Tricky situation - don't know what to do!

bestpud

The mother won't talk to anyone because she doesn't want anyone to know. Nobody else in the family has been told and she has said to my daughter a few times that she has nobody to talk to about it. She's ashamed and believes being a lesbian will ruin her daughters life and cause the whole family to be shunned.

She doesn't believe she needs counselling.

Her husband died a few years back, hence the close relationship with her children and the general unhappiness.

I do feel for her in that respect but I wish she wasn't taking it out on others.

cavework

Hang on .. what was this Mother like when her daughter had boyfriends?
Was she behaving in the same way?
Whats this Mums daughters background here?
It's really easy to cast blame on her Mum but we really don't have a lot of background history to work with .

saddo1

cavework- is it ever acceptable to hold another human by the neck and insult them? not in my world

bestpud

cavework wrote: »

Girls of 18 do get involved in same sex relationships , it's part of growing up but often it is a short lived thing
Is she really honestly in love with your daughter or is she looking for a way out of the relationship she has with her Mum?
The shock value of this relationship
I would hate to see your daughter get hurt if this is the case.

Yes, we've considered that too. I brought it up tentatively with my daughter, only to find she'd thought of the possibility herself.

That's why my daughter won't move into a shared house with her and why I'd only have her here while she got on her feet.

If it lasts then great but it can't be forced.

Pee

I think any help and assistance you and your daughter can give her girlfriend to move out is good, but if you do too much i.e. rehome the daughter, you risk the mother getting more upset. It is up to her daughter to stand up to her and noone can do it for her. It's not surprising that she finds this very hard at 18 as there are plenty of people, myself included, who do not find this easy twenty years later!

I hope it all works out for everyone. She probably would be the same with a boyfriend. He'd be too old or the wrong job or the wrong family. It's a refusal to let her daughter grow up.

I think your daughter is really lucky to have you as a mum.

bestpud

cavework wrote: »

Hang on .. what was this Mother like when her daughter had boyfriends?
Was she behaving in the same way?
Whats this Mums daughters background here?
It's really easy to cast blame on her Mum but we really don't have a lot of background history to work with .

She has said she'd be fine if her daughter had boyfriends - she'd even allow them to have sex in her house and would be really pleased if her daughter was doing normal things like getting drunk and snogging guys in nightclubs...

cavework

This mother was widowed , did this affect her daughter?
What was she like with boyfriends her daughter has had in the past?
the girl is 18 so I would suppose she has had boyfriends?
as for grabbing your kid by the neck and insulting them .. I have done that in the past when no matter how hard I tried to get through to him that SKUNK was bad and I would not accept it anymore , he just would not listen.
We sorted it but it's called frustration

bestpud

saddo1 wrote: »

cavework- is it ever acceptable to hold another human by the neck and insult them? not in my world

Not in mine either!

My daughter was horrified - she still is over a month later!

bestpud

cavework wrote: »

This mother was widowed , did this affect her daughter?
What was she like with boyfriends her daughter has had in the past?
the girl is 18 so I would suppose she has had boyfriends?
as for grabbing your kid by the neck and insulting them .. I have done that in the past when no matter how hard I tried to get through to him that SKUNK was bad and I would not accept it anymore , he just would not listen.
We sorted it but it's called frustration

My daughter isn't bad though - neither of them are.

I don't think there has been any boyfriends.

Dunroamin

bestpud wrote: »

The mother won't talk to anyone because she doesn't want anyone to know. Nobody else in the family has been told and she has said to my daughter a few times that she has nobody to talk to about it. She's ashamed and believes being a lesbian will ruin her daughters life and cause the whole family to be shunned.

She doesn't believe she needs counselling.

Her husband died a few years back, hence the close relationship with her children and the general unhappiness.

I do feel for her in that respect but I wish she wasn't taking it out on others.

Could the daughter come out to her other family members and look to them to support her in this and to talk some sense into her mother?