Family Court Experience (Contact Order)

shoe*diva79

My ex gave me papers this evening when collecting our DD as he has applied for a Contact Order. Im a bit confused why he has applied as he has open contact with her whenever he likes, the times he does not see her are his own doing (to busy/work etc).

I have to complete a form myself which was enclosed and there is a court date set in January already.

What can I expect to happen? Anyone had any experience as either PWC or NRP?

daska

If you're happy for that to continue then TBH I wouldn't worry, I'd just go along and say "yes, fine, no problem" at which point the Judge will wonder why he's wasted the Court's time. Don't be scared about not having a solicitor with you, the Judge will give you time to say your piece.

Is there any detail with the papers on exactly what he's asking for? Std (subject to age/distance) is usually alternate weekends plus alternate xmas plus alternate easter, plus 2 or three weeks during the summer and maybe a weeknight.

Do however have a think about what subconscious restrictions you might have inadvertently implied - have you found reasons to insist on having Xmas two years running for instance, or said anything negative about him taking her abroad on holiday, or been vague about committing to specific dates next summer, or not wanted her to do overnights because she's too little at the moment (no idea how old she is, sorry LOL) etc? He might have picked up something small and taken it to mean much more than it does.

Alternatively, if he's avoided having her at critical times because he's busy his family might be putting pressure on him and this might be more to do with them than him.

Just worth having a think if there's anything that might be triggering this.

shoe*diva79

daska wrote: »

If you're happy for that to continue then TBH I wouldn't worry, I'd just go along and say "yes, fine, no problem" at which point the Judge will wonder why he's wasted the Court's time. Don't be scared about not having a solicitor with you, the Judge will give you time to say your piece.

Is there any detail with the papers on exactly what he's asking for? Std (subject to age/distance) is usually alternate weekends plus alternate xmas plus alternate easter, plus 2 or three weeks during the summer and maybe a weeknight.

Do however have a think about what subconscious restrictions you might have inadvertently implied - have you found reasons to insist on having Xmas two years running for instance, or said anything negative about him taking her abroad on holiday, or been vague about committing to specific dates next summer, or not wanted her to do overnights because she's too little at the moment (no idea how old she is, sorry LOL) etc? He might have picked up something small and taken it to mean much more than it does.

Alternatively, if he's avoided having her at critical times because he's busy his family might be putting pressure on him and this might be more to do with them than him.

Just worth having a think if there's anything that might be triggering this.

Hi Daska

Thanks for responding. DD is 2. We have been seperated for 4 months. We originally agreed alternate weekends. He then almost immediately went abroad for work for 4 weeks so didnt see her at all. Occasionally Facetimed her whilst away but with her age she wasnt inteerested in sitting infront of the computer LOL. More recently (last 6 weeks) he has constantly changed arrangements with no explaination. I have later found the reasons and confronted him over these as I felt they were unfair to our DD. I basically told him that he needs to be more consistent and not pick and choose when he sees her to suit his own arrangements.

I am happy for something more formal to be put in place because hopefully it means he will stay consistent and stop messing me about. We had already discussed christmas this year and I told him he could pick her up Boxing Day afternoon which I do not feel is unreasonale. Its the first christmas she really understands what is going on and rather selfishly, he wanted out of our family unit so why should I not get to spend christmas with her? The court date isnt until January anyway.

I had also already asked him his holiday arrangements for neext year as I want to book a break away but didnt want it to clash with his plans (he has 2 other children who he sees for 2 weeks in the summer holidays so I was hoping our DD would go at the same time so she sees her siblings but obviously he needs to liaise with the other PWC to agree dates she is also happy with)

He is asking for alternate weekends and summer holidays. No mention of christmas.

Can I request to the judge that he does not drink excessively when he has our DD? Or is it none of my business?

daska

Absolutely you can, though it will help if you have evidence of excessive drinking to help support this request. The Judge may feel that he shouldn't have unsupervised contact if he has a drink problem.

What happens during his periods of contact is pretty much none of your business unless you have reason to believe that she is at risk of neglect or abuse etc. If you continue contact when you have reason to believe she might be at risk then the first question you will be asked is "why did you put your child at risk?". So, it really depends on whether what you consider excessive drinking would put her at risk in the eyes of the Court as, rather obviously, at two she is very reliant on him to keep her safe. As an example DSD's mum's first contact order specified that she was not allowed to drink for 24 hours prior to or during contact - DSD would have been 10 at the time.

If you do want to raise objections then you might be best off to get half an hour with a family/child solicitor just to check your grounds. You don't need to have representation in the courtroom, the clerks are very helpful and we found the whole system really very accommodating once people knew we didn't have a barrister on-hand.

Have a look here for a solicitor http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/find-a-solicitor/

shoe*diva79

I did think about that and althou I am not overly happy at her being with him, I feel if I withdraw contact then the court will take a dim view on me. I have tried to contantly promote contact after a wobbly start following our seperation. I would feel happier if I know he wasnt drinking (around a bottle of wine and 2 litres of cider a evening) Personally I feel thats to much when looking after her.

Having not been to court before I just feel nervous. I shall look at writing some notes of my concerns and questions to ensure I remember everything.

daska

On the contrary the Court will, quite properly, take a dim view of you NOT protecting your child if you believe her to be at risk. The child has a right to contact but you will get no brownie points for insisting on contact that is not in her best interests.

It does sound as if you ought to make the effort to see a solicitor. They will be able to tell you whether your concerns are valid and advise what you should aim for in terms of contact and restrictions. Would you qualify for legal aid? Ring Community Legal Advice 0845 345 4 345 first thing on Monday morning and they can help you work out if you might be eligible and help you find a solicitor in your area.

shoe*diva79

Thank you. I do have a solicitor as I am fighting for the financial side of the seperation but this contact order was sorted out before he received the frrst letter from my solicitor regarding financial settlement (he got letter yesterday). Ill give him a call next week and see what he says.

Do I have to attend the court? Or can I write my statement saying my concerns, what I expect from access and let the judge decide?

mum2one

It depends on the hearings, Ive been through the ringer with court, some of them the solicitor went by himself, others I had to attend.

I would def speak to the solicitor, as you may be able to put an adjourment in due to the solciitor just taking on the case,

daska

You can but I'd suggest going along if at all possible, especially if you want to raise concerns.

shoe*diva79

Thank you ladies. I shall attend and seek advice next week.

mum2one

sorry I couldn't help any more I would def go to the hearing, the court may well appoint a cafcass officer who will do a family check, speak to you both seperatly and take into account what, why and how.

Hope it goes ok x