Surnames

nfollows1982

The child is still legally registered on the school database with the surname that is on the birth certificate, but you are given the option for them to be know as whatever surname you chose when it comes to things like the register etc.

The child can easily be traced through the legal surname on the BC.

Seanymph

I deliberately kept my girls names as their fathers - different from my (three since then!) name...

Because it links them to their father, to their fathers family - and it helps them have that identity, they don't need mine reinforced, they live with me - they are lucky if they see him once every 18 months.

Sometimes as a parent giving in to what your child wants isn't what is best for them.

msb5262

nfollows1982 wrote: »

The child is still legally registered on the school database with the surname that is on the birth certificate, but you are given the option for them to be know as whatever surname you chose when it comes to things like the register etc.

The child can easily be traced through the legal surname on the BC.

This is definitely true. At my school the database has "legal surname" and "preferred surname" and children who don't use their legal surname at school can take home certificates etc with their preferred surname, although they are still in the system with their legal name.

OP, for what it's worth, I think 4 is rather too young to be making decisions of this nature. In your ex's position, I would be very unhappy indeed.

MsB

lazer

I don't thin you can simply use a preferred surname at school, assuming the father has parental responsibility he can insist that the legal name is used.

quinechinoise

pollyanna24 wrote: »

My oldest daughter is only 4, but she seems pretty adamant that she doesn't want her father's (my ex's) surname. She knows what her name is and that it is the same as daddy's, but she always says that she wants the same name as me.

I wouldn't worry about it at this stage. When my daughter was 4, she was very adamant that she ought to be called different first/middle names! (She has since become resigned to my "terrible" choice of names.) If she is still unhappy at... say 8 or 10, then maybe you'll need to chat to her father about it. If he's upset at that stage, whether she changes her surname or not... point out that she's going to grow up to get married and ditch her surname anyway!

Fosterdog

pollyanna24 wrote: »

The only reason why I would want to change their surnames is if my ex married his new gf. I wouldn't be too happy with this other woman having the same surname as my children, but me a diff one.

Out of interest what would you do if you changed her name to your surname and then went on to marry and have a different name? Surely it's better to just leave her with her given name until she is old enough to legally change it if it's still what she wants.

My cousins ex wife wanted to change his daughters name to her new husband's, my cousin objected and it went to court where he won. She went on to use new husbands name as her known as name and her legal name was still my cousin's. She then divorced husband number two and reverted to her maiden name, this left a 13 year old who had it drummed into her that her surname was one thing when legally it was something else and her mother still ended up with a different name.

She is now 20 and likes having her fathers surname, she is getting married next year and will be going double barrelled to keep it. Now she is older she realises it's part of her identity, it was the name both her parents chose for her when she was born and is glad it was never legally changed to her step dads or her mums.

Rockporkchop

Are your names something you can double barrel?

fly_dragon_fly

When i had my son my ex wasn't involved in the birth or the pregnancy ( i was only 16 and it was a bit to much for him to handle being only 18 himself) so alongside my midwife advising i didn't put my ex on the birth certificate she also advised i didn't give my son my exs surname as he didn't deserve it ( she'd know me all through the pregnancy and was a teen pregnancy midwife) so he never did. But then i meet my husband who took the role of his dad on and then we got married and double barrelled my name and so my sons aswell but at school he is often just the first name of the two.

Basically could you not double barrel it for school etc and then she can use which one she wants?

hazybubbles

lazer wrote: »

I don't thin you can simply use a preferred surname at school, assuming the father has parental responsibility he can insist that the legal name is used.

This is not correct. A parent can request that the child is 'known as' whatever surname you like, although the register will still have their legal surname on it. On the front of their books, rewards in school, and in class they will use their known as name. For official exams they will be entered under their legal surname and the certificates will have that on it.

There are a few children at my school known as different things for different reasons and some of them get very upset if you use their legal surname instead. It can be the same sort of situation as the OP or some are known as mums new husband's surname. There are a couple of examples where they are known as other surnames because their legal name is either rude sounding or something else likely to get them picked on.

Errata

If this is something she's come up with out of the blue, perhaps a first step would be to gently and very slowly get to the bottom of why she wants to change her name.