Battling For Good Health

spidystrider

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Nice work I like reading your posts, it's encouraging reading about someone working hard to be healthy

HBS x

Thank you HBS, that really means a lot. I know my diary isn't exciting reading and I appreciate people taking an interest in it. I wish I was a more exciting writer, there are some amazing diaries on M.S.E.

spidystrider

I think this is a good time to write a bit more about myself and my need for change.

Up until the age of 31, I was never ill. I was one of these people who could have a houseful of family with colds etc. and never catch anything. I did have my traumas in life, like everyone else. I lost my dad when I was 19 and my mum when I was 21 and after my first child was born, I had 3 miscarriages before having another 2 children. Through all that I just stayed strong and got on with things and when I think back now, I really like the person I was back then.

I came down with the flu in October 1999 and allowed myself one day in bed before getting up and getting on with it again. I felt fine apart from the constant cough, but this soon took it's toll. My weight fell to 6 stone 8, I had no energy and was in constant pain. My ribs hurt so much, it sometimes felt like they had cracked. After doses of antibiotics and painkillers, x-rays of my chest, nasal area and a lung function test, my doctors were left scratching their heads. My lung function test came back normal, but because there was a family history of asthma, my doctor decided to give me an inhaler. After 3 days of taking the inhaler, I had my one and only asthma attack. That was one of the scariest days of my life and my breathing and overall health changed from that day.

As mentioned, at this time my weight had dropped to an all time low. I have always been tiny and usually averaged around the 7 stone mark. For some reason my in-laws always delighted in telling me how thin I was and would comment every time I saw them. When I was fit and healthy, it didn't have much of an effect on me.This became far worse after I became ill. One particular member asked if I had became anorexic and thought I should talk to a doctor. Others would mention how tired and pale I was. It was even mentioned once that another relation had cancer and had lost loads of weight and that they were now thinner than me. I was constantly being used as an example of ill health. My own mum used to tell me how pretty I was and was always trying to boost my confidence. Without her I just accepted that all of this negativity was true. As my health deteriorated, so did my confidence in myself and I guess over the years I stopped caring about myself too.

My priority over all these years became my husband, kids, home, mortgage, but never me. Every so often I would decide to make a change. I would gain some weight, exercise a bit, then lose interest again. I just couldn't stick with it at all and would spend more time thinking about how to pay off my mortgage, than about my failing health.

Finally I realised that things had to change. I have a loving husband, 3 great kids and a lovely home but I am not really happy. I have moments of happiness, but these have became more and more fleeting.

Before I started this change my day began with coughing. This cough would continue off and on all day. I would be constantly breathless, so didn't want to do anything. Even having a long conversation would be impossible because somewhere during it, I would start to cough. My nose would swell so badly that it looked like I had been in a boxing match and anyone who didn't know me would stare at it. If I spoke to someone on the phone who didn't know me, they would comment on my bad cold and hoped I would get better soon.

It has taken me a lot of soul searching to realise that over the years I have stopped caring about myself and I want that to change. I look back now and see that all the cruel remarks were down to jealousy. I so wish that I had realised that at the time and stood up for myself, but I can't go back and change the past, no matter how much I would like too. I am determined now to have a positive, healthy future and not to take cr*p from anyone every again.

This is the start of my journey and for the first time, in a very long time, I feel positive, determined and very happy.

heartbreak_star

We'll always be here to spur you on- I've had the opposite, been fighting to get my weight down for years. Now I've decided to go for fitness and health - hopefully weight loss and a better appearance will be a consequence.

Lots of luck and strength I will keep reading!

HBS x

PS - if you never do anything "for yourself", make at least 15 mins a day to do so. Mini-manicure, couple of chapters of book, nice cuppa and a biscuit, hair treatment, face mask, maybe try some new makeup or hairstyles. Anything just for you!

spidystrider

heartbreak_star wrote: »

We'll always be here to spur you on- I've had the opposite, been fighting to get my weight down for years. Now I've decided to go for fitness and health - hopefully weight loss and a better appearance will be a consequence.

Lots of luck and strength I will keep reading!

HBS x

PS - if you never do anything "for yourself", make at least 15 mins a day to do so. Mini-manicure, couple of chapters of book, nice cuppa and a biscuit, hair treatment, face mask, maybe try some new makeup or hairstyles. Anything just for you!

That's a really good idea. I should always be able to find at least 15 minutes a day to spend on myself.

Good luck on your journey HBS, I am sure you will make it.

moneyistooshorttomention

Spidy

Am following your diary with interest.

Good for you for deciding to make positive efforts of your own towards health.

I can see where you are coming from in your comment about people being jealous of you when in good health - but don't let that stop you. In fact let it incentivise you. I only realised recently how a particular relative (brother in my case) obviously resents me for having reasonable health (as in - he doesnt) and was shocked. He should be pleased that my health is pretty okay and hoping, on my behalf, that that is how it will continue - so it really took me aback when I realised that he doesnt have the appropriate feelings about that, but instead actively resents me for having reasonable health. :eek: But I guess there is a Lesson he has to Learn there - as in how to change his feelings on this into being the appropriate ones and there's nothing I can do to help him "learn that lesson". He will either realise his feelings of resentment about this are wrong and actively work on changing them to the correct ones (ie of being glad for me) or he won't and that is entirely up to him whether he does so or no.

So you may - or may not - have anyone who feels jealous of you for this ever admitting that they wish they had taken a leaf out of your book. Don't hold your breath and be pleasantly surprised if they ever do. I did have one person I know that subsequently died of a serious illness actually say to me near the end "I wish I had listened to you. You were trying to give me all the right advice, but I wouldnt heed it. Thanks for trying" - but it was a bit late by then. Maybe they would have still died anyway. Maybe they would still have been just as ill anyway. We will never know now now.

Best wishes with your Journey to Wellness.

spidystrider

Hi moneyistooshorttomention, thanks for taking an interest in my diary. You really would expect that such a close family member like your brother would want to support you in life. I am sorry yours does not.

I have to say that I have been very lucky with my immediate family. I have 2 brothers and a sister and they have never put me down, ever. On the other hand, my husband's family can be very hurtful. I wasn't only very healthy when I was young, but I was petite and attractive, but never realised it. When I look back at photos of myself, I can't believe that I did not see it and that I believed all the negative things that were said to me.

My husband's sisters and one of his sister's-in-law were the worst. They were all over weight and quite plain and were years older than me. The thing that gets me is I would never have dreamed of saying anything nasty back, as I could never take pleasure in putting someone down.

spidystrider

With all my chatting about the past yesterday I forgot to mention my exercises. There were no changes, so stuck with 4 km/hr for 10 minutes on the treadmill and did my half hour of pilates. I also recorded a exercise programme called Just Jhoom on Fitness TV and have started practicing that. The exercises have a Bollywood theme and are really fun to do. I can only manage the warm-up at the moment because the rest is a bit too energetic for me.

Day Thirteen :

Today I have been on the treadmill again and didn't feel quite as puffed out this time. Maybe I'll be able to go a bit faster sometime next week. I also did some exercises for my abs and do seem to be getting a bit better at these. I can definitely feel them now when I am doing workouts and I think they are getting stronger.

spidystrider

Day 14 :

I have now reached the end of the first 2 weeks of exercise. This seems a good time for a round-up of the changes I have made.

Before I started my new routine I did no exercising at all. It's understandable then, that I felt out of breath just walking up the stairs. I am now walking for 10 minutes on the treadmill at a speed of 4 km/hr. This does leave me a bit puffed out by the end of it, but I can definitely manage it without killing myself. I do still feel a little breathless walking up and down stairs, but it's a lot better than it was. I am also doing at least another half hour of exercise during the week days, my favourite being beginner's pilates.

I have started treating my nasal polyps. Before I started treatment, my nose was very badly swollen and the polyps were nearly hanging out the bottom of my nostrils. My nose felt very heavy and uncomfortable. Now my nose is less swollen and the polyps are closer to the tops of my nostrils. Loads have came away, but they were so tightly packed in there, that there always seems to be more coming down to take the place of the ones that fall out. The treatment definitely isn't a cure and it does cause some discomfort to the skin in and around my nose. I will persevere for now, hoping that I can start breathing through my nose and can take up the Butekyo breathing method, that I use to do many years ago. I should also mention that I have stuck with breathing from my diaphragm, so my breathing has already improved a bit. I used to take loads of quick, shallow breaths, now they are slower and deeper, which feels much better.

I originally started to improve my diet back in June of last year. At the time my weight had dropped to around 6 stone 10 and I really looked and felt awful. I managed to gain weight and when I started this new challenge on 7th January, I was 7 stone 5 and looking a lot better. Over the last couple of weeks I have added another 1lb to that.

I had been suffering with indigestion and gastric reflux since increasing my food intake, but I am taking a probiotic now which has helped. I still find that some days my digestion isn't great, but that is only an occasional problem now.

Overall I am feeling healthier and the cough that was constantly bothering me is a lot better now. The morning was always a bad time for me, especially in the winter months. I found that if I coughed a lot in the morning, this would ruin the day ahead for me. I am now managing to control my cough in the morning and quite often don't do it at all. I do still cough at times during the day, but it isn't as harsh and doesn't last as long.

The 2 weeks of exercise have made me feel a bit stronger and I have really enjoyed doing them. I am waiting for a cable for my multi-gym and look forward to starting some exercising on that. I definitely feel I have made a good start, although I am shocked at just how unhealthy I have let myself become, this time round.

I know I will get healthy and this time I am determined to stick with it and not go down hill ever again.

spidystrider

Day 15 :

Another good day for me. I stuck to the same exercises.

Unless anything different happens during the day, I may just start updating once a week, as it gets pretty repetitive.

spidystrider

Day 17 :

I am really pleased with how everything is going. Today I decided to try walking at 4.5 km/hr on the treadmill and managed my 10 minutes. There is no way I could have done this when I first started, so I am definitely getting fitter.

I have also noticed that when I am doing pilates, that I am getting more flexible and my body feels stronger. I am hardly coughing now and the few times a day that I do cough, I get it under control quickly. Before I started exercising, the cough was constant, so this is making a huge difference to the way I feel.

Unfortunately my nose is still swollen and I'm not sure that the tea tree oil is working anymore. I will persevere for a while longer though and if it doesn't work, I will just try out something else. I am going to beat this and get healthy again.