Hoarding - A New Start

The_Dragon

LIR we had a spring clean, followed by 4 weekly cleaners coming in and it does make the place feel better! It has got to the stage where Dr Dragon is actually getting rid of stuff :j

lostinrates

Thank you the dragon. I think it's a yes then. I want to find out when the builders are next in to know whether it's going to be holding off until afterwards or a before AND after with thoughts about a regular intervention at the back of my mind for the time being.

Catriona, we should all sing and dance like your daughter in our clear spaces! Perhaps a duet will remind you both that the space is better than excess stuff? I dunno. In my new kitchen I have a rug big enough for a session of yoga (which I am not doing) or an exercise video which is not all in one spot. The others suggested moving the table back onto this space but I am resisting, That's space I want to keep for exercising, and singing and dancing.

JayneC

Hi Catriona,

Just wanted to send a virtual hug, you sound overwhelmed. I'm not sure if it's been mentioned on the previous thread but have you looked at flylady - https://www.flylady.net
It definitely helped me to get to grips with the basics and although I don't keep up with it all the time, just little things like making my bed everyday helps me to feel better. It helps to realise you don't have to do everything all at once and just a few minutes can make some difference. HTH x

sjprmc01

Well, I can't say I really don't the 'normal' stuff! I paired up socks from the laundry. Have done a wash and have another in but when I went to take all the socks upstairs I was annoyed at just how much of a tip eldest and middle dds room had gotten so I started overhauling that. Yes it's their room and they should sort it and generally they do but they don't have much space and with the influx of Christmas stuff and also me keeping that bit more up to date with the laundry I've had to sort it out still not quite there but about halfway done!

blossomhill_2

Lonnng post- As the end of year seems to be a time to take a review of 2012, I have put together some tips from things that have helped me tackle my hoard over the last year –sorry it may sound a bit preachy, I have had to talk firmly to myself when no-one else did. Some of this comes from the old thread, with very grateful thanks to those that posted there and helped me to rewire my brain - HTH

Don’t compete with others – well it’s ok to enter the local flowershow but don’t get into a subconscious “cupcake war” with another mum at theschool. If you are trying to make better and better cupcakes by buying more and more equipment – stop, think what your aim is – for your kids to enjoy helping you make them? - to stock the cake stall with saleable cakes? Then why not just do that and when other mum produces her OTT efforts, you can smile gracefully without making excuses, and secretly feel smug that you had fun with your kids while she was cramming equipment into her kitchen

Label yourself – not just “a hoarder” but label yourself with what you are now and what you want to be in 6months’ time.

So “Woman Who Is Manically Collecting Every Piece of Willow Pattern She Ever Encounters” could aim to become “Woman with a Nice Spacious Home Which Contains One Shelf of Willow Pattern”

This allows you to hold onto some aspects of the hoard while acknowledging that change is happening. Eventually you will be too busy living to bother with analysing it all.

I decided on the label “just greedy” aspiring to be “not greedy”

Find Your Trigger Words – mine is “really” – I have learnt that if I think “I could make a really nice job of sorting that/displaying that/storing that!” then I am verging on paralysis from my desire to do it perfectly – I try to rewire it as “I could have a bash at that and see if I could do a half-decent effort”

Don’t “Just Do Something” – churning is “just doing something”rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic is just doing something/buying raw materials you will never use is just doing something. If you waste energy “doing something” you will get demoralised and use up your reserves. Change it to “do something appropriate” (to how well/fit/awake/how much time I have today) – so if your bad back prevents you lifting today, why not take photos of a cluttered area and see what you can see and plan to change.

Create a 9th Square – like the little stocking filler puzzles, you need an empty area to move other things into while they are being sorted – the trick of a 9th square is that it isn’t a storage area, it only contains stuff passing through, so the bags of stuff that will go to CS on Monday, the Christmas gifts that are leaving, the single socks you are pairing up

Put like with like – this doesn’t have to be a practical task,you can do it by photos on your phone sitting in Nero's– so if you have a photo of all your heavy garden planters, you can put them all together in order of preference, and when your grandson visits, instead of a vague “could you help me with some things” you could say “please would you move my favourite planter to prime place on the patio, put the broken one in the bin and this horrible one by the gate so I can Freecycle it”

Acknowledge “aspirational purchases” you have made, and reduce them – you don’t have to get rid of the whole fabric stash just because you are never going to be the self employed seamstress you hoped, you could identify a couple of pieces that you could sew up for your lovely home once you are not wasting your life wading through clutter

Be clear what you are running – is it a home, a cat’s refuge/taxi-firm/grocerystore? Is it turning from a home to one of them? Should it? If you are running a business from home, when you do your annual stocktake, also take stock of how much room it is taking up in your home and be ruthless about any items that are not earning their keep. If you are NOT running a business, don’t get sucked into clever business-type marketing jargon for items – it’s not “cardstock”, it’s just card and you don’t need cupboards full of it, even if you do like making cards. If you are just a person, you don’t need “stock”

Stay ahead of the craft trends – if you plan to make a bit of cash by selling the latest trend in craft items, also plan an exit strategy for when the trend starts to wane – so if the sale of “scotty dog/teacups/dotty-prints/vintage/owls”starts to peter out, pack up your owl material into sets and auction it off before you get left with it. That will free up cash to buy material to make the next trend. It’s otherwise hard to part with stuff that’s recently gone out of date.

Learn to see, not just look – if you become complacent about the clutter you will start to blank it out to stop it overwhelming you. Take photos so you can see the items not just the task. Then you won’t see “oh I’ve so much to do” or “I must do that washing”, instead you will see the elephant in the room, which may be that 80% of it is things other people have dumped on you, or you will see “I am storing things I no longer need or like” or “it’s a timewarp and I am Miss Haversham”

PS - After Christmas I noticed that my mantelpiece had been graced with a tin of Pledge and a duster throughout Christmas! :rotfl:

frizz2

Hi Everyone,
I have just read some of the more recent meassages and feel inspired to join you all. I am a mum of two teenage boys and have a husband and a cat I work part time and often feel over whelmed by the clutter in my home! I would describe myself as a hoarder, I find it hard to throw things away that may be useful one day. Also, I can identify with having a mum brought up during the war. I am nearly 50 but my Mum use to regullarly go through my things as a child if I was messy and throw them away! I now find it hard to part with my children's old toys as I feel they might want me to keep hold of things for their old things.

I find it hard to distinguish between what I need to keep and what is unnecessary.
I have however turned over a new leaf and am determined to first use up what I have, all shampoos conditioners, mosturisers, make up, nail varnish before I buy anything else. Also I am not going to buy any more clothes this year because I have more than enough. I love shopping in charity shops and jumble sales and have not been buying new clothes but I have more than enough clothes.
I am going to sort my house out and get rid of all the unwanted stuff. I have lots of fabric I have noy yet used for craft projects and am determined not to buy any more fabric, again I am going to use up what I have.
I went to the dump yesterday and got rid of a whole load of old stuff. I am going again today.
Best wishes to you all and I look forward to reading how you all get on with your own decluttering!
FRIZZ

blossomhill_2

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I've been able to part with a lot of my parents stuff, but there is more work to be done. Some of the most difficult things are personal paperwork. I don't really need my mum's Christmas present lists from the 50's and 60's, it's VERY difficult to part with them.

You may not need them but they may be the one thing that captures your mum's personality to you - if so, why not make sure you store it properly, I bought some acid-free tissue for such treasures and having them stored properly has helped me to get rid of some lesser things that I inherited.

Having the treasure and the lesser stuff stored together and deteriorating is not good for you or for it.

Maybe you need to keep it, after all, why not, it's a little piece of social history of how she lived then. I've mentioned before the book Where Did It All Go Right (Growing Up Normal in The 60s) - it is a great book for seeing how simply we used to live and realising that we used to be happy with 2 fish fingers a slice of bread and a Supermousse for tea

whitewing

I had a bit if a go at DH about how mindless our eating is. We do chuck stuff now rather than stuff it down - I know not everyone agrees with chucking, but it is part of changing our habits, not something we will always do. With DD in nappies if she needed nappies, we had to buy them so then it got to not using coupons (DH hates them but they get us £1 or £1.50 off a pack so I get cross), but also we would just spend as we were in the shop. We don't have a huge amount in the kitchen cupboards but if there's a loaf of bread and a tin of beans, DH won't think that we'll have beans on toast for tea, he doesn't think that's a proper meal. Anyway, that has to change. Last year's credit card is tipping into interest bearing now so have the hassle of balance transferring something that should have been paid off.

DH is finishing his shift soon so will hopefully squeeze in a visit to the recycling centre before it shuts.

DD is asleep on the chair, clutching a photo of her brother who is away for a few days.

I am just about to start what I am supposed to be doing today. Had some (good, work) interruptions.

Broomstick

blossomhill, I love the name ' ninth square'. We already have one shelf in our sitting room that is serving that function for small items that need to go and it works well and I have just created another space that will be used for clearing out larger items. I am now going to name them 'ninth squares' - my (adult) DSs will like that!

There were two more things I wondered if I could add into the pot of ideas.

Ring-fence the problem. It helped me to realise that I did not have hoarding problems in some areas of my life and some, which used to be a problem, are no longer: clothes, food, toiletries, kitchen paraphernalia, household linen, toys... all of these were fine or have been dealt with over the years. Other things are borderline and happened for a reason eg. educational materials and craft materials were linked to work. And some - particularly paperwork and books - are tied in with the more difficult stuff for me to deal with. That's the level I'm sorting now. In other words, for some people, hoarding may not be an across-the-board problem, just in select areas.

Stop waiting until the charity shop box or bin bag of shredding or car boot etc is full before disposing of it. . I try to time trips to the charity shop/dump/recycling centre with other errands but I've decided that it's more important to clear stuff out than count the pennies in fuel costs. It goes against the grain and feels wasteful but frequent trips for getting smallish amounts of stuff out the house is a short term expense in order to achieve a long term goal and it keeps a sense of progress going. Having piles of bags sitting around that need to go when I have a full car, or whatever, is a block for me.

B x

whitewing

I completely agree with small and frequent trips; anytime we get a chance now we try and take something. It means that 3 skirts and 1 horrible cardi are going. Really 3 shabby poloneck jumpers should go too if I am being brave and acknowledging that not only are they worn, they also are too tight.