22 year old son stealing from me

Loretta

poe.tuesday wrote: »

it's a good thing that he doesn't drink so much and that he sees how foolish people are - this to me is a good sign and one that says to me that his personality is not an adicitve one - mpst people whoo like to get out of it will take anything to give them this buzz

Please see your pm's

I do watch everything very carefully and until very recently we do chat a lot and I felt that he did try out ideas with me and discuss his friends etc but this has just really in the past couple of weeks. I have never felt that he would have a drink problem because he does not seem to have that sort of personality which is why I do not think that it is as simple as just taking drugs.

I am sure it is not gambling because we really know nothing about it and he has never mentioned anything about it either about him or his friends.

Loretta

Errata wrote: »

Although the OP is not concerned by the cannabis smoking, which is a drug, I wonder if the son is not only smoking but also dealing? Please don't take this the wrong way, it does happen.

I am concerned that he is taking any drugs but to go on about cannabis I am not going to win, I will not take what you said the wrong way and I do appreciate you taking the time to offer me your help and support. The main worry about the cannabis is who he is mixing with and where he is getting it from and the type of people who are involved. I do know what you mean about dealing and I have thought of this and it is exactly what I am worried about.

Drug dealing sounds so serious but I think that it could be quite easy to start doing it, you could be collecting it for your friends for the weekend to save them the trouble, then maybe getting yours for free or cheaper for running the errand and so on, he is not the most wordly wise boy, may have thought he was being clever and and is now out of his depth, perhaps his friends have not given him the money and he is being chased for it by the worst people it may not occur to someone in this situation that they are actually dealing drugs.

Loretta

Clive_Woody wrote: »

Just a thought, but if you are feeling bold you could call the number this text was sent from and ask them clamy why they want the money....or perhaps send a txt back asking what the money is for.

I saw I had a text message on my phone and read it and handed it to him and hoped that he would say something after he read it but he didn't, he gave the phone straight back to me but he had deleted the message so I do not have the number. It all happened in a few seconds. I noticed the last 3 numbers and I have seen this number before, it is one that phoned regularly at home and I am watching out for it now and I will phone it when I have the full number. It is only recently and very unusual for him to bother to delete messages.

Loretta

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Oh dear what a horrible situation

Just to say these days it could be the weed that's the problem. Some types are much stronger and more addictive than you would have got in the 60s and can have negative impacts on mental health. Also some people are less well able to cope with this than others for whatever reasons.

Hopefully this is just a stage. If he says he isn't ready to talk yet at least he's not denying there's a problem which is the first step in finding a solution. If you trust the friend he's with then that's another step too. Bear with him for a little while I'd say. although if either of his siblings might be able to spend time wiht him that would be good too. It could just be the telling you that's the problem (it's horrible upsetting your mum) and if they offered to be a mediator it might help him to get it off his chest?

Good luck with it....

If he was just smoking weed I would have thought that it was just a faze and after a while I am sure he would have thought 'done that move on' but there is something else about it all that is the problem

Loretta

poe.tuesday wrote: »

why was your phone being text? has he given out your number or it is someone you know maybe?

He has my phone quite often in the evenings because I have however many free minutes a month and I don't use them all so it costs me nothing and as I have said previously recently he never has any money, none at all not even £5 to put on his own phone which really doesn't make sense as with all the kids this age life does not exist without their phones

Loretta

webitha wrote: »

it might not be drugs it could be gambling i could be anything which, until he speaks up, you wont know for sure

but i agree it would be better trying to get it out of him sooner rather than later

my first thought was drugs but like i said it could be anything sorry

Yes I agree I need to get this sorted very quickly

poe.tuesday

Loretta wrote: »

He has my phone quite often in the evenings because I have however many free minutes a month and I don't use them all so it costs me nothing and as I have said previously recently he never has any money, none at all not even £5 to put on his own phone which really doesn't make sense as with all the kids this age life does not exist without their phones

hum....I don't think he would be that stupid to give your number out the dealers, I also know that any dealer with any sence certainly will not text anything that may incriminate them (unless they are stupid of course) and not many dealers will give you stuff on tick, you know, we may all well be jumping to conclusions and he may well just be crap with money and got himself into money problems and borrowed money, which has now spiralled out of control

I think you may need to speak to one of his mates to see if they have any insight as to what is going on

Savvy_Sue

Hi, I do feel for you, but I have only had time to skim this. There is a sticky on Drugs in the Family at the top of this board which you may find useful - you need help and support for yourself, some of which you are getting here, but you might find Fam-Anon useful as well, link should be in the sticky.

Edited to say: Link for Fam-Anon

liney

Where is he of an evening? I would make a point of waiting up for him to see what kind of state he is in when he gets home.

My gut feeeling is that it is a gambling problem though to be honest. I expect you to find that the mystery number is a friend who i sick of being fobbed off when asking for money he has lent him back.

I would assume if he was taking drugs on a more than 'recreational' level, then you would see a physical change in him as well as attitude. Not that i'm an expert, but i have known people who have stumbled into drug abuse.

Does he have a PC? Can you look at the history and see of he has visited any gambling sites?

Clive_Woody

Loretta wrote: »

I saw I had a text message on my phone and read it and handed it to him and hoped that he would say something after he read it but he didn't, he gave the phone straight back to me but he had deleted the message so I do not have the number. It all happened in a few seconds. I noticed the last 3 numbers and I have seen this number before, it is one that phoned regularly at home and I am watching out for it now and I will phone it when I have the full number. It is only recently and very unusual for him to bother to delete messages.

Just a thought but he may not have deleted all records of this number. If you check the 'sent messages' box for text message you may be able to see any messages he has sent to this number using your phone, alternatively have a look at the call-log for dialed calls as you know the last three digits of the telephone number and may find it there.

Have to agree that it is unlikely a drug dealer would send a threatening text, and also unlikely to give credit to a customer.