I am so tired

Savvy_Sue

vivmagb wrote: »

Well, he has come through it all and has been signed off from the oncologist but next week he is being assessed as he has the early signs of dementia. I think it has all been too much for him, as only 41/2 years ago he had a double heart bypass. I dont think he is capable of taking much more. At 70 I feel that he is beginning to give up. I try to be very positive around him but it is hard.

viv, I am so sorry to hear this. PLEASE make sure that you get the help you need to maintain your own life in some way ...

lessonlearned

vivmagb wrote: »

Well, he has come through it all and has been signed off from the oncologist but next week he is being assessed as he has the early signs of dementia. I think it has all been too much for him, as only 41/2 years ago he had a double heart bypass. I dont think he is capable of taking much more. At 70 I feel that he is beginning to give up. I try to be very positive around him but it is hard.

Sorry to hear this Viv. I do feel for you.

I am in a similar position. My husband became ill in 2006 with a rare and degenerative neurological illness.

Gradually over the years some of our "friends" drifted away. I was very hurt by this and, like you, felt utterly exhausted and extremely isolated.

As others have said - it's a long hard road to travel alone. Caring for someone 24/7 single-handedly is hell on earth. We do it out of love and devotion of course and I personally wouldn't have had it any other way, but some help, support and encouragement would have made my task so much easier.

Sadly my husband is now in a nursing home. My task is a little easier but even so there is still the constant visiting, overseeing his care, monitoring the nursing home, endless hospital appts, mountains of paperwork.

Caring doesn't end just because someone goes into hospital or a nursing home. The carer still needs support and comfort.

Whilst I don't bear a grudge to those "fair-weather friends" I simply made a decision that I would not let it upset me any more. I made a decision to simply cut off all contact with them. When I moved house I didn't let them know;) Two of them had been my "friends" for over 40 years.

I have to confess I find it difficult to comprehend just how thoughtless and unfeeling they have been.

On the other hand, I've discovered that I have some wonderful and very caring friends who have stepped up to the plate and been enormously helpful and supportive. TBH - I received support from people I didn't expect to be so caring.

I'm afraid I don't accept the "too embarrassed, too upset" - "don't know how I can be of help anyway" arguments that people offer as an excuse for not staying in contact.

And I have to say a friend who is struggling and in need of support shouldn't have to ask for help - it should be offered.

There is a saying "In times of trouble, you find out who your real friends are". I found that to be so true.

Viv take care of yourself.

I ruined my health looking after my husband before I finally had to admit defeat and allow him to go into care. Don't make the same mistake.