster said when you enter into a loving, long-term relationship we feel that each others families become your own.

To the OP- our system works for us and if you're happy to work like that, I'd highly recommend it as it doesn't lead to any 'this is mine, that's yours' conversations but equally lots of our couple friends either
a) transfer expenses into a joint account and have their own accounts for own spending

b) have wages into a joint account and wire out fun spending into separate accounts for own spending

It seems like you've got lots of ideas from this thread so I hope you're feeling in a better position about what to do! :j Good luck hunting for a place with your boyf!

KK xxx

totallybored

When me and Mr TB first moved in together we got a joint account and both paid the same into it every month to cover all bills and eating out etc. when he started earning more than me I decided it was fairer that we both paid in the same percentage of our salary (I didn't think it was fair for me to be using 50% of my salary on the joint account, rent etc and us and him to be only using 25% of his salary). Once we'd bought somewhere together and got married we then found it easier to just pay everything into the joint account and share all money.

Errata

The only thing I would suggest is doing a thorough risk assessment which covers when what happens in response to all the 'what ifs'.
For example, what if you lose your job, or he loses his. Who pays what then, how, and can they?

nearlyrich

What are each persons expectations on who does what? Washing, washing up cleaning grocery shopping etc all very necessary and all have the potential for WW3 breaking out. I would just say talk about money and make sure you are both happy with the arrangements you make, it doesn't matter what we do or what your friends do it has to be right for you. Your management of money is important and too many people don't discuss it and end up seething under the surface.

alwaysbrassic

janninew wrote: »

I was in a similar position as you a few years back before I got married, both working full time, he earnt nearly triple what I did!

What we did (and it won't suit everybody!) was open a joint account and put all our money in it together, we transferred our direct debits and standing order to the joint account and once all the bills were paid for, that is what we had left. This worked well for us, we wanted to share everything equally, plus we are both good with money and if we made any big purchases we talked to each first. This might not work for everybody, especially if one person likes to spend all the time or isn't that good with money. It suited us fine though and still does now.

Good luck with the move.

We only have one joint account too (we also have a joint savings account). We have found it stops any arguments about money as we view it as our money to look after rather than having single ownership. It does mean we don't have privacy with money but as we can both be prone to unnecessary spending it helps us keep a check on it and stop spending when we don't need it! It also means that we have a clearer picture of our finances without secretly wondering if the other one has more money than they say (or less).
I could see why it wouldn't work for everyone though.

claire16c

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Just a question for the people who put all the money together.

What about birthday and christmas presents? Or what about if it's christmas and your partner has more family than you eg nieces, nephews etc?

Steph xx

My DH has many more nieces and nephews - I dont have any on my side, but I love buying for them - and even before we were married I considered them my family too.

When its a birthday or Christmas, we use cash so it doesnt show on the bank statement, or just try not to look. DH never bothers to look at our bank accounts anyway so its easy to buy for him, plus it only shows the shop name not the actual present.

Also its likely that the bill might not show up on the account or credit card etc until after the event anyway by which time you know what the present is.

kansaskitty wrote: »

All of our money goes into one account and all of our spendings come out of the same account. We don't have any separate 'fun spending' accounts, we're both careful and just buy what we need or would like and can afford as and when we'd like, with the joiny money. It has been like this for two years now, the first year of which I wasn't earning at all, and now we earn almost the same.

We seem quite rare amongst our friends who are couples, but we're in this together and as others have said have fairly similar spending habits and trust each other implicitly, so for us personally it works very well. Birthday and Christmas presents come out of said account and usually they just say '@mazon' or whatever so it doesn't matter, but if it says the name of the site I'll just say to him 'I'll check the online bank this week, please don't look for a week because of birthday secrets' or something. With families, as another poster said when you enter into a loving, long-term relationship we feel that each others families become your own.

Same for us. Everything into one account.

We each buy stuff we want, unless it was something really expensive in which case we discuss it. He has no idea how much I spend on clothes and I have no idea how much he spends on his hobbies. Its not like we each keep track, as long as there's enough money in the account for bills and weve done our savings that month thats what matters.

Before we got married, we still had the joint account which we opened when we moved in together but only used it for bills. we each put a set amount in each month.