Hoarding - A New Start

hobbitfancier

Feeling inspired reading all this. I just turned 24, am still leaving at home and unemployed, my mum is a hoarder as I discovered a couple of months ago thanks to this forum. She has her up and down days, still can be quite emotionally abusive, when I clean I always do a "sh** lazy job", when I take the day to do a job application/blog/do other things outside the house I'm "useless, lazy and ungrateful", I "get paid to sit on my a**" (in reference to my being on the dole, not an ideal state of affairs.) She's a cleaner and hates her job and takes her frustrations out on us at home.

On good days she's encouraging me to buy new clothes, or talking about new things she wants to buy for the house, its a new set of wine and whiskey glasses recently, nevermind the fact that a) she doesn't drink either b) we wouldn't have the quantity of guests to justify a grand purchase of nice glasses c) there's no space in the glass display only case which would probably mean she'd need to purchase a case to display them ... and so it goes on and on......

Anyway, over the coming weeks I plan to tackle once and for all, the boxes of undergrad essays, old exam papers and notes, and gather bags of clothes and books to give to the charity shop. I'm quite a fiend for buying things that don't quite fit on eBay, but try to sell them on or donate them. But there's a number of piles of t-shirts and cardigans that could be "worn around the house", but if I haven't worn them in a year, they'll never get worn. I feel that 'just in case' guilt that i've inherited from my mum

littlegreenparrot

I mark exam papers in the summer Patchwork and I do exactly the same.

I can't sit and concentrate for longer than that anyway, and I find it really helps.
If there's loads of junk in the way I find it effects my concentration - so for example if theres washing up, I can't really do anything else until thats done. (This is also because I'm a hopeless procrastinator - when a deadline loomed at Uni you would find me handwashing laundry that I'd ignored for 3 months!)

It sounds weird but its almost like a treat, so I'll set myself small targets. Mark 10 more then out in the sunshine to hang the washing (although not so much last year!) It also keeps a basic standard, so after the manic work is finished its less overwhelming to catch up.

This year if we continue to progress I'm hoping to be nice and comfy in the spare room - rather than hanging off the edge of the kitchen table....

maddiemay

I just did a post introducing myself and it has completely disappeared:eek:. So for the moment I will just say hi, may I please join you from time to time. I see that a few fellow No More Toiletries buddies are here already:)

GreyQueen

maddiemay wrote: »

I just did a post introducing myself and it has completely disappeared:eek:. So for the moment I will just say hi, may I please join you from time to time. I see that a few fellow No More Toiletries buddies are here already:)

Hello and welcome in. Isn't it just maddening when the gremlins eat your post? They always eat the best ones, too, not the two-liners which are easy to recreate.

Right, gonna put this pooter to bed, between work and leisure, I'm turning square-eyed. Laters, GQ xx

wannabe_sybil

If I lose a page I try using the 'go back a page' arrow then often I find it and can cut and paste.

study leave - I was told that the human mind could effectively concentrate for fifteen minutes at high focus. So when I was doing my A levels I did fifteen minutes on, five off. Those gaps can mount up - and be a valuable 'digesting' time for your study. btw I got the highest 'points' total of 'A' levels in the school, closely followed by a nervous breakdown.

Just popping in to say Hi, I am impressed, I am making plans for next week when I should have some spare time.

lostinrates

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

If I lose a page I try using the 'go back a page' arrow then often I find it and can cut and paste.

study leave - I was told that the human mind could effectively concentrate for fifteen minutes at high focus. So when I was doing my A levels I did fifteen minutes on, five off. Those gaps can mount up - and be a valuable 'digesting' time for your study. btw I got the highest 'points' total of 'A' levels in the school, closely followed by a nervous breakdown.

Just popping in to say Hi, I am impressed, I am making plans for next week when I should have some spare time.

I think studying depends on the person.

I am a fifteen minutes kind of person and LOVE mind maps. I put them on the walls of my bedroom and bathroom (you always have time to read a short mind map when having a widdle o) dh on the other hand, has remarkable facility to take in great reams of stuff, at a slower pace, but to commit tracts to memory. He find my mind maps scary and lacking in depth....I find his notes dense, and too much to want to sit and take in.

blossomhill_2

Morning!

A few more thoughts

Don't be fooled by an organised hoard - reorganising your hoard can still be "churning" if it isn't being reduced or leaving the house - just because it is now neat and you've thrown away the packaging in favour of transparent storage crates doesn't make storing industrial quanities of a certain product "normal" any more than having a neat wardrobeful of clothes that don't fit you is "normal" - it may be common but it's not something to aspire to

Don't be suckered by packaging designers - products are designed to be attractive so its no wonder you find the packaging too attractive to throw away. If a certain brand of marg tub is your downfall, change brands - don't let it into the house, swap to butter, don't play their game

Don't wash rubbish - why would you, it's not "normal" to wash rubbish but if you wash the marg tub it takes on mystical qualities and puts you under its spell, so bin while dirty! You can think about saving the world via recycling once you've saved your family from drowning under a pile of marg tubs

Don't hoard by proxy - if someone else wants your waste packaging, say bubblewrap, jamjars, marg tubs, set a quantity and stick to it - DS wants marg tubs for his Warhammer, ok, agree how many he needs rather than saving every one. DF need takeaway trays for seed propogation, ok tell him you will save them between Jan-Mar only. Otherwise you will end up as a repository for such rubbish that is going to other people. (and may avoid the situation where they meekly take them off you but tell their friends they haven't the heart to ask you to stop)

No nesting - if you are keeping something, keep it in one container, appropriate to its needs, not in tissue within a carrier, within another carrier within a canvas bag in a holdall in a box in a wardrobe. (When that carrier selfcombusts you will have an unholy mess anyway). If you have to play pass the parcel to manage your belongings you are unlikely to manage them well

Take items out of context to sort them out - winter boots laid out on a patio table in summer are much easier to be objective about than when you are wearing them day in day out in the fug of winter

Catriona_P

I like mind maps too Lostinrates - I'm quite a visual person and find it easier to 'visualise' the information that way.

Unfortunately doing bite-sized chunks of study isn't really an option next week. My exam is 3 hours long (and timings between questions are tight) so I need to get some writing practice in by doing past papers as if I was actually sitting them.

BUT - I'm doing my list of one tidying task a day for next week too, which should help break it up a bit.

DundeeDoll

lostinrates wrote: »

I think studying depends on the person.

I am a fifteen minutes kind of person and LOVE mind maps. I put them on the walls of my bedroom and bathroom (you always have time to read a short mind map when having a widdle o) dh on the other hand, has remarkable facility to take in great reams of stuff, at a slower pace, but to commit tracts to memory. He find my mind maps scary and lacking in depth....I find his notes dense, and too much to want to sit and take in.

Most definitely. I teach study skills and am a great fan of Fleming's VARK (google his site for a quiz and tips on how to study). I've been to a couple of his workshops. At the first i found i was very low visually and high aurally. he looked me straight in the eye and said you dont understand mind maps do you? Yet you see how effective they are for others and think if i just give them one more try... Spot on. He then 'gave me permission' to accept mindmaps are not for me. Better as an aural learner to talk through what i'm learning, even if it's just with my teddy

blossomhill_2

hobbitfancier - sorry to hear about your situation, unfortunately its not uncommon but is usually left unsaid so well done for talking about it. She may not want you moaning about her to the neighbours but don't feel obligued to hide the way things are, even if mum creates a bittersweet mix of love and bewilderment. You can still love her without loving what she puts you through

Do you think there are other factors affecting your mum's moods? bad diet/drink/hormonal inbalances/lack of sleep? If not then her thinking may be being affected by her hoarding

You may not find a solution while living at home but at least can distance yourself from it by taking pride in managing your own resources well

The glasses (which I know are just one example) are what we'd call an "aspirational" purchase - does she clean homes or offices? Maybe she sees similar in homes that she'd aspire to live in or offices in which she'd love to be a whitecollar worker