Feeling a bit sorry for myself...

Mrs_Ryan

Hi everyone.

Its pretty rare that I feel sorry for myself on here but I feel like crying this morning!!!

I dont have half the problems of other people on here so feel a little selfish for even complaining but Im not feeling good today.

2012 has been absolutely lousy for me. As some of you may know, I am in remission from cancer and I had 2 operations earlier this year which I am more or less recovered from. However I am still under my oncologist and will be for the next 5 years. Just as I thought no more hospitals I had an accident in early November where I fell and damaged my right shoulder. After struggling with the pain for 5 weeks I went to see my GP who was very concerned that such a seemingly straightforward injury hadnt healed and I was still in so much pain with it.

He ordered a scan and some physio but he sent me a letter yesterday saying he was unhappy with the original X-Ray and he wanted it repeating. He also said he wanted blood tests doing and on all the referrals he mentioned my cancer which worried me slightly about why that would be relevant? I got the scan appointment this morning and for some reason that's made me a bit teary - I was told it would be done at the hospital where I work which would have been absolutely fine as its familiar surroundings but I have to go to another hospital which is strange to me.

I spent a large chunk of this last year in or at hospital and I was relieved that I didnt have to have any more scans/X-Rays/blood tests etc but now I'm very worried what they might find on this scan. The pain is driving me bonkers as well!! I'm still only on part weeks at work after going back early Oct but my job is heavy - I dont dare say anything to my boss as I'm about 90% sure she will use this as an excuse to get rid of me. She tried when I had cancer but HR and Occi Health rapped her knuckles - (Occi Health were furious with her)

I have a very supportive family and friends but sometimes its difficult to talk to them, I'm at work today as well which Im absolutely dreading. Sorry for the moan and thanks for listening xx

duchy

Moan away -It's often easier to let it out here than talking to friends and family who you want to protect.

Logically you kniow your doctor is simply over cautious because of your issues -and as for the appointment been at another hospital -Think of it as a plus ....odds are boss from hell or someone who might mention seeing you in x-ray would walk past as you were waiting to go in and it would set her off again !! This way you can keep her in ignorence and odds are she'll never need to know you needed one.

This is a funny time of year as we all have more time on our hands and start to reflect -and sometimes we can over-think (and the rubbish weather doesn't help either).

Offering a cyber hug if it'll help -and I hope the venting helped (I find it usually does)

aliasojo

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

Sorry for the moan and thanks for listening xx

Don't be daft! Go for it. I always do.

You've had a lot on your plate, you'd have to be superhuman to not have down times.

We can't help your pain unfortunately (or with your less than supportive boss!) but we're happy to listen and offer a shoulder.

I also have chocolate cake, I could taste it and describe it to you?

Just in the interests of solidarity you understand. :rotfl:

You'll get past this, just hang in there. x

Trazy

Cry, scream, let it all out :mad:

Sorry to hear you're feeling low today, you have had a lot to contend with

Fingers crossed for you that 2013 will be amazing :)

pavlovs_dog

hopefully the scan is the first step to getting your shoulder fixed and pain free. I wasn't aware that you'd been so poorly Hope shoulder is soon fixed so you can be back to the road to full health.

Anything nice planned for the new year?

motherofstudents

Aaw, your post brough tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you are feeling so low. You have been through more than anyone should have to. I do understand about all the tests, you just want to be left alone and to be well.

Did you speak to the GP about your worries ? All I can suggest is that you get through one day at a time and as above, the scan on your shoulder will be the start of putting it right. You will get through it but don't bottle everything up, even if it is on here where you let your feelings out. There are a lot of people ready to give you support. I hope that 2013 will be a much better year for you.

Mrs_Ryan

Thank you everyone I knew I would get good advice and support on here.

I hadnt thought of that Duchy - good point. And thank you for the hug

Aliasojo - mmm.... chocolate cake lucky u

Thank you Trazy.. I hope so too.

Pavlovs_dog - I dont have anything major planned as yet, only my awards ball in April to look forward to - 2 nights in a posh hotel which I am very much looking forward to

motherofstudents - thank you. I havent spoken to my GP, I think I will try and get an appt with the lovely lady GP partner who looked after me before and during my cancer diagnosis. The GP I saw about my shoulder was excellent and very efficient but he's not my usual GP so can only see my clinical history but my usual GP knew how I was feeling.

Thanks again everyone xxx

Savvy_Sue

OK, huge sympathy for a poorly shoulder.

And a tip: if it's hard to get comfy in bed, get yourself a pillow or cushion and cuddle that - if you're lying on your good side, put the pillow between your poorly arm and your body; if you're lying on your back, support your poorly arm on your tummy. If you want to adjust your position, move the pillow gently, and that will take the arm with it, without you having to actively move the shoulder.

ska_lover

You poor thing OP ((hugs))

belfastgirl23

Sometimes it is entirely reasonable to feel sorry for yourself. Don't beat yourself up about it, you have a lot on your plate and I can completely see how it sometimes might feel like a bit much.

All I will add though is that you probably felt daunted by going to the hospital to start with, but you got through that ok. You probably felt scared about the treatment and you got through it ok. Have faith in yourself to keep putting one step in front of the other.

And have a cry if it helps. In fact have a totally self indulgent day and come back here and give out a bit more if you want.

pollypenny

I have only just seen your thread, Mrs R.

You never moan and have been stoical through a lousy year. Sometimes it gets too much, eh?

As said, your GP is probably being over cautious and then worrying you. Hope things work out.

We've got the Six Nations to look forward to soon, though what's happened to the welsh team I do not know.
Pol xx