Do you time when you give bad news?

gingin_2

I hope this makes sense. It will probably sound a bit cryptic. I am looking for opinions either way so I can rationalise something.

If you have bad news (illness, not terminal, not being treated until the new year) do you feel a duty to tell family straight away, or do you leave it until a time that's not just before christmas and is likely to put a dampner on it.

Artytarty

If its upsetting but ultimately treatable I would y not to tell until after Christmas. But only if I could carry on and behave normally, not acting odd. So , do I time? Yes unless it's so devastating I can't keep it to myself. Sorry you have to post asking this.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I personally would want to leave it for a bit.

But if you need to tell them because you need their support, then go ahead - proper family will support you whatever day or time you tell them.


If you don't think they will support you, then you could choose to tell us first.

altojack

Hi gingin

If it were me and it wasn't serious I would wait until after Christmas and New Year. There never is a good time to pass on bad news, but good luck with whatever you do and whatever it is x

Goldiegirl

I think Christmas is an artificial barrier.

At this time of year everything is either before Christmas or after Christmas.

If you had news for the family at any other time I'm sure you'd just tell them - not wait until after Easter, or after the weekend or whatever.

Personally I'd just tell them - I'd feel better for not bottling things up and I think people like to know things, and not be left in the dark

marisco_2

Personally I would keep it to myself till after Xmas. My family, like most, are the type who would worry themselves silly. Them all knowing over Xmas would not change my condition, or the outcome of any treatment I had.

It is difficult to answer without knowing what the illness is. Will it be obvious to your family that you are not well? Are they likely to ask you what is wrong? It is a very personal choice. I wish you well very quickly.

gingin_2

Thanks everyone. I'm not the ill one, nor my immediate family. Just so you don't go thinking I'm sick Sorry if that was misleading in my OP.

We are the ones who have been given the news by someone who has a past history of manipulative and selfish behaviour but is undeniably ill.

londonsurrey

Unless there is something hinging on it, like other people launching a business dependent on the secretly ill person, then it's the ill person's perogative to decide when to tell.

However, with this right comes the responsibility to take the repercussions, i.e. they can't then play passive aggressive and moan that they weren't given support before they told everyone!

Person_one

gingin wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I'm not the ill one, nor my immediate family. Just so you don't go thinking I'm sick Sorry if that was misleading in my OP.

We are the ones who have been given the news by someone who has a past history of manipulative and selfish behaviour but is undeniably ill.

So you think they should have kept it to themselves until after Christmas?

Hmm, are you bothered by it because you're upset at the news or because you think they're using it for attention or something?

As it is Christmas, why not go with the most charitable interpretation of their actions?

bluenoseam

Depends on severity & likelihood of "disruption" - if it's something you can "hide" or it's not likely to be disruptive I'd say I'd hide it over Christmas, but if it's going to have visible consequences I'd tell them. Had to deal with that 3 years ago as I was diagnosed with a "minor" version of something which sounds a hell of a lot scarier, which in turn meant I was in and out of consultations & suchlike prior to Christmas AAAAND required teeth being pulled on 30th Dec!

You also have to weigh up the options of how much it's going to upset people if you don't tell them straight away!

rising_from_the_ashes

Personally I'd hang on until after the NY - if it's not terminal & treatment isn't happening until then, nothing's really going to change before then so why ruin everyone's holiday.

BUT I guess it would depend on whether there were any outward signs .... I've been ill recently and, quite frankly, anyone who saw me would instantly know something was wrong .... and I wouldn't lie if asked outright.