Disposable income. What is reasonable?

hobo28

Horico wrote: »

Current thinking and guidelines if I remember correctly state that you should allow roughly £300-£350 per couple (or is it each person) and £150 for each dependent each month to get by OK. That means about £700 minumum for you to live on as a disposable.

I'll see if I can check the figures and update them if I remember...

Wow, that would mean I should have £900-£950 per month as my minimum disposable income. That just sounds obscene.

Addiscomber

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

There are two options. One is to see if you can squeeze the household budget a bit (esp by using old style board tips) and save some money there. The other is to sit down with your husband and show him where the money goes. I made my DH do this a while back practically at gunpoint since he HATES money discussions but it did make a difference.

There is only one option, and that is the second one. Otherwise everyone in the rest of the family will suffer pandering to his selfishness, whilst allowing him to live in a false lala land. No adult should be insulated from the real cost of living. I'm not saying for a minute that you shouldn't try to get maximum value for your housekeeping pounds but it should be for the benefit of the whole family, not for one individual. I fully agree with ailuro2 that your DH needs to get his head around the idea that he is a parent and householder with responsibilities, not a carefree singleton. Everyone should have at least a few £s that is theirs to do whatever they like with, including SAHMs, but when you have a mortgage and a young family it is unlikely to be much.

I would suggest doing your budget as described above, using the calculator if it helps, or else on paper, and including the correct proportion of everything that comes around on an irregular basis. Don't forget season ticket, dentist, optician, car service and all such things. Then if DH finds it boring to go through sheets of figures, what about showing him using monopoly money or equivalent? Starting with take home pay, and taking off as you go through each budget item. Maybe he is someone who understands visually, but whatever you do do not try this with real money or you risk him scooping some up, and you will be worse off.

bunty109

If he isn't prepared to listen after you've talked to him, there's always drastic measures: give him the £200 and then have a month where you drastically cut back and start talking about having no holiday etc. I'm sure a month eating beans on toast or something similar EVERY NIGHT will make your point

<you can tell what I'd do to my OH, can't you!!> :rotfl: :rotfl:

Addiscomber

I had to go out unexpectedly. Whilst walking down the road I remembered something to add. When you are budgeting you will be working on past bills etc for the information, so try to add about 5% for inflation so that you stay ahead of the game, and review your budget regularly. I would suggest a minimum of 3 monthly at first and 6 monthly when you are sure that you have the hang of it , and everything is on track.

pinkshoes

Use Excel to make a spreadsheet of all your spending predictions from bills, to car payments, to childrens clothes, birthdays, holidays. Then show your OH how much money is actually left over after all the essential things, and if he still wants his £200/month spending money, then he can suggest which areas he feels happy cutting back on!

The shopping budget is often an easy way to save money i.e. only eat meat twice a week, and cook everything from scratch, therefore never wasting money on pre-prepared foods. I'm sure he'll soon get fed up eating Potato and carrots every day, and no pizzas, curries and luxury items!

SoozieSoo

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Do you have any idea what he wants to spend it on? Perhaps he wants to be able to pay for day trips out etc? In which case it's just about allocating the £ to him. Or would he cover his own clothes out of it? Or if you get takeaways etc? Maybe it could even cover car and petrol spending? If it's about him feeling in control rather than him frittering away money then I'd try to make it work since that would be understandable.

He wants the £200 to buy his own things. Spend on hobbies, Dvd's, bits for the computer, that kind of thing. He already has a night out once a week £30 and smokes £10 a week, so to be honest I feel he already has enough money he spends on himself. He wants £200 in addition to his beer and fags money, which I think is unreasonable.

I do appreciate he is working, but life is not like that. I have told him he can take control of the finances and allocate me "housekeeping" for food, kids clothes etc. He does not want to do this.

SoozieSoo

pinkshoes wrote: »

The shopping budget is often an easy way to save money i.e. only eat meat twice a week, and cook everything from scratch, therefore never wasting money on pre-prepared foods. I'm sure he'll soon get fed up eating Potato and carrots every day, and no pizzas, curries and luxury items!

The thing is I suggest things like that and he says he is not eating "like a pauper". I also suggest cutting back on the sky package and internet, but he says no. Its like he wanst to have his cake and eat it.

Jet

SoozieSoo wrote: »

The thing is I suggest things like that and he says he is not eating "like a pauper". I also suggest cutting back on the sky package and internet, but he says no. Its like he wanst to have his cake and eat it.

Sooziesoo,

Sounds like he's behaving like your child not your partner! We all want nice things. But we all have to learn to compromise. He thinks of you as being the "baddie" for stopping him having his fun things - my ex was the same. But he didn't want to be involved with the financial planning. That was "boring" and "my job" apparently. :rolleyes:

One of the reasons he became my "ex" to be honest. :j

ktb

As has been suggested, if you do yourself a comprehensive SOA including all known annual expenses... Tax & MOT, birthdays, christmas, shoes & clothing etc this would give you the true 'disposable' figure and you can show this to your hubby and tell him what he can have once all the family type money reqirements are taken care of. You are going to have to be strict by the sounds of it.. things like "i'm not eating like a pauper" are all well and good but if the robbing peter to pay paul continues he may find himself (and the rest of you of course) living on beans on toast whilst you spend years on a DMP.

Your Hubby obviously hasnt had any kind of LBM himself... but you have and need to stick to your guns until he finally comes round. I hope it doesnt involve too much arguing & negativty until he has his - but you really are looking out for the best interests of your family... you are doing the right thing challenging his behaviour before your debt situation worsens.

Good luck hun.

Addiscomber

Just curious here, did he come to your marriage from living at home with parents who perhaps didn't charge him a realistic amount for housekeeping?