Family Court Experience (Contact Order)

shoe*diva79

ValHaller wrote: »

If the order is actually excessive and has a detrimental effect on ex having child, I believe that she should seek to get the order modified.

Can you please explain how him not drinking whilst having our DD is detrimental because I am genuinely confused...

ValHaller

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

Can you please explain how him not drinking whilst having our DD is detrimental because I am genuinely confused...

That is, I think, a misrepresentation. It is fair enough that he does not drink while he has your daughter (although you did say, I think that a glass of wine would be OK). What is excessive is the order not to drink for 48 hours prior. He cannot be that bad that he needs more than 24 hours to sober up - or if he is, I would think he must be so bad that he should never have her unsupervised.

Your sole concern has to be that he is in a fit condition to have her. Any drinking which does not imping upon that is not your business and dare I say it, the court seems to have overstepped with this order.

shoe*diva79

ValHaller wrote: »

That is, I think, a misrepresentation. It is fair enough that he does not drink while he has your daughter (although you did say, I think that a glass of wine would be OK). What is excessive is the order not to drink for 48 hours prior. He cannot be that bad that he needs more than 24 hours to sober up - or if he is, I would think he must be so bad that he should never have her unsupervised.

Your sole concern has to be that he is in a fit condition to have her. Any drinking which does not imping upon that is not your business and dare I say it, the court seems to have overstepped with this order.

He drinks (or did whilst together) a bullet of Strongbow and a bottle of wine each evening. It was a issue whilst together.

He stated in his CAFCASS interview he drinks half a bottle of wine and a couple of beers. He then changed his mind that he dosent drink due to training. He then also admitted 2 occasions that he had drank excessively whilst having our DD but that one of his housemates was not drinking and could be responsible for our DD in the event anything should happen.

I think he tells so many lies he struggles to remember what he said and to who!

The court have decided the interim order based on the evidence and interviews they were presented with. My primary concern is our DD.

Sommer43

ValHaller wrote: »

And you don't understand why he does not want the Wednesdays?

Fr Sa Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su Mo Tu We Th
.. .. .. .. .. .D .. .D .D .D .. .. .D ..
.. .. .. .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X ..


If D is the days he has your daughter and X is the days he cannot drink. the midweeks have put 5 more days in the fortnight when he cannot drink and only left him 4 when he can - and given him 10 days in succession when he cannot drink.

I am sure it was never your intention, but this is something which looks bound the be taken the wrong way.

I actually agree with this.

Equally, the court was told about his drinking... Hence why the test was requested. How did the court know?

Because you told them, Shoediva...

Now, I don't think any person should excessively drink with a child, however, how do you know that he drinks this much as you have quoted earlier in this thread when he has your daughter?

This is what I meant in my earlier post, don't take it as harsh criticism. It is a classic example of two parents starting to sling mud at each other. You have informed a court, that your daughter's father drinks too much and that basically he is an irresponsible father. Just because a forum full of strangers agree with this concept, you told them this. And you wonder why he is hacked off? How would you feel, if he said you were posting on forums till 11.00pm and not able to see to your daughter? About him? Now that's extreme, however, you can see a pattern?

This is not two parents looking for the best solution for their child.

And this is why so many parents end up tearing each up in family law courts. They do not understand the concept of reaching an agreement for contact with both parents. They simply see it as a war to attack each other. I said it once earlier in this thread, and I will say it again, you thought enough of this man to have a child with him, now you're not satisfied with his parenting techniques?

Do you drink? At all? When your daughter is with you?

shoe*diva79

Sommer43 wrote: »

I actually agree with this.

Equally, the court was told about his drinking... Hence why the test was requested. How did the court know?

Because you told them, Shoediva...

Now, I don't think any person should excessively drink with a child, however, how do you know that he drinks this much as you have quoted earlier in this thread when he has your daughter?

This is what I meant in my earlier post, don't take it as harsh criticism. It is a classic example of two parents starting to sling mud at each other. You have informed a court, that your daughter's father drinks too much and that basically he is an irresponsible father. Just because a forum full of strangers agree with this concept, you told them this. And you wonder why he is hacked off? How would you feel, if he said you were posting on forums till 11.00pm and not able to see to your daughter? About him? Now that's extreme, however, you can see a pattern?

This is not two parents looking for the best solution for their child.

And this is why so many parents end up tearing each up in family law courts. They do not understand the concept of reaching an agreement for contact with both parents. They simply see it as a war to attack each other. I said it once earlier in this thread, and I will say it again, you thought enough of this man to have a child with him, now you're not satisfied with his parenting techniques?

Do you drink? At all? When your daughter is with you?

Without delving into to much detail on a public forum, there have been several instances in which his drinking has put our daughter in harms way. Yes, I did tell the CAFCASS officer, Why would I not? Unless I write the entire (long) story with every single detail then you cant understand why the court has come to this.


No, I do not drink whilst I have her with me. The only time infact I drink is the once monthly girls night out when DD is not with me.

I appreciate you have your opinion. Its not mud slinging. He has a alcohol problem which has led to problems looking after our DD. would I really be a responsible parent if I didnt raise concerns?

For the record - DD is snoring softly next to me in bed where we co-sleep :-)

Sommer43

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

Without delving into to much detail on a public forum, there have been several instances in which his drinking has put our daughter in harms way. Yes, I did tell the CAFCASS officer, Why would I not? Unless I write the entire (long) story with every single detail then you cant understand why the court has come to this.


No, I do not drink whilst I have her with me. The only time infact I drink is the once monthly girls night out when DD is not with me.

I appreciate you have your opinion. Its not mud slinging. He has a alcohol problem which has led to problems looking after our DD. would I really be a responsible parent if I didnt raise concerns?

For the record - DD is snoring softly next to me in bed where we co-sleep :-)

Hello Shoediva

That's the thing, isn't it? You cannot go further than you have with your story, therefore, opinions will be formed based on what they are given.

A responsible parent, raising concerns about the parent who fathered her child? You had no concerns when you chose to have the child with him. Now he's ordered by a court, not to drink for 48 hours prior to having his daughter?

I appreciate you need to do what is right for your daughter. By all means, this is repsonsible. Take it from a mother who lost her children via a family law court, it remained with me for many years and almost destroyed me.

He made the application order for a contact order? If I remember correctly. You, as the respondent, have responded with "he drinks" too much.

Now, like I, who drunk the country dry and then some, would you not be saying: "I have concerns about his drinking, therefore until these are resolved, I am asking the court to consider an indirect contact order while m daughter's father undergoes some form of treatment for his alcohol abuse" Or some such... If he has an alcohol problem (which he seems not to have, as you claim he is running a marathon or something and he has now stopped) he will not stop drinking at any time... Does he drive to collect your little girl? Does he drop her off? Does he have a career? Does he pay his bills on time? Does he pay his child support on time? If you have proof of any addiction of a mind altering substance that is being imbibed, then he should not be having access at all, until he has a rehabilitation period and proves that he is capable of being a responsible parent. Now to my mind, that is what a responsible parent would do.

You're in court in February... I would be very careful here, you just never know what he's going to come up with. How do you know, that he might not say, you get absolutely plastered on your once a month night out with your girls, and if he ever became ill and you had to go collect your daughter, you would not be able to as you were under the influence of drink?

Do you see where I am going with this... Based on what I have read from your posts... I am not judging you, this is my opinion and that alone. However, I have seen parents who tear each other to pieces.

krok

Having read every post you have, it seems to me that you just want control over your x.
Is that why he left you. It is clear he wants to keep contact with his child.
A blood test for alcohol can only detect consumption for the last 24 hours so when would he have it.
A hair follicle test averages alcohol consumption over 3 months. But will not say when alcohol was consumed so i say again when would he have it. The court order says he cannot drink 48 hours before contact so how could you prove he had without a blood test. You say that the hair follicle test would prove he was a heavy drinker. That may be true but it would not prove that he was drinking while he had contact with his child or at any time. Oh and it is very expensive to do which you would have to pay for as you have asked for it via cafcass.
I think you have to get used to the fact that your x does not want to be with you, but he does want to be with his child.
You should not try to upset this relationship with your jealousy and let everyone get on with their life.

shoe*diva79

krok wrote: »

Having read every post you have, it seems to me that you just want control over your x.
Is that why he left you. It is clear he wants to keep contact with his child.
A blood test for alcohol can only detect consumption for the last 24 hours so when would he have it.
A hair follicle test averages alcohol consumption over 3 months. But will not say when alcohol was consumed so i say again when would he have it. The court order says he cannot drink 48 hours before contact so how could you prove he had without a blood test. You say that the hair follicle test would prove he was a heavy drinker. That may be true but it would not prove that he was drinking while he had contact with his child or at any time. Oh and it is very expensive to do which you would have to pay for as you have asked for it via cafcass.
I think you have to get used to the fact that your x does not want to be with you, but he does want to be with his child.
You should not try to upset this relationship with your jealousy and let everyone get on with their life.

Its 6 months, not 3 months and as you say, it looks at average consumption. So if he is drinking more then average a test would show this. I didn't ask for a teest, CAFCASS suggested it.

I can assure you that I am not jealous of my ex for any reason - I have moved in with my life and the crux of the matter is arranging for him to have a decent relationship with our DD.

Infaat, when looking at him on Tuesday in court I almost felt sorry at what a sad, pathetic person he has become. But thats his business.

Appreciate your opinion, altho I dont agree with several aspects as likes I mentioned to someone else, you are not aware of the full facts and circumstances.

I came on to update the thread, not get a slating the COURTS decision over something. They obviously feel it nessecery.

shoe*diva79

Sommer43 wrote: »

Hello Shoediva

That's the thing, isn't it? You cannot go further than you have with your story, therefore, opinions will be formed based on what they are given.

A responsible parent, raising concerns about the parent who fathered her child? You had no concerns when you chose to have the child with him. Now he's ordered by a court, not to drink for 48 hours prior to having his daughter?

I appreciate you need to do what is right for your daughter. By all means, this is repsonsible. Take it from a mother who lost her children via a family law court, it remained with me for many years and almost destroyed me.

He made the application order for a contact order? If I remember correctly. You, as the respondent, have responded with "he drinks" too much.

Now, like I, who drunk the country dry and then some, would you not be saying: "I have concerns about his drinking, therefore until these are resolved, I am asking the court to consider an indirect contact order while m daughter's father undergoes some form of treatment for his alcohol abuse" Or some such... If he has an alcohol problem (which he seems not to have, as you claim he is running a marathon or something and he has now stopped) he will not stop drinking at any time... Does he drive to collect your little girl? Does he drop her off? Does he have a career? Does he pay his bills on time? Does he pay his child support on time? If you have proof of any addiction of a mind altering substance that is being imbibed, then he should not be having access at all, until he has a rehabilitation period and proves that he is capable of being a responsible parent. Now to my mind, that is what a responsible parent would do.

You're in court in February... I would be very careful here, you just never know what he's going to come up with. How do you know, that he might not say, you get absolutely plastered on your once a month night out with your girls, and if he ever became ill and you had to go collect your daughter, you would not be able to as you were under the influence of drink?

Do you see where I am going with this... Based on what I have read from your posts... I am not judging you, this is my opinion and that alone. However, I have seen parents who tear each other to pieces.

I dont need to be careful. I know that I live my life squeaky clean. I dont go out and get plasterd with the girls once a month to the point I cant function the next day.

He made the application as I had stopped staying contact due to his drinkijg and other issues. The drinking was a issue when we were together, its been a issue since parting. I didnt just respond to the petition with mud slinging accusations. I responded witth my reasons behind my actions.

I dont feel the need to explain myself further because I would rather not write the entire sorry story down. I am content in the knowledge that the courts have our DD best interests at heart.

ValHaller

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

I dont feel the need to explain myself further because I would rather not write the entire sorry story down. I am content in the knowledge that the courts have our DD best interests at heart.

Then be satisfied with that. You can't have it both ways. If the consequence of the order is that he won't have her midweek, then you have to accept that.

He has accepted that he cannot drink and have his daughter. He has made his choice not to have her midweek - he is not trying to have it both ways. You have to respect that particularly if you are not prepared to have the order cut down from 48 hours to the minimum necessary for your daughters protection.