Family Court Experience (Contact Order)

ValHaller

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

.... The next hearing is to determine if he has our DD in the week as well as every other weekend. I want him to have her overnight once a week (say a wednesday) plus every other weekend. He is refusing the wednesday visit.

And you don't understand why he does not want the Wednesdays?

Fr Sa Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su Mo Tu We Th
.. .. .. .. .. .D .. .D .D .D .. .. .D ..
.. .. .. .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X ..


If D is the days he has your daughter and X is the days he cannot drink. the midweeks have put 5 more days in the fortnight when he cannot drink and only left him 4 when he can - and given him 10 days in succession when he cannot drink.

I am sure it was never your intention, but this is something which looks bound the be taken the wrong way.

shoe*diva79

ValHaller wrote: »

And you don't understand why he does not want the Wednesdays?

Fr Sa Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su Mo Tu We Th
.. .. .. .. .. .D .. .D .D .D .. .. .D ..
.. .. .. .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X .X ..


If D is the days he has your daughter and X is the days he cannot drink. the midweeks have put 5 more days in the fortnight when he cannot drink and only left him 4 when he can - and given him 10 days in succession when he cannot drink.

I am sure it was never your intention, but this is something which looks bound the be taken the wrong way.

I have offered another night, does not have to be a wednesday. And frankly, I would hope that the relationship he has with his daughter is more important then his drinking habit.

ValHaller

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

I have offered another night, does not have to be a wednesday. And frankly, I would hope that the relationship he has with his daughter is more important then his drinking habit.

Oh, I would hope the same. But now there is an order in place for no drinking for 48 hours prior, a genie has been let out of the bottle (to use an inappropriate metaphor) and he has to make a choice. Did anyone consider whether they actually wanted to put him to this choice in quite such stark terms? And if you change the midweek day, you are not going to soften the choice he has to make. And it is going to be hard from an embarrassment point of view to get the court order changed.

I am not saying that anyone is right or wrong here. I am just saying, in the hope that understanding this possible issue helps you think you way around this a bit more.

shoe*diva79

ValHaller wrote: »

Oh, I would hope the same. But now there is an order in place for no drinking for 48 hours prior, a genie has been let out of the bottle (to use an inappropriate metaphor) and he has to make a choice. Did anyone consider whether they actually wanted to put him to this choice in quite such stark terms? And if you change the midweek day, you are not going to soften the choice he has to make. And it is going to be hard from an embarrassment point of view to get the court order changed.

I am not saying that anyone is right or wrong here. I am just saying, in the hope that understanding this possible issue helps you think you way around this a bit more.

His drinking habits do not figure in my mindset whatsoever.

All I care about is that he sees our daughter on a regular basis. Every other weekend is not enough in my eyes, especially when she is still little.

Furthermore, we both have careers and I want us to both share the parental responsibility to our daughter so we both have the opportunity during the week to move our careers forward.

FBaby

I'm confused, why 48 hours before. I have a massive issue with excessive drinking (and don't drink at all myself), but surely preventing someone from having a drink as such is quite controlling when there is no evidence (as far as reading your thread) that it is causing trouble.

I could see as far as saying not drinking on the day he has his daughter if indeed he does have a bit of an issue with limiting himself, but 48 hours before? Why?

shoe*diva79

FBaby wrote: »

I'm confused, why 48 hours before. I have a massive issue with excessive drinking (and don't drink at all myself), but surely preventing someone from having a drink as such is quite controlling when there is no evidence (as far as reading your thread) that it is causing trouble.

I could see as far as saying not drinking on the day he has his daughter if indeed he does have a bit of an issue with limiting himself, but 48 hours before? Why?

I dont know why 48 hours. It was the courts decision. All I asked is that he didnt drink excessivley when our DD was in his care. I dont want to be controlling or anything and if I thought his drink problem was that bad then I would be opposing unsupervised access.

CAFCASS women wanted to order alcohol testing but that wasnt felt necessery at this time as he has promised not to drink. Infact, he actually said he has given up drinking as he is training for a running event in March.

It came out in court (from him) that he has left DD with friends to attend events in which he would be drinking and the clerk ticked him off saying given he only sees DD 4 days a month at present (his terms) then he should be taking responsibility for her rather then letting friends do it for him.

It was all very strange. Not sure what to expect at the next hearing now. We both have to write a statement as to why we want XYZ and then basically thee judge will decide either forcing him to have her overnight during the week or just keep it at weekend visits.

ValHaller

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

It was all very strange. Not sure what to expect at the next hearing now. We both have to write a statement as to why we want XYZ and then basically thee judge will decide either forcing him to have her overnight during the week or just keep it at weekend visits.

An opportunity for YOU to suggest to the court that the no drinking order is too onerous and that 24 hours prior would be sufficient?

Remember that your objective is to get him to maintain contact with her and to be safe and sober. If a 24 hour order will ensure he is sober, anything more is not justified?

shoe*diva79

ValHaller wrote: »

An opportunity for YOU to suggest to the court that the no drinking order is too onerous and that 24 hours prior would be sufficient?

Remember that your objective is to get him to maintain contact with her and to be safe and sober. If a 24 hour order will ensure he is sober, anything more is not justified?

I have already made my feelings known to the court and will reiterate them next month. My statement reads 'I ask that Mr ***** does not drink excessively when ****** is his sole responsibility'

I didnt say anything about prior to having contact or staying totally off the drink (a glass of wine I think acceptable with dinner for example)

ValHaller

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

I have already made my feelings known to the court and will reiterate them next month. My statement reads 'I ask that Mr ***** does not drink excessively when ****** is his sole responsibility'

I didnt say anything about prior to having contact or staying totally off the drink (a glass of wine I think acceptable with dinner for example)

You seem to be looking at this defensively? (eg "I only told them this, I didn't ask for 48 hours")

Whereas the fact that the court have gone beyond what you asked is your opportunity to get the court off your ex's back a bit, making it easier for him to have his daughter - which might ease his outlook on you and store up some credit for you as being a reasonable person with both him and the court.

You need to put something like my diagram in your statement and say that the effect of the order on the ex, combined with a weekday contact and every other weekend is restricting his freedom for 10 days out of every 14, which in turn makes ex resent midweek contact - you would be satisfied with no drinking for 12 or 24 hours prior to contact.

If you agree with my suggestion that the 48 hours might be making this harder and you don't feel that 48 hours is necessary, it is no good expecting the court to interpret what you didn't say ("I didnt say anything about prior to having contact or staying totally off the drink") as a request to ease the situation by cutting down the 48 hours.

krok

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

I dont know why 48 hours. It was the courts decision. All I asked is that he didnt drink excessivley when our DD was in his care. I dont want to be controlling or anything and if I thought his drink problem was that bad then I would be opposing unsupervised access.

CAFCASS women wanted to order alcohol testing but that wasnt felt necessery at this time as he has promised not to drink. Infact, he actually said he has given up drinking as he is training for a running event in March.

It came out in court (from him) that he has left DD with friends to attend events in which he would be drinking and the clerk ticked him off saying given he only sees DD 4 days a month at present (his terms) then he should be taking responsibility for her rather then letting friends do it for him.

It was all very strange. Not sure what to expect at the next hearing now. We both have to write a statement as to why we want XYZ and then basically thee judge will decide either forcing him to have her overnight during the week or just keep it at weekend visits.

Cafcass cannot order anyone to do anything. Their job is only to advise the judge which direction to take.

I think it would be pure ridiculous that the father take a blood test everytime he has his daughter.

Are you sure you are not getting jealous that your x wants to see his child. Perhaps that is why he has taken this issue to court if you are being difficult.