22 year old son stealing from me

poe.tuesday

it's a good thing that he doesn't drink so much and that he sees how foolish people are - this to me is a good sign and one that says to me that his personality is not an adicitve one - mpst people whoo like to get out of it will take anything to give them this buzz

Please see your pm's

Errata

Although the OP is not concerned by the cannabis smoking, which is a drug, I wonder if the son is not only smoking but also dealing? Please don't take this the wrong way, it does happen.

Clive_Woody

Loretta wrote: »

I heard my phone beep and looked at the text message, it was for him and sounded quite threatening, saying 50 was not enough and he had to pay a lot more this evening

Just a thought, but if you are feeling bold you could call the number this text was sent from and ask them clamy why they want the money....or perhaps send a txt back asking what the money is for.

belfastgirl23

Oh dear what a horrible situation

Just to say these days it could be the weed that's the problem. Some types are much stronger and more addictive than you would have got in the 60s and can have negative impacts on mental health. Also some people are less well able to cope with this than others for whatever reasons.

Hopefully this is just a stage. If he says he isn't ready to talk yet at least he's not denying there's a problem which is the first step in finding a solution. If you trust the friend he's with then that's another step too. Bear with him for a little while I'd say. although if either of his siblings might be able to spend time wiht him that would be good too. It could just be the telling you that's the problem (it's horrible upsetting your mum) and if they offered to be a mediator it might help him to get it off his chest?

Good luck with it....

poe.tuesday

Clive_Woody wrote: »

Just a thought, but if you are feeling bold you could call the number this text was sent from and ask them clamy why they want the money....or perhaps send a txt back asking what the money is for.

why was your phone being text? has he given out your number or it is someone you know maybe?

cobbingstones

Hi Loretta - I've pmed you

MM

webitha

it might not be drugs it could be gambling i could be anything which, until he speaks up, you wont know for sure

but i agree it would be better trying to get it out of him sooner rather than later

my first thought was drugs but like i said it could be anything sorry

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi Loretta, how are you doing today?

Loretta

potogold wrote: »

Hi Loretta.

I have been reading through your thread, and really feel for you. I can't say i know what you are going through, as my 3 are only little (i have got all this to come:o )
But my initial gut reaction is that although it may well be drugs, I think you have hit the nail on the head here..


he is definately being bullied by someone, and he seems scared to death by it.

I think he will tell you in his own time, he is going to have to now you have found out about the cash going missing.
Deep down although your reaction probably won't be what he his hoping for he probably also knows that you will do whatever you can to help him through it.

I would leave him be for the moment, as on top of whatever he is going through, the reality for him as well, is that he is going to let his parents down.
And that, at 22 can be really hard to deal with.

Hugs to you, and keep us posted, we are always around if you need us.

pot
x

I a more concerned at the moment that he is in danger than smokng the weed, it is was just weed he would not be so scared and there would be no reason for him to be so desperate for money, I have found out that weed does not cost that much and for a youngster who is working and does not really have any expenses he could afford it easily.

Although I told him he had to leave, I only went to sleep last night after 3.0am and when I woke at 6.00am he was in bed so he came home at some point. I made im get up and go out and told him he could not be in the house when I was not there. I spoke to him this afternoon and he is coming home tonight, he was quite subdued. I don't think he has arranged to stay with the friend and I think he is probably too ashamed to tell him what is happening. Perhaps I am getting there I don't know

I do agree that he probably does feel that he is letting us down.

Loretta

snowmaid wrote: »

To look at it from another perspective, while I agree that at times its best to give space, in this instance I wonder if it wouldn't be better to try and gently draw him out?

He is scared about something, without trying to alarm, how does one know if his life isn't being threatened? If it is, he needs help now. Perhaps phone a professional organisation such as frank or some other family organisation for help and advice. Depending on the situation, IF his life is being threatened etc, it may be necessary for the authorities to be involved etc.

I would rather try and draw him out now, than be sorry further down the line.

However, only you know your son or how far you can push him to confide in you.

This is what I have been thinking, I am trying to stay calm and not panic and give him time because that sounds sensible but at the back of my mind I am also thinking he may be in danger and I would hate it to be 'if only I had followed my instincts and done something sooner'

Several people have suggested 'talktofrank' which I will do, I have the number now, by authorities do you mean the police? would the police talk to me? Other people ahve said 'professional help, who would that be?

I feel he will tell me or his brother or sister in the end but now I know why doesn't he tell me so we can start sorting it out?