Gambling

HappyMJ

LTP123 wrote: »

But I'm already ten years, 2 kids in. That's a big investment! I hear what your saying though. No need for an I & E I know that there is probably one hundred pounds surplas a month but life never works like that. We have had charges the last few weeks due to him gambling what little was there.

Not to mention the one month arrears I thought we were eager to pay off..

Arrears and charges can affect your credit rating so put your foot down get them cleared ASAP. Remove as much financial linking as you can so that his arrears and charges don't affect you. You won't be able to remove the mortgage or any joint loans so on payday make sure they are paid in full as priority bill number one. If you have joint bank accounts with overdrafts then close them and open separate accounts. There is no way I'd let someone else's financial mismanagement affect my credit rating. Let him destroy his own credit rating.

LTP123

Does this lead onto other things? I think he is looking for a way out.

LutonGirl

LTP123 wrote: »

But I'm already ten years, 2 kids in. That's a big investment!

I was 14 years into a marriage with an alcoholic and fought tooth and nail to help him overcome his demons, foibles, depression and debts until it wore me into the ground. One fine day, just before I turned 40, I realised I'd be living in the same Groundhog Day loop forever and, if it was going to kill one of us, it wouldn't be me. So I left.

8 years later, I don't remember the bad times, I have a lovely life and am all the better for it. He's still exactly the same. Yes it was hard, yes it was absolute cr*p for a couple of years, but that was better than living how I had been.

Think about yourself and your children. Do you want to be stuck in your same scenario for years to come? The children will get bigger and more expensive to keep, and no doubt, his attitude to money won't change.

I'm not advocating you leave right this minute. Just think about what the future will look like IF he isn't willing to change.

I wish you the very best of luck with whatever path you take.

Takeaway_Addict

£450 in 3 months isn't alot if he is addicted to gambling so my questions would be

A) is this all of his gambling, no hidden loans, no hidden credit cards, no charges against the house, no stolen money or fraud?

Is he addicted to gambling?

If he says it is a problem then he needs to be serious and get help, none of this 'I can do it on my own' 'what can a group do' yaddi yaddi ya

https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk and then find meetings.

miduck

fluffnutter wrote: »

He sounds rather depressed. Would he consider seeing someone? His GP? A counsellor? Unhappy people make for unhappy relationships. Until he sorts himself out, I don't think he's going to make you and your children's life very happy.

I would go further and suggest they both need to seek help. I don't think either party are blame free, and they need to either work to compromise and understand each other a little (lot) better, or make a break and move on as individuals.

I can't help but wonder if he is acting out because he is sick of being treated like a child? I don't know, we only have one side of the story.

LTP123

What have I said to imply he is treated like a child? I am constantly trying to make him care when he doesn't, is that what you mean?

HappyMJ

LTP123 wrote: »

I have taken his smartphone and bank cards like a little boy. He will have to have a regular phone. The moaning about money is relentless thats why its so infuriating. What an idiot, he just doesn't care.

LTP123 wrote: »

What have I said to imply he is treated like a child? I am constantly trying to make him care when he doesn't, is that what you mean?

See first quoted post...

LTP123

Yes he has been using joint account and betting via smartphone. Took them yesterday who wouldnt?

Also, the money wouldn't be an issue if he didn't deny his daughter everything over £5!

HappyMJ

LTP123 wrote: »

Yes he has been using joint account and betting via smartphone. Took them yesterday who wouldnt?

Also, the money wouldn't be an issue if he didn't deny his daughter everything over £5!

I wouldn't...you'll push him further away. Close the joint account as I suggested earlier. You don't want your credit rating affected by his actions on the joint account. Whatever he wants to gamble with he can use his own debit card. If there's no money left then he can't gamble. Just make sure on his payday that every joint bill you have is paid and he gives you enough money for the month's family shopping. Do you get the child benefit credited to your account? That'll be at least £88 a month you can spend on clothes for your child.

onlyroz

If he isn't actually addicted to gambling then perhaps you could direct him towards match betting (see the sub-forum on this site) where he might actually be able to make some money for the household.