Newbie with help needed

girlatplay

I still think telling your partner was the right thing to do. My partner and I split up because he lied to me and withheld stuff from me (not debt related and he didn't cheat on me). If he had come clean 2.5 years ago when I confronted him the first time we could have got through it. It is the feeling of betrayal that is the worst.

Your partner may well get over it in time, once the hurt has died down for her. In the meantime, you need to get yourself back on your feet and prove that you can do this. Take advice from your doc and take advice from people posting here. It will get sorted, just don't give up at the first hurdle.

Good luck

Stiffler_2

Thanks for the response. Yeah it's early doors hopefully when everything's in order and the better half can see that things might change. She's off to her mums tonight so I've got time to reflect and get some rest and maybe even get some food into me. I'm still feeling awful but I'm sure it will get better as time goes on.

Thrifty_Pixie

have you cancelled the luxuries that people have suggested (sky, etc)? you could be doing that whilst you're waiting for the paperwork to come through from Step Change (and it'll keep your mind occupied!) go through the SOA you posted previously and work on getting each item cheaper/cancelled if you can. the more money you can throw at your debts the quicker you'll be free of them. also it will look good for your ex if she can see you taking control of your situation!

good luck

TP
:coffee:

Stiffler_2

Yeah sky has gone now and ill be sorting my mobile bill and the insurances and utilities tomorrow. Looking into selling 2 cars but they currently have finance but ill be trying my best to sell them and pick up a cheap (very cheap) run about. Hopefully in a year or two ill be building on good savings!

Stiffler_2

Had the ex around today as she said she is going to help me sort things out which is good news. We went to citizens advice today to see if anything could be done which helped I think. We have a old current joint account with Halifax which luckily is still active so I'm in the process of swapping wages and direct debits over. I've also 'lost' my bank card for the account I'm using currently. Still awaiting paper work from SC but I've written everything down in preparation just to fill in and send off ASAP. Thanks for the kind words everyone it does help.

Thrifty_Pixie

glad to hear you're making progress. a word of warning though: has your ex checked her credit report? i mention this as you say that you have a joint account with her which makes you financially linked.

Stiffler_2

No she hasn't to be honest she has no credit what so ever no credt cards. Only thing she has is a tesco loan which has never missed a payment and due to finish in 6/12 months.

Stiffler_2

Well still on my own and I'm hating it. Not coping and really struggling. But I need to get out of this depression some how and show the ex I'm being positive and I've changed.

laurel48

Sorry to hear things are still not great but you have taken great steps so far in a short space of time to try and sort out the problems.

Also with the old joint account, I would be inclined to open a sole account with a bank you do not have any debts with rather than use one your partner is joint on as it is another thing to link you financially .

I know it is a clich! but things do get better once you are on track with everything and seek help for your situation both financially and mentally. I think most of us feel overwhelmed at times but it does help to speak to other people. Have you made an appointment to see the doctor?

Also with your partner (it has only been a few days I think ex is a bit too soon) keep making sure she can see you are trying to get back on track and although I know it is very hard try to look more to how to resolve the situation with her. IMHO I think there is hope as she has been with you to the CAB so you are not entirely alone even though it may seem that way.

Good luck and I hope that things seem a lot better once you have put everything in place to sort it out.

LannieDuck

Why don't you write a list on here of all the things you've done so far to sort yourself out. I suspect you've come a lot further than you realise, and it might help to show that you are coping.

If it were me, I'd want to set up a plan to tackle it all asap, then invite my partner to a neutral place (maybe out for lunch?) and lay it all out for them. So they know what great progress you've made.