Do you always show your appreciation to those close to you?

aliasojo

I'm always very appreciative of those who are kind to me or help me in one way or another and always make sure they know how grateful I am.

BUT, I realised this morning that I don't always apply that to my OH. It's not that I take him for granted per se, it's more that I don't make the same effort to show appreciation to him as I do others. I don't know why, it's not a conscious thing, familiarity perhaps?

OH, after finishing a night shift at 4am just before Xmas, went to a 24 hour supermarket to buy me a big bunch of flowers 'just because'. He said he knows I don't get much for me so this was his way of acknowledging that and doing something nice.

Although I did say thank you for the flowers, I didn't really express the same level of appreciation towards him as I probably would have to someone else.

It's not fair really and I must make more of an effort. It's always nice to know you are appreciated and when OH comes in from work tonight I'll be telling him I'm sorry I didn't tell him how nice I thought he was. It'll likely embarrass the heck out of him, mind. :rotfl:

So, do you always make the effort? Are you ever guilty of not making a point of actually telling the people close to you that you appreciate their thoughts/actions?

If you don't, why not? Do you get embarrassed? Do you think it's soppy or just find it difficult to express gratitude? Do you just offer a quick 'thanks' and feel that's enough?

I'm bored today....talk to me. :rotfl:

Savvy_Sue

I think I try, I'm not sure DH sees it that way ...

The boys think I overdo it ...

Shouldn't be here, got to pack for the Final Festivities trip ...

elantan

I have to admit we try as much as possible to show our appreciation of each other, I dare say we do forget at times and take each other for granted ... But on the whole yes we do

We don't buy each other present for birthdays or Xmas etc as we tend to get what we want when we want it ... If its a special birthday ( Luke my 40th last summer) we will do something special ( west coast America for 3 weeks) but that's for both of us, I didn't receive a card or anything gift like

We always try our best to behave in a loving way towards each other ... If he cooks a stunning meal ) which he does very often) I will say how tasty it is ... Which bits I like, how the flavours blend etc ( something like I can taste the ginger and there just a wee hint of garlic it goes well etc ) he seems to enjoy that I do this rather than just " oh right ta "

If I do something for his mum he will acknowledge that I am doing the task and say he appreciates it as he knows I could be doing x,y or z

Maybe that's one of the things that makes us happy

Thanks for bringing it up I hadn't thought about it before as we just do it automatically

lolly_896

You've made me think now, and no i don't acknowledge the things he does like i do if somebody else had done them.

He doesn't do gifts, if i want something quite often he will re-imburse me.

But now after this thought provoking post try and appreciate all he does! x

Brighton_belle

Goodpost AJ. I do think making a conscious decision to show appreciation of the small everyday thoughtfulness is a very positive thing is a relationship.
I certainly try and do it myself and I can see it benefits ours. It certain has a vey positve impact on me when DH does the same. It creates extra intimacy/bonding/connectedness I think and encourages even more thoughtfulness when you know it is really valued.
That was really really lovely of your OH to offer to pick your son up, straight after a shift - shows how much he cares about you. In the midst of the difficult times you are having as a family, that gestures says a lot.

lushlifesaver

I don't think about it usually/whilst it's happening but yes I think we both do here.

I get him a little surprise every Monday (nothing huge just something like a little chocolate or his favourite sandwich, often both) and when I go in to town I will usually get him a 'just because' present. Then I do all the little extras for him like helping out at training etc.

He spoils me rotten. I got a stand mixer recently (greatly reduced but I had been planning to make it my savings goal for the year!) because he knew I wanted one and I've worked hard this year. He gets me all sorts really, even if I don't realise it! I don't drive but he takes me all sorts of places not just the standard work/supermarket/home, like at Christmas he took me round all the local (and some less local) garden centres to look at the wonderlands and stuff like that.

I send cards regularly to people for so many reasons; 'just because', thanks, occasions..and so on and so on but never really think I deserve much as what I do is done because I want to etc not because it needs doing and I want the recognition.

I say thank you to bf everyday and whilst he might not say the exact phrase he shows his thanks in so many other ways

marisco_2

aliasojo wrote: »

Those are just a couple of examples of him being caring towards me and although I did say thank you for the flowers, I didn't really express the same level of appreciation towards him as I probably would have to someone else.

Actions speak louder than words. There are most likely a million ways you show that you care for, value and love your husband. It is so natural to you that you aren't even aware half the time that you do it. Your husband wouldn't show you such affection, as in buying the flowers, or such thought as in be willing to drive to collect your son, if he didn't feel that.

Bare in mind the phrase ' You get back what you give'. The fact that he is so lovely to you is a reflection of how much he knows already what he means to you.

What a lovely example to set to your kids of how family life should be. Good on you both

Alikay

No, I probably don't show enough appreciation: I hope they just know how precious they are to me. Likewise, I don't really expect them to show appreciation of me either, although I'm very touched that they often do.:).

I guess taking people for granted is a comfortable sign of having a secure bond with a loving supportive family, and it's great to know we'll always be there for each other. However I'm well aware that sometimes people are more needy, and require thanks and recognition...just hope I notice it and act accordingly when it happens

aliasojo

marisco wrote: »

Actions speak louder than words. There are most likely a million ways you show that you care for, value and love your husband. It is so natural to you that you aren't even aware half the time that you do it. Your husband wouldn't show you such affection, as in buying the flowers, or such thought as in be willing to drive to collect your son, if he didn't feel that.

Bare in mind the phrase ' You get back what you give'. The fact that he is so lovely to you is a reflection of how much he knows already what he means to you.

What a lovely example to set to your kids of how family life should be. Good on you both

Thank you.

Alikay wrote: »

I guess taking people for granted is a comfortable sign of having a secure bond with a loving supportive family, and it's great to know we'll always be there for each other. However I'm well aware that sometimes people are more needy, and require thanks and recognition...just hope I notice it and act accordingly when it happens

I'm not sure I completely agree with you Alikay.

I do think taking for granted is a sign of having a secure bond, yes. But I don't agree with the 'more needy' bit. I think anyone would like to be told that they are appreciated and maybe we (but me especially ) should all make a point of doing so more often. Not many people require thanks or recognition but I think most of us appreciate it when we get it and it makes us feel good.

I now recognise that I need to get off my butt and tidy as aforementioned son is driving down today.

I'll do so as soon as I've finished my cuppa. :rotfl:

daisiegg

We do, and I think it is one of the strengths of our relationship.

We are very affectionate and effusive anyway, but we show our appreciation of each other in all sorts of ways. We say thank you for every single little thing one of us does - nothing gets taken for granted at all. We surprise each other with little treats. So yes, we do show our appreciation and we don't take anything for granted.

I have seen the other side - my parents. My dad works very hard and very long hours but all my mum does is moan about how long he works - she doesn't appreciate that he is doing it to support them, and that he doesn't like working 15 hour days any more than she likes him doing it. On the other hand, she does everything around the house (as well as also working full time, although shorter days than he does) and he doesn't thank her for what she does either. OH and I have a similar pattern in that he works much longer hours than me, and I do all the housework. The difference is, even though I might be fed up to be sat at home on my own when he is working late AGAIN, I appreciate it is worse for him being at work, and I make a point of spoiling him when he gets in and thanking him for working so hard to give us a nice life. Equally, he doesn't take for granted anything I do in the house and always thanks me, compliments my cooking etc. I often think it wouldn't take very much for my mum and dad to do the same, and it would make their day to day lives a bit more pleasant.

pavlovs_dog

sounds like hubby is earning lots of brownie points this week and it is nice to hear of you being spoilt