Hoarding - A New Start

JayneC

blossomhill wrote: »

Morning!

A few more thoughts

Don't wash rubbish - why would you, it's not "normal" to wash rubbish but if you wash the marg tub it takes on mystical qualities and puts you under its spell, so bin while dirty! You can think about saving the world via recycling once you've saved your family from drowning under a pile of marg tubs

Have you been talking to my son:rotfl: He keeps telling me that I shouldn't wash this stuff but in my defence it does mostly go in the recycling box. I can't bring myself to put dirty milk containers/cat food tins in there as I know it gets sorted by hand.... tho i do keep marg tubs, but only a few now and I do now throw them out when the lids goes missing/breaks. I did throw away a lid from a plastic tub today whose base hasn't been seen for at least year:o

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I do a lot of eBaying, so I like to keep boxes and Jiffy bags to re-use. I genuinely have a use for these things, but I now have a cupboard full of boxes.

This sounds familiar:o Thinking about it - I really don't need as many as I have and am therefore going to prune them.

Sorted out my make up bag, didn't have much to start with but have pruned that right down and got rid of some stuff that must be over 20 years old:eek:

Feeling better already.

Thanks guys:)

falady

Gah! Lost a post twice! Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something!

I was basically trying to say thank you for the posts about packaging - they struck a cord with me.

Also also that I have done a massive decluttering session in my very spare room of doom and it looks SO much better! Lots to go to the tip / charity shop tomorrow and more work in there to be done, but I feel lighter and happier already :-)

trishx

I realised I was a hoarder a couple of months ago after one too many people commented on how I was like those people on TV. After watching one or two episodes, I was stunned that some of them aren't actually as bad (some of them are just older than me - I'm 30 this month) - it wasn't the volume of stuff these people had it was their attitude towards it which hit a chord and scared me a little.

I've just read through this thread and I see that I'm not alone! Ridiculous quantity of packaging material? Tick. Keeping hold of a piece of sports equipment I haven't used in ten years because I might need it soon? Tick. Supplies for every craft / hobby which I'd like to do but never do? Tick.

So up until November I'd not got rid of anything since I was about 17 - if it's broken or doesn't fit, it doesn't matter - I'll keep it because I can "make something out of it". Unfortunately I'm still quite proud of my ability to pull together a fancy dress outfit from stuff I already have (the last outfit featured a top I'd bought while on a school trip) and I stress that should I get rid of stuff I will immediately want it again.

I get it from my Dad, who I don't believe has thrown anything out, erm, ever! I think he has some issues where members of his family would give his stuff away when he wasn't there (he lived abroad most of his life but used to return for leave). I bought him a Kindle and the first thing he requested was a copy of a book he lent his brother in the 50s and never got back. I can't say I blame him though as some of the stories involve some quite expensive items (a car, a sextant, an old Indian chess set made from ivory... the list goes on). Books are his main thing - I once volunteered to do a car boot sale when I was about 21 and he produced a whole bookcase of books for me to sell, however it transpired that these were just the "doubles". He won't even get rid of the doubles now though as they live in the spare room "for guests" (the idea being that they could take the book with them if they don't finish it before they leave) - the fact he never has guests doesn't matter. Oh, I could tell some stories about my Dad! He's a whole shopping basket full of reading glasses which he's been "collecting" since he started needing them in his 50s (he's 82). I recently asked him if he had a soldering iron I could borrow, "yes, I've a couple" he said, but he didn't... he had six. Anyway, this isn't meant to be about Dad, it's about how I need to stop turning into him.

So, operation "get rid of stuff" started a couple of months ago. I realised that there are two things I really fear about getting rid of stuff 1) that I'll need it later and regret getting rid of it and 2) that'll I'll forget that I've gotten rid of it and waste hours looking for it (which regularly happens when you have so much stuff). So psychologically, if I get rid of stuff by selling it, the regret will be less as I will have at least got some money for it (believe it or not I'm transferring some of my hoarding tenancies to money - I'd like to call it being frugal but I know the truth, it's the same mentality). The act of selling it requires more action so should help me remember that I no longer have it. Makes sense, right? So in November and December I sold 30 items on eBay, I actually made a decent amount of money and was quite pleased with myself (it also helped that I did three trips to the post office with a sack of stuff - so it felt like it was making progress on that front too). Unfortunately most of these things were new with tags, duplicates (yes, I am my father) or stuff which I really, really knew I won't need again - in short, I didn't have an emotional attachment to any of it. That sort of stuff has dried up now and my attempts to sell old clothes and used handbags on eBay is not going so well (unsurprisingly) - but these are the items that I know that if I just chuck them out I will neeeeed them!

So I hope that following / posting on this thread, it will give me the encouragement and motivation to continue with Operation Get Rid of Stuff.

So on that note; I've just thrown 9 pairs of dirty / tatty / broken shoes in the bin! But hold the applause; my feet shrank from a size 5 to a size 4 when I was 21 (weird, I know) so actually none of them fitted me anyway - I've just been hoarding a whole box of dirty / tatty / broken shoes which didn't even fit for 9 years! Ho hum, still it's better than last night when I decided to tackle my collection of jeans and then spent the rest of the night making one pair of worn out at the heels jeans into a skirt!

hobbitfancier

I'm trying not to pick up the same patterns of behaviour as my mum so have succeeded in throwing out some old things today, including a box of nail polish i hadn't worn in 3+ years. I'm more worried now that mum will see them in the bin and pick them out/start an argument.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

trishx wrote: »

Ho hum, still it's better than last night when I decided to tackle my collection of jeans and then spent the rest of the night making one pair of worn out at the heels jeans into a skirt!

Well, you now have a denim skirt, so any other pairs of jeans can be safely removed, as you have already achieved the one thing you could make out of them.






Oh, by the way, the ivory chess set was probably cheap plastic. The car was probably rotting in the front garden, so they got rid because it looked like a scrap yard. The sextant probably cost the equivalent of about £20 nowdays - and the book was probably returned a week later, but never found.


Hoarders are often incredibly bad at seeing just what utter rubbish or trifling amounts things are - everything is always worth hundreds and thousands of pounds - and often they are terrible at accepting that something has been returned to them, as it interferes with their mental script that awful things are happening Right Now if something is moved or not kept in close sight.



I still have a video of Titanic belonging to my mother, apparently. Despite never having taken the damn thing in the first place, still having never seen the damn movie as of today and having politely refused it at the time as I had absolutely zero interest in it in about 2003 when it was offered to me, having had no interest in the movie in the mid nineties when it came out. I wouldn't even use a video of it as a firelighter. And the damn woman had at least 2 videos and 2 DVD copies of it, so even if I had, it's not as if she couldn't watch one of the three other copies of it.


I'll put money on it being at the bottom of one of the mountainous towers of videos and DVDs. They each reach eight foot tall, you know. Not bad for someone who is about four foot ten. Who can't reach a three foot six cupboard to put anything away.

But the script in Her head is something along the lines of 'It's mine, all mine, it's my stuff, not anybody else's, I don't share because it's all mine, I won't let anybody take away my stuff, they'll steal my stuff if I can't see it and I want to look at it because it's mine, they'll just steal it from me unless I watch it because they're thieves and it's mine.......'

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

hobbitfancier wrote: »

I'm trying not to pick up the same patterns of behaviour as my mum so have succeeded in throwing out some old things today, including a box of nail polish i hadn't worn in 3+ years. I'm more worried now that mum will see them in the bin and pick them out/start an argument.

Make sure she doesn't see them, then.

Get rubbish out. Properly out, so it can't be dragged back into the lair when your back is turned and emptied all over the back garden or kitchen floor in search of something valuable like a 25p dented can of beans from 1989.

mcculloch29

For those thinking of getting a cleaner - do, but do make sure you get a good one. I've just had to let mine go as my income has dropped - but as I am working from home at the moment I've been able to keep up with things. I'm disabled and found it very hard to run two demanding pt jobs and keep the house & garden clean and tidy too.

Mine came once a week with a helper for an hour for the last two years and was great. I've worked hard on keeping the place tidy since her last visit and thanks to her good organisational skills in finding the best place for everything it's been a lot easier than it would have been before she arrived.

Before I had my cleaner, I had a bit of a disaster when I paid a friend to clean for me. She demanded I have everything neat and tidy for her before she cleaned and wanted me to work alongside her! Well that was pointless, if I had the energy to tidy up, I would have cleaned too. My cleaner made no such demands, needless to say.

My cleaner also regularly took bags of CS stuff for me - I think it went via her local church, but I didn't care where it went, as long as it went.

I've made a vow not to open junk mail that I KNOW is junk. Holiday brochures are all going straight from the mat into the recycling wheelybin.

Hello to fellow toiletries addicts.. and for those who do hoard toiletries the No Buying Unnecessary Toiletries thread is a lovely thread of supportive people. It was my first regular thread on MSE 2 years ago.

blossomhill_2

JayneC wrote: »

Have you been talking to my son:rotfl: He keeps telling me that I shouldn't wash this stuff but in my defence it does mostly go in the recycling box. I can't bring myself to put dirty milk containers/cat food tins in there as I know it gets sorted by hand....

I can relate to this ... and it is very considerate of you ... but the people sorting it are provided with protective clothing, gloves etc ... and there is a tipping point when you may be showing more consideration to those well-protected strangers than you are to your own family- does DS have to perch his mug on the edge of the counter to make tea because it is littered with recyclable plastic you have washed because you dont want a stranger to get a little bolognaise sauce on his work gloves?

I got rid of my obsession with keeping my recycling pristine by watching a video of a recycling plant - it all gets washed and washed and washed far more thoroughly than I ever could

and as a helpful poster said on here last year, it's the majority component that is the important thing in recyclables, so I think "hey if it's 98% plastic and 2% shepherd's pie ..."

I also picture something that was a common sight in non-PC comedy sketches of my yoof - nosey women on their doorsteps discussing with the milkman which scarlet-woman wifey did or didn't wash her milk bottles - not something I'd care about!

trishx - ((((Hugs))) your dad sounds so like my late dad, and I loved him for it, but it is all a bit hard to get left with. However yesterday I found among his old belongings a strip of rubber perfect for repairing my newish pet-hair vacuum which B**** dont sell a part for and haven't had the decency to reply to my email's about! My dad left ice cream tubs and OXO tins full of glasses and watches (among many other things)

I also have trouble getting rid of ivory because the trade is so heinous I don't feel I can just waste the items whereas I should just want it out of my home for the same reason!

For anyone who has trouble with hoarding things they have "rescued to repair" - this is what I tell myself

So Could Anyone - in the words of the song
"I could have been someone" "well so could anyone!"
So when I think "I could repair that" I counter it with "Well so could anyone, but most people have the sense not to, and to get on with their lives instead!"

I must confess, I am in the middle of a massive repurposing project, so I do see the value/merit in saving stuff (I'll own up when it's finished!) but am now able to let many things go by because I am very sure what I am capable of, and saving every useful or broken object in the UK isn't it!

trishx - one more thing, you are on the right track getting rid of the easy quick win stuff, BNWT etc, it will clear space in your life and your head and make the emotional stuff easier - promise!

GreyQueen

Hello and welcome Trishx.

It.s very moving to read about your Dad and his relationships with Stuff. My next-of-kin hoarder is Mum. You can love your parent to pieces and still be stressed and frustrated by some of their hoarding behaviours and fearful of emulating them.

I wouldn't consider myself to be much of a hoarder but as my flat is absolutely tiny, you don't need much stuff to feel oppressed by it in here. I do very definately have hoarderish-tendancies with a soundtrack in my head which says things like;

1. If you get rid of that you'll need it one day and maybe you can't afford it then and you'll be sorry.

Possibly true. Probably untrue. What is for sure is that for a long while after you've parted from your item you'll be subsconsciously searching for a use for it and perhaps stretching reality to "find" one so you can beat yourself up emotionally for parting with it. As to affording another one, how realistic is that fear? Could you price up the replacement vs the price of your accomodation's square footage devoted to storage and see if it's a reasonable exchange?

2. Don't make them anymore, y'know.

No, they don't make them anymore. Probably because the world has moved on and there's something smaller, faster, neater and tidier doing the same job. Gordon Bennett, the housemoves of my youth with huge boxes of vinyl records !!!!!!. The i-pod generation don't know they're born.

3. If you junk this worn-out garment you could end up with no clothes and have to go outside nekkid.

How often do you do laundry? How many clothes do you actually wear in a month? Betcha it's a lot less than you keep and that if you're normal you wear 20% of your clothes 80% of the time.

4. It's made of useful materials. You could make something out of that.

Almost certainly possible. Human ingenuity knows no bounds. But is it a good use of your time? Would you like and value what you make with the discards? Could someone else with more time on their hands be enjoying this?

5. You should be able to recycle those.

When I rule the world, manufacturers won't be able to sell anything which they haven't set up a recycling scheme for. Until then, there is quite a bit of stuff which is theoretically recyclable but isn't being recycled. You can make every effort but still have a slew of stuff in this category. Lobby for better facilities, make different choices at point of purchase but don't think that your cupboards, sheds and storage need to be a landfill substitute. It's a fire risk, if nothing else.

6. If you don't keep every card, gift or trinket given to you by a friend, someday you'll die and some stranger will go through your effects and think you were a right Billy No Mates.

A few of us will be cleared-up after by strangers but mostly, we'll have our effects tidied and cleared by our relatives. Your nearest and dearest will know if you were a loving Mum, a good friend or a miserable get. They don't want to wade thru 40+ years of your birthday cards, valentines and whatnot. And, if strangers do end up tiding your life away, they won't give a darn but they will be left with a better impression if you're not a hoarder.

7. You have to photograph every occasion, from a trip to the pub to your holiday because if you don't there's no proof it actually happened, right? People might retrospectively revoke your trip to Stonehenge or your 40th birthday party if you can't show photographic evidence it really did happen.

I was at Stonehenge in 2005. I have a photograph which proves it. There's me, there's the monument in the background. On the one or two occasions I've mentioned that I've been there, NOT ONE PERSON has called me a liar and demanded photographic evidence. Amazing, huh? It's a carp pic on a grey day and I had a bad haircut so I shall lose it somewhere.

VJsmum

The clothes thing is interesting. I have far too many clothes. I sometimes wear something I don't like to "save" something i like - what is the point of that? I caught sight of a holiday snap from the summer where I was wearing a flouncy top I don't like with some 3/4 length trousers that don't suit me. I looked like a fat bird with short legs. Both items went out "toute de suite".

We have just been on another holiday. The cost of putting a case in the hold was £50, so we limited it to 2 cases between 5 of us. I still bought back clean stuff as there were things packed that I like wearing - they look OK and make me feel confident. I didn't want to wear them only once (my DS seems to feel the same about his underpants - but he's 13 so minging by definition :rotfl:) we bought back a pile of clean, unworn stuff.

So that has me thinking about all of my clothes and I am going to cull all those that don't suit me or I don't feel confident in, whatever they cost in the first place. I am still struggling with the "its OK to make a mistake" thing.