Think you have married the wrong person?

krlyr

Personally, I'm not interested in marriage, but any longterm relationship is a commitment. For richer, for poorer, not until they suddenly seem a bit down.
Rather than asking "Was she pretending, have I been tricked into marrying a duff wife?", you should be asking yourself, and her, what is wrong. Humans are just that, human. We have ups and downs, swings and roundabouts, moods vary.
Like has already been mentioned, often the aftermath of all that wedding preparation can take a lot out of a person. Their entire life can become revolved around it - was she very involved in wedding plans? Suddenly, every bouquet of flowers that used to be potential inspiration for her wedding bouquet is now just a bunch of flowers. Every dress in a shop window was a potential bridesmaid dress, and it's now just pieces of fabric.
People get post-holiday blues, post-weekend blue, post-party blues, so post wedding-day blues are probably quite high up there on the scale of 'come downs' after such a big, well-planned for event. Worry about why she's not bubbly, rather than about whether you've been tricked. As everyone has said, 7 years is an awful long time to put up a pretence! Especially if you'd lived together for any length of time in those 7 years (I think that's often when the 'front' can drop, when you're living together and really finding out the good, the bad and the ugly living habits!)

Person_one

7 years of being happy together pre-marriage, 2 months of her not being quite herself after the wedding, and you think its the two months rather than the 7 years that are the 'real her'?

Don't be ridiculous, the chances of you being such an amazingly good catch that someone would plot and act for 7 whole years in order to trap you are pretty slim.

Do you actually care about her? Her as a person rather than just her role in your life? If you do, then do what everybody else has suggested and talk to her, ask her if she's ok, if there's anything bothering her.

I find it very strange that you consider 'relaxed' to be a bad thing, would you rather she be tense?

go_cat

Maybe you have changed after getting married

Maybe her expectation of marriage has not materialised

Maybe you are giving off vibes that you feel trapped

Who knows.. However you clearly need to talk to her she may be thinking the same as you.

FBaby

Come on, it is two months out of 7 years, could it just be that for whatever reason she is going through difficult times rather than her transforming in horrible wifey now that she tied the knot with you???

Why being so dramatic when things have only been concerning (in your eyes) for two months (not even the whole time to your own account)? Can't you see that relationships go through ups and downs just like individuals do within the marriage and that what you thoughts should be focussed on is how to understand and try to help her rather than feeling sorry for yourself and thinking that you made a mistake marrying your long term partner.

poet123

I also find it odd that you use the term "relaxed" with a negative connotation.

aliasojo

go_cat wrote: »

Maybe you have changed after getting married

Maybe you are giving off vibes that you feel trapped

Psychological kneejerk reaction to getting wed on the OP's part perhaps?

OP did you want to get married?

flea72

poet123 wrote: »

I also find it odd that you use the term "relaxed" with a negative connotation.

Stopped shaving legs and started farting

Hermia

go_cat wrote: »

Maybe you have changed after getting married.

That's that I was thinking. OP - can you really put your hand on your heart and say you haven't changed either. I've known blokes stop doing their share of the housework or stop keeping in shape when they have got married and yet I don't think they did it consciously.

OP - it may be that you just worded your post badly, but you don't come across as caring about your wife as a person rather you are just worried about her living up to your ideal. Being down for a couple of months in a 7 year period sounds very normal. Everyone goes through ups and downs. Perhaps your wife went through downs before, but felt she had to put on a mask. Now you are married maybe she feels comfortable enough to let you know how she feels. Have you actually asked her what the matter is and whether you can help?

VestanPance

I really don't see anyone pretending to be someone they aren't for seven years and changing the second a wedding ring slips on their finger. People dont change due to getting married, only those expecting something to change due to marriage end up getting a surprise.

As her husband you should be talking to her and asking why she isn't her normal bubbly self. That's what you signed up to. Is it some post wedding blues? Where she spent so much time planning the big day she feels there is a void to be filled? Have you been ignoring her? Maybe it's time to get out and enjoy some time with your wife, rather than getting stuck in the daily grind. Is she having issues at work?

Are you sure you're night out didn't just remind you that as a married man the getting drunk and chatting up the ladies is now in the past and you are having regrets about that?

undetterred

You need to get out and have some fun,you know that old saying about poking the same fireplace.