Do you time when you give bad news?

gingin_2

Person_one wrote: »

So you think they should have kept it to themselves until after Christmas?

Hmm, are you bothered by it because you're upset at the news or because you think they're using it for attention or something?

As it is Christmas, why not go with the most charitable interpretation of their actions?

I think they should but past behaviour is testament to why we were told now.

I'm bothered because I am very protective of the person who will bear the brunt of this (my husband).

There will be no repercussions, life will go on, nothing will change, there will be no fall outs over it, we will support them fully.

I am just surprised by myself, which is to be annoyed when I faced the bad news (but with concern for them too) and am wondering why I feel so strongly when it feels like a very selfish reaction on my behalf.

londonsurrey

If they're manipulative, selfish and attention grabbing, then why on earth would they pass up such a great opportunity to behave in such a manner at one of the few times when they have a free pass not to withhold the news?

People tend not to behave better when they're unwell.

Person_one

We all want to protect the people we love from things that will upset them, but this person didn't get ill deliberately to cause your husband suffering.

j.e.j.

It sounds like the person is genuinely ill, but the suspicion is that they may have timed the announcement of a major health issue in order to manipulate and guilt-trip people, and to benefit the most from it.

Errata

gingin wrote: »

I hope this makes sense. It will probably sound a bit cryptic. I am looking for opinions either way so I can rationalise something.

If you have bad news (illness, not terminal, not being treated until the new year) do you feel a duty to tell family straight away, or do you leave it until a time that's not just before christmas and is likely to put a dampner on it.

I wouldn't do it, and I didn't. It would have been a futile act on my part as there was nothing they or I could do about it.

no-oneknowsme

Well , my Mums ill (very ill infact) and we seem to have had quite a lot of bad news regarding her illness lately.

If I found out that my Father wasnt telling me something regarding her illness and had decided to keep it to himself until after xmas or new year then I would have been very annoyed with him!

For me personally I would like the news given to me when it was first discovered.....

This is just my own opinion though and from the posts above it is clear that everyone has different views.

arbrighton

no-oneknowsme wrote: »

If I found out that my Father wasnt telling me something regarding her illness and had decided to keep it to himself until after xmas or new year then I would have been very annoyed with him!

For me personally I would like the news given to me when it was first discovered.....

This is just my own opinion though and from the posts above it is clear that everyone has different views.

No, I would agree with this too. There have been two occasions where my mum has been ill/ in hospital and my father hasn't told me, and one where my grandfather had a fall, requiring an ambulance call out, and he didn't tell me about that either. I only found out my mum had been in hospital, concussed, the next day when i rang for another reason and he happened to pick up and mention it.

I have been very upset not to be informed each time, even if he was 'trying not to worry me', but I would much much rather know, even if there isn't anything I can do about it.

Bennifred

I was told I had MS (primary progressive) on the 23rd December three years ago - over the phone! I told OH when he came in from work, but we didn't tell anyone else in the family, or friends, until after Christmas and New Year.

I didn't see the point of spoiling their celebrations - there wasn't anything to be done that would make any difference and (selfishly?) I didn't want to be surrounded by sad faces, or people feeling guilty if they weren't sad, lol! Strangely, there were quite a few people who took the news a lot worse than I did.....:o

mountainofdebt

Tbh unless I knew the prognosis, what treatment was going to be given ect I wouldn't mention it to anyone ........I can handle bad news but I can't handle the unknown stangely enough

Nicki

About 5 years ago I was told that some blood tests had raised a possibility of ovarian cancer (I was having other symptoms too) and I saw an oncologist on Christmas Eve and was booked in for exploratory surgery in the first week of January. We told no one before Christmas and not until after I had the surgery when we were able to give the good news that it was a false alarm but had to explain why I was convalescing for a few weeks.

So personally, no I wouldn't disclose just before Christmas but wouldn't necessarily judge anyone else who made a different decision.