Hoarding - A New Start

Picklepot

Friendly lurker update

Dear All

Happy New Year! Thanks to you all for your motivation/support/kick up the bums when needed. I dont post very often because i always think i should have a success story to tell but i now realise its an ongoing process with peaks and troughs bad times and good.

I have had a LBM between autumn and christmas, i probably hit the lowest point yet, i wont bore you with all the details. However something has clicked and after so long standing on the sidelines, going round in circles despairing at where to start we are making positive progress. Its just baby steps but definite progress. For those of you who are feeling the despair i did i found starting small really helped and telling myself if you do nothing else today..clear out that bedside drawer or get as much recycling/rubbish out asap or cull the magazine pile . when you start to see little islands of success it really spurs you on.I also found 15 minute bursts invaluable and often use a timer to motivate me.This helps balance the commitment of study/housework/job but keeps up the momentum As some of the other posters say start with things that do not have any sentimental pull for you, i am ok with paperwork as long as its business type stuff.

I cant remember who the poster is that has a problem with jam jars - i would recommend you DO NOT read a book called a year of good deeds since reading it i have become quite attached to jam jars when previously i had not given them a thought. However i am still resisting keeping any... well maybe two particularly nice ones deep sigh

Catriona_P

Hey guys.

Took the xmas tree down today (finally) and had a minor tidy and hoover of the living room. Nothing really thrown away apart from Xmas cards into the recycling, but we had a tidy up of my little one's toys so everything looks a bit neater now. Well, it looks neater to me, OH says not, but then he would with his inachievable minimalist dream.

Will do a bit of tidying in the dining room tomorrow, I have a few things hidden around that room that I'd like to sell either on eBay or through my work's classifieds page.

Now - to get the study books out for the rest of the night!

whitewing

I got given a new leather purse for xmas, so I have cleared my old purse out, plus the expired / not used cards. I'm not that keen on the new purse design, but the old purse was not that great either. The new purse is lighter in colour though so in theory that should be easier to see in the bottomless pit that is my bag.

I also have got rid of a couple of small piles of kipple.

picklepot, you don't need success stories ... I'm just as motivated (if not more so) by other people's sticking points or questions as I am by everyone's brilliant progress.. you all make me think of things that help us. Even reading newbies 'where do I start?' is inspiring because it reminds me how it used to be!

Goldiegirl

Patchwork_Quilt wrote: »

Enjoyed reading everyone's posts today - thank you.

Am just sitting and wondering why I keep my teddy. He's been in a wardrobe or box for 40 years. Likewise my Mum's porcelain doll. I'm not necessarily ready to get rid of them but it does make me wonder what they are for. After two children of my own, I think I've grown out of them by now.

Does anyone else have a mental 'that might have to go' list?

In other news, DD is taking the electric blankets up to Uni. Both of them. Hurrah! I did use one on our bed until we got a (free from a friend) memory foam mattress, which keeps us very warm indeed. They were within a week of going in the bin. She is also taking a very nice tin, with instructions to bin it if she can't find an immediate use for it. Don't want to hoard by proxy!

Regarding keeping old toys ..... I've got a doll and two monkeys which I have kept since childhood.

David(the doll) was 45 on Christmas Day.

Most children had teddies, but I preferred monkeys. In total, I had three monkeys, Bimbo, Bimbo II and Bimbo III. I don't know what happen to the original Bimbo, but Bimbo II must be 50 years old and is in a very sorry state. BimboIII is slightly younger, but not in much better condition. If asked, I couldn't really explain WHY I keep them, I don't need them but it would be difficult to throw them out.

I've got lots of things I do want to get rid of, so I can leave the difficult questions for another time, but one day I will have to seriously think about David and the Bimbos future.

I was talking about packaging earlier.

I've just remembered I've got boxes that TV's and computers were delivered in, all stored in the loft. We haven't got the Tv's and computers anymore, but the boxes are still up there! That's more stuff for recycling.

I'm loving this thread. It's giving me a chance to think about my belongings, and the analyse my behaviour. It's also interesting to read about everyone else's experiences.

whitewing

We don't have to get rid of everything sentimental!

decogecko

whitewing wrote: »

We don't have to get rid of everything sentimental!

IMHO they would come under things that you love and cherish. I still have Katie rabbit soft toy, I don't need her but I still love her and it would be unthinkable for me to get rid of her. That said I had a major cull of soft toys a couple of years ago and only kept those that I loved.

Byatt

Goldie, I still have a doll's dinner service in Willow pattern that I got one Xmas. I first saw it in the shop near where I lived, it was in the window, and I used to detour that way after school just to stand and stare at it. I think I asked the cost, but don't remember, I was probably 8? One day the dinner set was gone and I was so sad...but then on Xmas morning there it was, I have loved it ever since, it's packed away and has been for years, but it's all I have left from my childhood, (long story)...but I just like knowing it's there, I can't bring myself to part with it.

Hi, Picklepot, do post more often. xx
WW, spot on post, :T

lostinrates

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

How many takeaways do you have in a week? And do you really need the menu each time, or do you tend to order the same three things when you call?

I look up the menu on my phone or laptop if I need to - but usually, I know what I prefer from each place, so really only need the number, although that can often be bypassed by using one of the takeaway websites like Just Eat.

Oh jojo, it's just not like that outside cities!


We keep our takeaway menus too. Or a couple of them anyway. We order different things and they don't all have websites.

Just eat doesn't cover rural areas or provide good service in smaller towns near here. Only the ones we tried and ruled out when we first moved and didn't have a kitchen.

My menus are in the top drawer of my bureau. If its ion a drawer in lir land (not dh's drawer) its organised.

Brighton_belle

Newly_retired wrote: »

Any hints as to how to get DH to start decluttering?

A very difficult one. In my experience, forcing it just doesn't work. What I have done over the last 2 years is casually explain as I get rid why I am doing so,


e.g.

• having less stuff makes it easier for me to keep the house clean,
• helps me feel less stressed and overwhelmed,
• helps me find stuff I do want more easily.
• makes me feel lighter and happier
• makes me feel safer for the future vis a vis any sudden health/mobilty problems (having expereinced this is the past, my own goal is to make life as simple and streamlined as possible)

I also will say, as I am actively decluttering, what I find difficult about the process and that I dont always find it easy to let go but the pay off for me becomes worth it.


I name different sorts of clutter, e.g.:

• this is aspirational clutter- i.e. realistically I am never going to use/make/repair this because I haven't done so in the 5 -0 years I have had it.
• this is sentimental clutter i.e. someone I loved gave me this...but it ismn't my taste/I don't want it and the persons love for me isn't tied up in the object, the love or memory will still remain.
• We have more than enough of these (say excessive bedding/towels) we do not need this many.

I also talk about any potential new stuff coming in:

• where is it going to live
• what do we need to get rid of to make space for this

I also try and pick out stuff that might be easy for him to get rid of for him to practice the sensation e.g out of his mass of books, some old comedy books. I keep such a request as unloaded as possible, assuring him he is free to keep it, I am just checking, just in case he easily feels it is ok to go.
Trust has been key - I don't thrown anything away of his without his say so.

At some point I think it is ok to say how his excessive stuff impacts on you - keeping the convo calm but clear.
At the end of the day, I try and remind myself how I would feel if someone 'made' me get rid of the stuff I still find difficult and that this is his home too. (While not forgetting it is my space too and I am entitled to have the convo about how it makes me feel).
The best way I deal with frustration at the s.l.o.w. pace of change is to refocus on my own stuff and keep working on that.
But the breakthrough moments are great and over several years I have seen change... just not at the pace I would ideally choose

Brighton_belle

Picklepot wrote: »

For those of you who are feeling the despair i did i found:

• starting small really helped
• Start with things that do not have any sentimental pull for you.

telling yourself if you do nothing else today..

• clear out that bedside drawer
• or
• get as much recycling/rubbish out asap
• or
• cull the magazine pile .

When you start to see little islands of success it really spurs you on.

I also found 15 minute bursts invaluable and often use a timer to motivate me.This helps balance the commitment of study/housework/job but keeps up the momentum

Such great advice Picklepot - hope you don't mind but I broke up the paragraph to read it more easily: I have great difficulty with blocks of type on screen, but this was such helpful advice i thought it worth repeating for other lurkers who feel they can only post if they have sucess stories... please don't feel that any lurkers.