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What to Say in Christmas Cards Following a Death?

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  • Hermia
    Hermia Posts: 4,473 Forumite
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    Wishing you a peaceful Christmas
    My thoughts are with you, much love
    Love from xxx

    I think that is perfect.

    I would be wary of choosing cards that are too neutral or sober looking. Every time I have been bereaved the next Christmas and birthday cards I have received have been so pastel-coloured and inoffensive that I felt that they looked like sympathy cards. It really felt like I was being singled out and I didn't want to put them out. Obviously you might want to stay away from very jokey cards, but I would still send something Christmassy.
  • Thanks for the advice all, plenty to mull over...
  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,406 Forumite
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    For the last two years I have this with different aunts. I said something like ' thinking of you on what will be a strange Christmas . Hope that your memories of uncle A will help at this time.'
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • CRANKY40
    CRANKY40 Posts: 5,778 Forumite
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    Sorry to hear about your loss. Could you make a donation to a charity that your sister would have liked, then drop everyone a note telling them what you've done, and add maybe something that you remember about their mum to her children?

    My husband died in October 2009 and all the cards I received 2 months later wishing me "Happy Christmas" or "Have a wonderful Christmas" went straight in the bin. I kept only the ones that people had bothered to write a small message inside, along the lines that they were thinking of me and my husband was missed by them too.
  • Personally I wouldn't use the phrase 'I'm sorry for yur loss' as I will have put that or something like it in the condolence card.

    I think that poster was saying I'm sorry for your loss to the OP, rather than suggesting they write it in the card.
  • purple.sarah
    purple.sarah Posts: 2,517 Forumite
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    edited 7 December 2012 at 1:30AM
    Sorry to hear about your loss.

    Of course avoid any Happy Christmas wording. I read a nice phrase online "May your memories bring you comfort at this time." It recognises that while this Christmas will be difficult without her they have happy memories of past Christmas' with her. I would say something like: Sending you lots of love this festive season, may your memories bring you comfort at this time.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,857 Forumite
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    I definitely wouldn't say anything about a 'strange' Christmas.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • In our extended family if you have a bereavement in the immediate family you generally don't send Christmas cards that year. Or send cards to those who have had a bereavement. It may well be an Irish Catholic thing though. Or just my family(!).
    I'd probably write something short & personal and end with something like "wishing you comfort and peace at Christmas".
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,857 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    The thing to note is that everyone you get a card from may be unaware that you've had a bereavement.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • MrsCautious
    MrsCautious Posts: 1,621 Forumite
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    Can I please gently suggest that 'may your memories bring you comfort' isn't appropriate, if someone says that to me, I find it upsetting but try not to show it. My husband was taken from me and our daughters far too soon and thinking of nice memories is not a comfort, it brings more pain that he isn't here. Hope you don't mind me adding that, I understand people at different stages of grief may not react that way, but months on when someone has died at a young age, I know it's a common reaction.
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