How am I going to do this today?

fly_dragon_fly

My border collie of 16 years will more than likely be put to sleep today and I don't know how I am gonna hold it together.

She is not eating now and anything she is able to eat she is just throwing up and her health has been going down hill for a while now but like loved ones you never think you'll actually lose them, just thinking about picking my brother up from school and knowing i will be taking her to the vets afterwards has me in tears, it doesn't help that i'm 7 months pregnant but she has been my world for the last 16 years, i choose her, named her, trained her and we have just been there for each other she is just so loyal and i don't know how i am going to hold it together when the time comes, i owe it to her but i can only compare the pain i am feeling to the same feeling i had when i lost my grandad 8 years ago and my husband never having a dog doesn't seem to understand is just tells me to grow up and accept it as it's life. easier to say.

I know there isn't much that can be said or done but i just needed to come on here and let it out, my mum is stronger than me she has dealt with death many times in her life but i haven't.

Slinky

I'm so sorry to hear about your poor dog. I felt the same earlier this year about my poor cat I'd had for 17.5 years. For the past 12 I shared him with my husband, who was also devastated by his passing. Making the appointment at the vets was the worst thing I've ever had to do, worse than watching my father die which I had no control over.

Hard though it is, please be there with your dog rather than leaving it to the vets, we all owe our furry friends that duty if the choice has to be made.

Thinking of you.

4Chickens

Put simply, you don't need to 'hold it together'.
You are about to perform the last act of kindness that a human being can do for an animal. And it takes a huge amount of love and courage to do this.
The vet and nurse will be very supportive and it will be done with compassion and care. They will sit with you afterwards for a while whilst you gather yourself together.

I talk from experience x 3. If you want to come back and talk later then feel free to let it out.

Sending big hugs

krlyr

When Is It Time?

by Kit McCallum

When is it time to say goodbye,
To all the love I've known,
When is it time to end your pain,
And leave me all alone?

I've watched you on your good days when
I feel your strength renewed;
But shortly after little ups,
The down days then ensue.

We ride this roller-coaster of
Emotions as we try,
To make it through another day,
And yet, I can't deny ...

That as I look into your face
On days that have been bad,
I see a look that beckons me
It's tired, and hurt, and sad.

The little spark I used to see
Behind those loving eyes,
Is growing ever clouded
By life's cruel inhumane side.

I try to see beyond the pain
You feel with every step;
And softly whisper to myself
This may get better yet.

If I can bear to watch you
Just another day or two;
I justify my reasons to
Ensure I cling to you.

For letting go is harder for
The person left behind;
It means that if I let you go,
I cannot turn back time.

Back to the days I long for now,
When you were full of life;
And every day held promise,
And our futures, clear and bright.

But now the lights are darkening ...
We take it daily now;
I cannot see our futures clear
Or think beyond this cloud.

I think the hardest part in this
Is never knowing why,
I have to be courageous
And I have to say goodbye.

For if I let myself admit
It's time to let you go;
I'd have to face reality
Without you ... but I know ...

That soon I have to face the
Final outcome that I dread,
And holding on will only serve
To hurt you in the end.

You've given such unselfish love
For all our time in life,
But if I hold too tightly,
You'll not move t'ward the light ...

On to a better life, where you
Can once again be free,
Of all the pain and discomfort
That holds you here to me.

So if I find the courage just to say
This last farewell,
I hope you will forgive me for
The time it took me; still ...

I'll hold with me, the memories
That in my heart remain,
Pray one day, down the road a'ways
... They'll lesson my own pain.



If you're really struggling with the grieving process, there are several helplines for this purpose - she may be "just" a dog but she has been a family member for 16 years and these helplines may be somewhere you can chat without feeling silly (I'm sure your OH doesn't mean it nastily but sometimes you just don't "get it" unless you've had a pet yourself)

Katiehound

The folk on here know that it is a huge struggle to let a pet go, but we also know that it is the most compassionate thing because we don't want our animals to suffer.
Please do go and sit with your dog at the end.....it took me a lot of courage to do that but it really is easy. Not so easy to walk out crying but the vet will understand, and if it comes to that so will most people you know who have animals.

If you want to talk about it there are free counselling services.You can always come on here and talk to us, but perhaps on the telephone is easier.

Think of all the wonderful times you have had together, and then look forward to the birth of your baby. Be nice to yourself, and allow yourself time to grieve.

Take care

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You just do.


Because nobody else can do it for you or for your pet. You wouldn't dream of letting them, anyway.

And it's desperately sad. And you cry. It hurts you so very much.

But the animal doesn't hurt - they get gently released from their pain, their suffering and their fear.


Doing the right thing for them is what keeps you going, through the signing of the consent form, through your holding them, through deciding what to do afterwards.

And through the coming days.

enc10

Hi
I just wanted to say i know exactly how you feel. 3 weeks ago today i had to make the same decision for my 16 year old dog. I would love to say it gets easier but it doesn't, you just learn to cope with it. We have just started to be able to say her name without bursting into tears.

Take some time out for you, scream, cry, shout if you have to. Do anything that makes you feel better.

take care

fannyadams

{{{{{fly dragon fly}}}}}
couldn't read and run
krlyr - thank you for that beautiful poem.

Sharon140

Just wanted to say how very sorry I am for you I had my dog PTS one month today and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and still cannot function normally without bursting into tears. Please don't worry about your emotions, honestly the vet and nurse will be so understanding and will help you through it and they will give you as much time as you need to say goodbye. You are at the start of a very emotional rollercoaster but we all know how you are feeling so anytime you need to talk you know where we are. I will be thinking of you

fly_dragon_fly

Hello, thank you for the replies, we took her to the vets and he went through a number of things but basically said that he could run tests but she'd only have a few more weeks so me and my dad made the decision to let her go, going over to my parents before the vets just confirmed that it was her time to go, we as humans wouldn't like to be stuck to our bed not being able to walk without of legs giving way and just being sick and not being able to eat so it was unfair to let it continue for her, I spent half hour just stroking her and crying / cuddling her she and the other dogs knew and when we made the decision I sat down with the vets and help her head and stroked her til she went. I was surprised how quickly she passed and I guess I can only be greatful that the last person she saw was me before going to doggy heaven, my dad was in bits yesterday as was I and really struggled to wake this morning after crying so much yesterday I was just exhausted and then to wake up and realise I will never see her again hit me again, I held it together in front of my son but now I'm at my mums I can't bare to go in her room and just typing this has had me in tears again but I thought I best pop back and let you know the outcome, thank you for being so understanding.

gettingready

So sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through now - you have done the right thing, big hugs for you.

Run on the Rainbow Bridge little one, free of pain and happy xxx