Problems with my Daughter

MissMotivation

I need some advice....and quick as I am at the end of my tether.

My DD is 8 (9 in two months) and up until the last 2/3 months was the most wonderful, well behaved and polite girl you would ever come across. Over the past 2 months not only has she changed at home, in as much as her whole attitude towards me has changed, she is also causing problems at the Childminders. She has fallen out with and caused problems with a child (boy) that the c/minder also looks after and also with the c/minders own children.

A bit of background, I am a lone parent and have been since she was 6 months old. She has been going to the same c/minders for nearly 4 years with no problems up until now. During the last year I have changed jobs and work further away which means i have to drop her off earlier than before and pick her up about half an hour later. There are no problems at school as far I know, at the last Parents Evening she was given a brilliant report and is in top groups for almost all subjects, she was bullied briefly about a year ago but this was nipped in the bud and she has had no further problems.

I guess I'm looking for advice from other parents who may have gone through this. Is she misbehaving because she is not getting as much time with me? Is it because she is getting older? Any ideas as to how I can get her to talk to me as if I ask her if there are any problems she just shrugs her shoulders and refuses to talk. I have asked her Dad for help but he just says its my problem......sort it.

Please help as I want my nice happy Daughter back

Prudent

Have you asked her why her behaviour has changed?

elona

Sounds as if it is something to do with the boy at the childminders.

Just an instinct but see if he is "teasing" her or something.

Gingernutmeg

Are you sure the bulying at school has stopped? Behaviour changes are often one of the major signs that bullying is taking place ...

Possibly it could be because she's getting less time with you - could you possibly organise a nice girly day out, with just the two of you, doing something fun together? Some time away from home might enable her to open up and talk to you, and tell you what's upsetting her and making her angry, as something clearly is.

ailuro2

My dd is 8, 9 in October and was an angel (her previous teacher's words as well as our own!) but this teacher has given her a less than perfect report, and her behaviour at home has been pretty awful too.
Probably normal for othe parents, but when you are used to having polite,well behaved dd it comes as a shock.

We have made time to really listen to her about her concerns at school- she really doesn't like the teacher, and the teacher tells her class to shut up, shouts at them etc.- nothing too nasty, just not very polite!

I will be glad when she gets a new teacher who will show better manners, tbh.

I agree something is bothering your dd- yes, there is an element of our little cherubs growing up a bit and getting to the stage where they question us:eek: but I felt you think there is more behind it than just 'an awkward age' Girly chats help, especially when facial treatments and nail polish help you do it without them realising too much they are being quizzed;)

Best of Luck, I hope you find a reason soon.

back2square1

I have a daughter at same age and I am a lone parent too. I think when you are a lone parent your children test the boundaries more often. As your daughter regularly goes to Childminder she will test her boundaries too.

Does your daughter see her father often? If so, does he discipline the same as you? Basically its useful if you back each other up on discipline because your daughter may identify a weakness here and can easily end up running circles around you both.

I find with all of my children that when I say "I am your mother, you are a 8yr old child and you must show me some respect!" they understand it and back down. I know this sounds obvious but sometimes your children can overstep the mark which sounds as though this is what your daughter is doing. Maybe because of the change in working hours she is testing her boundaries again. As long as you tell her that her behaviour is not acceptable and it needs to improve then she will soon realise good behaviour is the best way to get on in life.

You have to be persistent with your treatment towards her everytime she does something naughty. Make sure you discuss this with your childminder too. If you are both treating her in the same way then your daughter will realise her behaviour needs to improve no matter if she is at home or not.

I bought a plastic jar, white pebbles and black pebbles. Everyday my children would receive black pebble for making their beds and getting ready on time, they would only get a white pebble if they did something exceptionally good ie. good work at school, helped you without having to be asked, etc. Everytime they misbehaved they had to take a pebble out of their jar. Depending on the severity of the naughty behaviour was reflected in what pebbles were taken out of the jar.

I set a target of them getting 15 pebbles a week, black pebble counted as 1 pebble, white pebble counted as 3 pebbles. Everytime they got 15 pebbles then they received a treat.

This worked very very well, much better than any sticker chart. Especially because they had to put the pebbles in and take them out it had more of an effect on them. I saw a big improvement in their behaviour everytime we used the pebble method.

Js_Other_Half

My oldest niece started showing hormonal behaviour just before she turned 9 last year - mood swings at certain times of the month etc, and she needed a bra at Xmas, and is starting to grow underarm hair, etc...:eek:

Is it all possible she could be entering puberty? My SIL apparently started her periods at 10, although my niece is now 9 1/2 now they are expecting it anytime...

back2square1

My niece developed at 10yrs of age but quite a few of her friends in her year developed even earlier. The underarm hair is usually accompanied with hair downstairs too so I would say yes it is very likely she is entering puberty.

nats3006

so glad i have 2 boys lmao

smileypigface

Yes Nats - with 2 boys you only have to worry about 2 little willies ... us mothers of girls have to worry about all the willies in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is that too rude for the board??:D

Fizog

Poor you, could be she does resent the change at having to spend longer with the childminder. I used to help out an acquaintance in dropping off her kids to help her out and they were so resentful that she hadn't come they were obnoxiously rude to me. Your little girl is growing up and she maybe in a group of friends at school who are hitting puberty earlier than usual and attitude and interests will change. Their peer groups start becoming more important than parents. Girls can be particularly !!!!!y so there could be that she has been dropped from the important clique... or old friends and finds it hard to tell you by the time you get home...reading ...tables...dinner...bath... (remember it well) is too tired to broach the subject.
A girlie day out with her having your attention may get her to open up. You don't have a mother in the class you could ring and get her to subtly ask her offspring if anything untoward is occurring. I always could ask some Mum to extract info off the future gossips of the community who would spill the beans with little prompting. I found out more from them than the class teacher as my boys wouldn't tell me anything....

Puberty and hormones play havoc with kids emotions you forget. I told my boys at 12 that we were probably not going to like each other much over the next 6 years - but I would always love them.
Good luck