Want to do something with my life

ska_lover

Hi OP,

I am going to say this as if I were speaking to a friend who had just said all that, and friends tell the truth, so sorry if this offends..

Sorry - but you come across as a bit of a whiner, you have a partner, a child, a job, a house, and good health. Many people would give their right arm to swap their problems for yours.

You say you are only 25, and then quote ''Ideally I would like a bunch of good, decent mates where I could go along and have a good time doing something like a good walk etc once in a while''.
Are you serious - a walk?? Most 25 year olds would NOT consider this to be a social activity, and whilst the fact that you enjoy this fab, but you are not going to meet many other people your own age who enjoy going for walks..for fun. Perhaps findind common ground with other people would be a starting point, and this person who you say is half a friend, why not invite him out for a couple of pints and build more on that friendship?


Then you go on to say:-
''Id like to wake up and enjoy my day instead of plodding along to work, waiting for finish time, only to come home and laze in front of the TV until bed time.'' Most people do feel this way. We all go to work to pay the bills, not for the enjoyment of it. (as unfortunate as that is We would all like to wake up and enjoy our day rather than go to work..

I'm in a similar situation at the moment with regards to disliking my paticular job - I have worked in this field for quite some time and is not fullfilling to me at all these days - and I do think that your work is depressing you more than you think. I mean we spend so much time at work that the fact you hate your job is probably rubbing off massively in other areas of your life.

I currently work in an office, but am looking to get into mental health work. Consider a complete career change. Office work can be isolating and friendship potential totally dependant on who you are lumped with. I work in an office with a woman 30 years my senior and to say we have nothing in common at all, would be fair. If you are sitting at your desk and not doing your work, that MAY well mean that others are having to pick up the slack for you, and that isn't going to win you any popularity contests either, cos you co workers, believe it or not, would rather be off ''enjoying their day'' as well.

I know my message to you comes across as harsh perhaps at the beginning, but sincerely, if you are feeling like this now, please make some changes, don't spend another ten years in a job you really hate.

Hope you get it sorted - perhaps make some plans for the new year

getmore4less

Agree with others build up a social life around the kid.

Look for weekend things that are free/cheap. have people round kids/adult time.

free up weekends by doing all the other stuff during the week, house work, shopping, food prep etc.

What do you currently do at weekends

Make sure the car is in tip top condition ready for the summer so you can use it as much as possible, look for meets to show it off, get active in the owners club.
Meets also good place to do the photo hobby

What's the OH interested in?

One issue might be(as suggested allready) 20 somethings with family have different social goals to the singles/couples.

Sambucus_Nigra

I work 45 miles from home but still have made some good solid friends at work. It seems every excuse not to do something and you take it.

One of the best bits of advice I remember from being a teenager is 'if you want a friend, be a friend'; friends come out of the woodwork where you least expect them but they don't just happen, it's your attitude as much as the other person's that seals a friendship. And it doesn't happen sat on your ar.se in front of the TV.

Hermia

ska_lover wrote: »

You say you are only 25, and then quote ''Ideally I would like a bunch of good, decent mates where I could go along and have a good time doing something like a good walk etc once in a while''.
Are you serious - a walk?? Most 25 year olds would NOT consider this to be a social activity, and whilst the fact that you enjoy this fab, but you are not going to meet many other people your own age who enjoy going for walks..for fun.

Actually, the Ramblers do have walking groups for young people. The one near me is for people in their 20s/early 30s and is hugely popular.

TeamLowe

when i used to moan about hating my job a friend used to quote Office Space to me 'you hate your job? there's a support group for that- it's called everybody. we meet at the local bar'

OP the list of hobbies you've tried all seem quite solo activities, apart from maybe walking but you're not going on organised walks just having a trot out yourself. try something that needs a few people to work, like a sport, or join a club to discuss the solo activities.
For example, have a look and see if there's a parkrun near you, they're 5ks in a park on a saturday morning which would give you a chance to get out and get fresh air, something to accomplish (getting a better time each week) and a chance to meet people

onlyroz

Hermia wrote: »

Actually, the Ramblers do have walking groups for young people. The one near me is for people in their 20s/early 30s and is hugely popular.

Was going to say the same. It is untrue that there are no 25 year olds interested in walking. There are also similar things you could do in a group like orienteering, or perhaps join something like the RSPB, or help out with something like the scouts.

getmore4less

factor29 wrote: »

Id like to wake up and enjoy my day instead of plodding along to work, waiting for finish time, only to come home and laze in front of the TV until bed time.

Just in case, don't drink at home,

Grabbing a beer to settle down will just perpetuate the problem.

Try to be creative with the evening time even if it is just doing house stuff initialy.

How old is the child.

How long is lunchtime at work, is there a regular friday pub or occasional lunch (we did curry). Some places an after work 1hr before going home is common, more so in cities.

What about a group event like a comedy night, theatre visit
20miles is not that far for a night/day out

factor29

wkdhoney wrote: »

Honestly you should join the reserves. I'm in the navy reserves and its given me a much fuller life. I've made tonnes of friends, met my husband and been away on tour. There is lots of opportunity to train and a good promotion system. Finally you get paid!

Sounds a good idea but the thought of going somewhere like Afghanistan would probably terrify me. Theres a reason those people (yourself included) are called brave - unfortunately I'm not one of those!

Hermia wrote: »

Actually, the Ramblers do have walking groups for young people. The one near me is for people in their 20s/early 30s and is hugely popular.

Yeah, unfortunately the only ones anywhere near me seem to be at least double my age

getmore4less wrote: »

How long is lunchtime at work, is there a regular friday pub or occasional lunch (we did curry). Some places an after work 1hr before going home is common, more so in cities.

What about a group event like a comedy night, theatre visit
20miles is not that far for a night/day out

Dinnertime is 30 minutes. There isnt really anything like that at work, plus I work alternating shifts so dont really have the options for that kind of thing.


Thanks to all for the replies. I've looked at volunteering but so far not seen anything that shouts out *ME*, except one which I'm pondering over.

A local Search & Rescue organisation/charity are looking for volunteers and that sounds like something possibly worthwhile. However, looking at there website they were only needed less than 7/8 times over the past year so I kind of wonder if I would actually be helping anybody, and as its a charity that has to pay to train etc is it worthwhile if they already have x number of people?

The 'hobby' of walking isn't a stroll through the park etc. Usually its climbing up hills and trekking over fields etc in the Peak District etc. The wetter the better etc

Running... I tried that, couldnt manage more than 10/15 minutes on the treadmill so realistically no more than 5 mins on real ground. Im asthmatic so bit of a show stopper on that one.

Sports... not sure what to try. I've never really being into football or anything like that. Could happily kick one about but watching etc isn't my thing.

My little one is 4, doesn't attend school yet so there aren't really many events etc at the moment.

I suppose my dream thing would be to move away from the UK, as someone suggested. Where - good question, I guess this would have to wait until I had paid all my debts etc off anyway so that's not going to be yet.

Thanks again for the replies, anymore advice greatly appreciated.

podperson

This may sound a little harsh, but I could have written a lot of your post a few years ago so I do know how you feel.
You sound like you are lacking in motivation at the moment. You're not happy with your job and your social life but what have you done about it? You've mentioned a few attempts that you gave up on almost straight away - but what real measures have you tried to take to improve things. We need to make the most of life - if you're not happy with yours then you need to sit down and think about what you would like to change and then how you can do that.

If you want to make some new friends then have a look for social groups in your area. If you like walking there are usually ramblers or walking groups - I go to one in my area sometimes and it tends to quite a good mix of ages and peoples. There are also 'Young Walkers' groups sometimes, which is a younger branch of the ramblers I think and tends to be people in their 20s and 30s. Or look for a photography club, they tend to be helpful and am sure would be happy to give you tips on your camera, or even try a basic course at your local college.

We can all give you lots of suggestions but it's up to you to find the motivation to go out and do them and stick with them! I find it helps me to try and visualise things - think about this time next year, or even say in 5 years, do you want to be in exactly the same position you're in now, fed up and feeling like you're not where you want to be, or do you want to have made positive changes to your life and be enjoying it more? Good luck with it x

krlyr

Don't rule out running altogether. At the start of the year I couldn't run up the stairs without being out of breath - I walk a lot with the dogs but not at an overly challenging pace, running was a whole different ball game. But I started the C25K running plan and it's surprising how quickly your fitness improves. I'm off it again at the moment due to the weather (I don't risk running on pavements because of knee issues and because I usually head out with one or both of the dogs so need the space that open fields/parks offer - but they're all very slippery and boggy at the moment) but I can still feel my fitness level sitting at a higher level then before I started.
Basically you follow a 9 week plan of alternating running and walking, to building up to a 5K run - roughly 20-30 minutes. It's challenging at stages, I won't deny it, but it's not unmanagable. You can download podcasts to listen to, I find the Robert Ullrey ones good (he's cheesy but it spurs you on), which tell you when to run and when to walk.
May be worth speaking to your GP first because of your asthma but might not be something to say no to completely. I was really getting into it and quite disappointed I had to stop, but I didn't want to hurt myself or the dogs by running when it was wet and dark.