Absolutely mortified - what do I say?

loracan1

They've just lost their dad and you're mithering about the content of a speech?

Moominmamma

I have to agree with the majority here, op, in that you really need to cut your DH (and his sis) some slack here, and be his rock in what is inevitably going to be a very tough period for him.

I can, however, appreciate your upset at your kids' relationship with their grandad being over-looked and if your children are old enough would whole-heartedly second inkie's suggestion of them maybe saying a few words themselves about their grandad.

dandy-candy

Thanks for the comments here, there's a lot of back history which would explain things better but it's too much to write it all up here and I don't think I want to even go there.
There was originally a plan for my eldest to do a speech from the grandchildren but then SIL said she wanted him to read a poem instead. Hence me being rather gobsmacked that they weren't mentioned in the other speech.
I would like them to do a speech because FIL was a really sweet grandpa and great fun. I don't know if my suggesting they do one will be a problem, but I will mention it to DH tonight.

sophietb

When my Dad died last year the children (13 and 9) made hand prints which were stuck on each side of the coffin. This was their way of giving him a last hug to send him on his way. They were mentioned in the eulogy but those handprints said so much more about how much they loved him and he them.

lika_86

Why not amend it to say something along the lines of 'X was a loving father to [2] children and grandfather to [3]'?

I assume that the speech doesn't go on and on about your sister in law but never mentions your other half or children, so why not remind her that it could mention those he leaves behind?

At my great grandad's funeral they did something similar along the lines of 3 children, X grandchildren and X great grandchildren (although he was 103 so maybe more of note).

I really wouldn't suggest chapter and verse on your kids though, remember this is not the dandy-candy show.

dandy-candy

lika_86 wrote: »

I really wouldn't suggest chapter and verse on your kids though, remember this is not the dandy-candy show.

No my eldest will write it - he's 20 years old. I not bothered if I get a mention or not, but I know others will come up and comment on it which could be cringy. Oh well. I just didn't want the kids left out.

maman

dandy-candy wrote: »

Thanks for the comments here, there's a lot of back history which would explain things better but it's too much to write it all up here and I don't think I want to even go there.
There was originally a plan for my eldest to do a speech from the grandchildren but then SIL said she wanted him to read a poem instead. Hence me being rather gobsmacked that they weren't mentioned in the other speech.
I would like them to do a speech because FIL was a really sweet grandpa and great fun. I don't know if my suggesting they do one will be a problem, but I will mention it to DH tonight.

Maybe your SIL thinks the grandchildren are represented by your son reading a poem. Either way she's under a lot of stress so now isn't the time to be adding to it for her or your DH.

If I were you I'd simply have a line added to the eulogy simply describing him as a much loved dad and grandad. Then if your son wants to he could introduce his poem by saying how he's proud to be involved and dedicating the poem to his grandad because he (and the other grandchildren) has many happy memories etc etc. It's not meant to be a speech just a few introductory sentences.

belfastgirl23

dandy-candy wrote: »

No my eldest will write it - he's 20 years old. I not bothered if I get a mention or not, but I know others will come up and comment on it which could be cringy. Oh well. I just didn't want the kids left out.

Anyone who comments on it is just stirring IMHO - I love my inlaws but wouldn't expect any kind of a mention, that's DH's place, not mine. If they know you can be baited on this they may well try, esp if your DSIL is a person who does cause a bit of stress. I certainly wouldn't want to give that kind of thing any credence on the day she's burying her father.