Family or career?

what_t0_do

Spendless wrote: »

Sorry, am I missing something here? You say you are the NRP and see your child every 3rd weekend and for 50% of all school hols. Why does that have to change if you move 2 hours drive away? You might need to re-jig the times you pick up and drop off on your weekends. Presumably you sort out your annual leave in order to have your child for 1/2 the school hols, so if you are off what difference will it make?

Sorry if my first post was unclear, I actually have 2/3 of weekends and the RP has 1/3. If I moved I would hope to keep these weekends but my current mid-week (evening) contact would be very, very difficult. I also collect from school on my contact days and this would have to change too I imagine.

balletshoes

Spendless wrote: »

Sorry, am I missing something here? You say you are the NRP and see your child every 3rd weekend and for 50% of all school hols. Why does that have to change if you move 2 hours drive away? You might need to re-jig the times you pick up and drop off on your weekends. Presumably you sort out your annual leave in order to have your child for 1/2 the school hols, so if you are off what difference will it make?

i agree with this - 2 hours drive away is totally do-able to keep the vast majority of your existing contact arrangements with your daughter going . I say go for it. You could take the odd Friday afternoon or Monday morning off so you could still sometimes take her to school/pick her up etc.

Alikay

A 2 hour drive isn't too bad 2 or 3 times a month. The problem could come in a few years time if your child say plays a sport at weekends or has some other activity scheduled. Providing you're happy to pop down for a day trip, or stay in a Travelodge near his/her home, or are able to stay over with friend should that arise, moving shouldn't be a problem.

Carl31

How would you explain all this to your daughter? and what if it doesnt work out with your man?

what_t0_do

It would be difficult to explain to a child, but she has been to visit my family in that area and so has some concept of where it is and how far away it is. I think the most difficult part would be that she would want to come with me, but that's just not possible.

Carl31

what_t0_do wrote: »

I would miss her, terribly. I suppose if I knew I wouldn't, there would be no dilemma and I wouldn't be posting here. I also know my dd would miss me, which is harder to deal with.

I was reading another thread on here today titled "To have children or not - how do you decide???" where there were a few people saying how it's not socially acceptable to say you regret having children, but actually its not that uncommon for people to feel that way. I know if I had my time again, I would have at least waited and actually thought about what I wanted from life before having children, and actually I do regret rushing into it when I was so young. I love DD to bits of course, have to add that as a disclaimer. I just don't know if I would have ever wanted children if I hadn't unexpectedly fallen pregnant so young.

what ever your thoughts are now about having children is irrelevant. You cant justify your moving away by the fact things would be different if you knew what you know now, your daughter is here, you brought her here and shes your responsibility

what_t0_do

Carl31 wrote: »

what ever your thoughts are now about having children is irrelevant. You cant justify your moving away by the fact things would be different if you knew what you know now, your daughter is here, you brought her here and shes your responsibility

I wasn't trying to justify moving away, just trying to work out why I feel the way I do. I understand that a lot of parents do make huge sacrifices for their children, and are very happy to do so. I'm wondering why I feel like I'm almost giving up on my life by making sacrifices that other people make all the time. Maybe I'm selfish, I really don't know.

Alikay

what_t0_do wrote: »

I wasn't trying to justify moving away, just trying to work out why I feel the way I do. I understand that a lot of parents do make huge sacrifices for their children, and are very happy to do so. I'm wondering why I feel like I'm almost giving up on my life by making sacrifices that other people make all the time. Maybe I'm selfish, I really don't know.

I don't think of it as making sacrifices: For me it's simply making choices whilst taking into account the impact on other people in my life.

maman

I did something similar years ago but the circumstances were a little different. My ex had become the RP rather against my wishes (long story and not specially relevant). I travelled every weekend to visit my DD (300 mile round trip) and wrote to her every week. This helped combat adverse comments about me that she was getting from her dad and the in-laws. I suppose this could have gone on indefinitely until she was old enough to make her own choices of where she lived. I don't know if this is what you're planning but I applied to be the RP and just before it went to court ex decided to just give in and send her to me.

I'd say you can maintain very similar contact from your proposed new home and will have the funds to do so. You need to think about whether you're happy to go on being NRP indefinitely. It seems that the majority of fathers have to accept this situation so if you do then it's just the reverse of what most children experience when their parents split up.

Briefly, I'd say it's not what you're thinking about now that's a problem. That's not a huge step away from the status quo but what would you like from the longer term? If you'd like to be RP you can challenge your ex.

Marisco

Carl31 wrote: »

what ever your thoughts are now about having children is irrelevant. You cant justify your moving away by the fact things would be different if you knew what you know now, your daughter is here, you brought her here and shes your responsibility

Why is the op different to a father if he wanted to move though? I've seen posts about NRP's (men) who have moved, but there is never any suggestion that they shouldn't go. It's usually a case of "something can be worked out", never "don't go"! What would be better, the NPR moving, being happy and working contact out, or an NRP who stays and is resentful for wasting an opportunity?