Disposable income. What is reasonable?

Mary_Hartnell

SoozieSoo wrote: »

The thing is I suggest things like that and he says he is not eating "like a pauper". I also suggest cutting back on the sky package and internet, but he says no. Its like he wanst to have his cake and eat it.

There is no such thing as "pauper" food, just well prepared and thought out food and badly planned and prepared food.
However there is luxury food and almost all of it is bad for family health.

A couple of hundred years ago there was a strike in London and a law had to be passed to stop apprentices being fed oysters more than two or three times a week.

That said women and men have different standards EG 6 pints of beer v 1.5 hour phone calls. etc. etc.

Are you both working ? If not you are in a weak position to demand he keeps accounts if he refuses to do so.

liney

Firstly you do not have £500 per month left over because you arent including a car fund/clothes fund/birthday and christmas fund/family fund and savings.

When you have worked out what you actually do have left, show your husband the spread sheet and ask him how you can cut down so that he can have his pocket money. Don't take no for an answer - He is obviously far wiser than you so must come up with a solution!

belfastgirl23

I think you probably need to tell him that the way you've budgeted, the £200 isn't a possibility and if he wants that money then he needs to find a way to make it work. I know my DH complained bitterly about cutting down on grocery spending till I pointed out that rates and gas debits had gone up by £200 a month and that it was either cut back on frivilous spending or put more money into the joint account. He needed to see it explained blow by blow (although he didn't want to lol!). He also needed to see it wasn't about me being controlling or mean, simply that it was about there not being enough money to go around.

The other thing I'd think though is whether this is one of those arguments that isn't really about the money? It might be worth finding a calm moment to see if he is feeling under stress or undervalued at work or something?

riddlesticks

SoozieSoo wrote: »

How much disposable income do you think is reasonable for a family of 3? I deal with all the money and my husband is concerned why we are always robbing peter to pay Paul. After all bills are paid, food, petrol etc we have £500 a month left over. I am finding this is just not enough. For example, this month I put £100 in our holiday fund, son need new shoes, school pants, some jeans - £70, car tax due £100, 3 birthdays - £60, trip out as it was school holidays £70, family meal for birthday £40, Christmas savings £40. That comes to £440 and we have not bought a single thing for ourselves yet!!

My husband seems to think £500 is plenty. I have told him he should take over the finances if he is that bothered, but he won’t budge. He said he wants £200 of his wages to spend how he likes, I have told him this is just not possible. He thinks I am being mean.

Any advice how to get over to him the cost of living, school shoes, birthdays gifts, nights out are not “free”. He does not seem to understand this.

How much money do you get to spend on yourself a month and what does it include?

Geez you have that much disposable income!!! You could explain to him that a lot of people are in a worse situation than him and that he should be grateful to you for sorting the finances out so well. So he wants £200 a month to spend - well give it to him but just tell him he cant go on hols as you cant afford to pay for him out of the money your left with. Also if he expects a christmas pressie well tough!!!! Oh yeah and tell him he will have to pay for his own car tax and other things like that out of his money. I sometimes think some men are not living in the real world. My OH used to be like that until I explained to him that we are not rich and cannot afford to not stick to a budget. He came to our relationship with loads of debt cos he would just go out and spend loads of money (and he had no bills like rent, gas, elec cos he was living at home). Every month I do a budget and I sit down with OH and show him where everything is going and he seems to be happy with that. He knows if it wasnt for me he would not be having nice holidays, Christmas, Birthdays and the occasional night out. He would be up to his eyeballs in more debt and have no way of paying it. And by the way we only have about £200 - £300 disposable income every month and we are a family of 4 including a baby.

HTH xxx

Addiscomber

The whole point though is that that they don't have that much disposal income, only the illusion that they do. Actually he is already having about £173 a month for beer and fags.

liney

I didnt bother adding that up - give him the additional £27 !

harvey1964

back2square1 wrote: »

Sit down with a budget planner together (the one on this website is good). Put all your details in and let him see where all the money goes and what on. Also why don't you ask what he sees as more important to spend on himself than all the necessities you pay out of the £500 a month???
Family finances are awkward and you never seem to get a treat for yourself, but to be honest putting money away regularly for a holiday is your treat when you are parents. It sounds to me you are doing a spectacular job sorting family finances out and I cannot see how anyone could do it any better.

If he wants £200 to spend on himself then maybe he should earn more money because that is the only way it will happen.

where would i find the budget planner on here ?

Addiscomber

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/viewnews.cgi?newsid1089226742,17582,

angela110660

Keep trying. My husband was great at sorting out budgets at work but totally lacked interest here. Then we did the online one on this site and seeing the truth really shocked him ( and me!) Now I handle the day to day but we have spreadsheets set up to track EVERYTHING and we have little ontrack meetings once or twice a month to make sure it is all going in the right places. Since last Spring, we have saved in an ISA, paid for holidays and had a fab Xmas with no money worries. We are a changed couple who took 25 years of marriage to finally see the light. Don't give up.

belfastgirl23

Just another quick thought that occurred - if he likes his DVDs etc an online dvd hire service might be worth checking out. I used amazon for a bit and it works really well. No doubt there are much cheaper versions available. The other thing is that it is possible to download tv etc - eg channel 4 are now able to offer online all of their programmes for the last week. BBC radio has been doing this for ages and I think they do it for some tv as well??

I do sort of sympathise with him in a way, I remember the innocent days of thinking money was elastic and could stretch indefinitely

Also let us know how you get on....