Do you time when you give bad news?

andygb

If the news would "keep", then I would wait until after Christmas. I know that some people think that Chrsitmas is some kind of artificial barrier, but others do see it as an enjoyable/uplifting time, so there really is no need to put a dampener on things.

zzzLazyDaisy

Nicki wrote: »

So personally, no I wouldn't disclose just before Christmas but wouldn't necessarily judge anyone else who made a different decision.

This ^^^^

I have had a few occasions when I have been quite seriously ill, and not told my family until after surgery and I was coming out the other side. But it was for my own selfish reasons, quite simply I needed to be left alone to deal with what was going on. I really cannot cope with people visiting me in hospital and feeling that I have to be happy and smiling when I am feeling carp, just to reassure them. So I just don't tell them.

By the same token, someone else might really need to talk about what is going on for them, and may really need the support of their loved ones. Illness and the prospect of hospital doesn't have to be terminal to be scary.

nearlyrich

My OH found out on a Christmas Eve that he needed a major op we kept it to ourselves until just before he went in hospital in the February.

londonsurrey

It's not an illness per se, but it's still about being generally not well - after my little brother died, my mother was understandably devastated.

I tried to heal the rift between us, and was there for her, as the supportive daughter. This went on for about 5 months, until she started up her old nonsense again, lying, manipulating, etc.

As I severed contact with her, I remarked to my husband, "Well she's back(the old normal her). She'll be fine!". Apparently, the reappearance of her old manipulative self marked the fact that she had healed and was fighting fit again! Lol.

So ironically, if the officially ill relative of yours starts being civilised, pleasant and docile, it might be actually time to really start worrying!

meritaten

I think it rather depends on the 'news'. if it is a major illness but treatable - then yes keep it til after the holidays - my OH is waiting for biopsy results, which could well have arrived by now - but we had agreed to say nothing to the kids unless it was the 'all clear'. as it is, we dont know so can honestly say that!
I did once go to visit an aunt in hospital knowing that her nephew had drowned that morning. I felt so upset I was sure she would know something was up - but she didnt. The family had agreed that she not be told until after her operation - she would have been devastated as she was a major part of his upbringing. The nursing staff agreed too this was not something she should hear the day before.
I think a lot depends on the circumstances and I can understand gingin feeling the way she does.

Violetta_2

I can totally sympathise with you gingin, my mil has cancer scares 6 or so times a year & if she could she would let us know she was going for tests just before something important eg she once called us at the airport just as we were off on holiday to let us know she was going for test's,had known for a month or so but didn't tell us before as she didn't want to worry us, oh & enjoy your first holiday abroad together. Luckily she has always been fine but it's almost as if she is wishing for cancer.
Don't let it spoil your Christmas gingin & I hope your oh is ok.

gingin_2

Sorry to bump this up now but just to say thanks for the very honest stories. I felt the need to go and bury my head in the sand over christmas but it was and is still a relief to know that there were others who felt the same way, it definitely helped me to get my head straight-ish over the new year.

meritaten

thanks for the update gingin. I hope you and your family had a happy holiday anyway!

and for those who missed my post in the 'Arms' - biopsy results came through and they were 'clear'!

gingin_2

meritaten wrote: »

thanks for the update gingin. I hope you and your family had a happy holiday anyway!

and for those who missed my post in the 'Arms' - biopsy results came through and they were 'clear'!

You too Meri, that's very sweet to say.

And woohooo :beer: for the biopsy results, may 2013 continue to be a positive year for you.

Maureen43

Actually I think the timing of breaking bad news is crucial (among other things) to how the person being told deals with it.

I haven't had to break news of an illness. However I have told my children that their dad and I were splitting up.

I chose a time when we would have a few days at home without disturbances so I could answer questions and deal with any upset.