Think you have married the wrong person?

Carl31

I married my wife around 2 months ago. Since then she has changed, she's relaxed, her attitude has changed dramatically. There has always been minor difficulties, but I always assumed a sense of security would remove them. I'm now thinking I Have made the wrong decision.I Have been out tonight and have felt like me for the first time in ages. I'm worried I have made a mistake, but can't see how as there was no worries previously? its been on my mind for a few weeks now.

podperson

In what way has she changed? When you say she's 'relaxed' do you mean she's not making any effort in the relationship anymore? Does she seem down or fed up - I think sometimes brides in particular can feel a bit of a slump or anti-climax after their wedding - all the months/years of planning and build up are all over and it can feel a bit flat. Have you tried talking to her about what you feel the problem is?

shegirl

It what way has her attitude changed? What other changes are there?

Is there any chance you had expectations of everything being so different after marriage and are, therefore, just realising it isn't?

Gloomendoom

Carl31 wrote: »

I married my wife around 2 months ago. Since then she has changed, she's relaxed, her attitude has changed dramatically. There has always been minor difficulties, but I always assumed a sense of security would remove them. I'm now thinking I Have made the wrong decision.I Have been out tonight and have felt like me for the first time in ages. I'm worried I have made a mistake, but can't see how as there was no worries previously? its been on my mind for a few weeks now.

Are you sure that it is not you that has changed?

jizzler

Carl31 wrote: »

I married my wife around 2 months ago. Since then she has changed, she's relaxed, her attitude has changed dramatically. There has always been minor difficulties, but I always assumed a sense of security would remove them. I'm now thinking I Have made the wrong decision.I Have been out tonight and have felt like me for the first time in ages. I'm worried I have made a mistake, but can't see how as there was no worries previously? its been on my mind for a few weeks now.

How long did you court her for 2 wks ?????

This sounds like it was an arranged marrige or some kind of shotgun wedding.

Mrs.W_2

Carl31 wrote: »

I married my wife around 2 months ago. Since then she has changed, she's relaxed, her attitude has changed dramatically. There has always been minor difficulties, but I always assumed a sense of security would remove them. I'm now thinking I Have made the wrong decision.I Have been out tonight and have felt like me for the first time in ages. I'm worried I have made a mistake, but can't see how as there was no worries previously? its been on my mind for a few weeks now.

You say you married two months ago, but how long did you court each other? How long were you a couple before marriage?

It sounds as if you've both might have been foggy with each other in your courtship.

Now grow up and talk to each other.

Carl31

We have been together 7 years next year. She's gone from being really quite a bubbly person to always being in a kind of cynical mood, its like now we are married she doesn't have to pretend to be someone she's not? that's what it feels like anyway. Its not all the time but its definitely a lot more regularly than it was.

I had been out drinking last night, which I think exaggerated the issue in my mind. I haven't mentioned it yet, as I wanted to make sure it wasn't me that was the issue or any other factors, but I really don't think it is

74jax

Carl31 wrote: »

We have been together 7 years next year. She's gone from being really quite a bubbly person to always being in a kind of cynical mood, its like now we are married she doesn't have to pretend to be someone she's not? that's what it feels like anyway. Its not all the time but its definitely a lot more regularly than it was.

I had been out drinking last night, which I think exaggerated the issue in my mind. I haven't mentioned it yet, as I wanted to make sure it wasn't me that was the issue or any other factors, but I really don't think it is

So if it IS you, you don't want to sort it and talk, but if its her then you do??

I can't understand, how after 7 years, you can't ask what's wrong?

System

If you were together 7 years before you got married. Dont you think that was a bit long for her to keep up some sort of pretence?

You could keep someone dangling on a string for weeks, maybe months but years?

You need to talk to her.

aliasojo

Talk to her.

Until you do, you will have no clue whether these feelings have basis or not.

I think it's ridiculous you automatically making the leap in your head from 'got a few problems' to wondering 'maybe I married the wrong person'.

Communicate with her, don't ruminate yourself.

mysk_girl

My OH and I were together for 11 years before we got married, and we had 2 children. The 12 months after we got married were definitely the most work we've had to do in our relationship. Possibly psychological, but I wouldn't give up yet. But you do need to talk, a lot, and about everything. Good luck.