My friend is ill and my other friends don't seem to care!

k12479

What did you do when you got together, go to Anna's house? I can imagine that could feel a bit like 'visiting the patient' which, like visiting hospitals, is maybe not the most fun thing.

If feasible, you could perhaps try arranging to meet at a coffee shop or somewhere a bit more 'normal' and 'fun'.

thegirlintheattic

Maybe they are struggling to cope with the idea their friend will die. People react in different ways. I have been in a similar situation and didn't know how to act/what to say, and it upset me every time I saw the person, so I tried to avoid seeing them as that was my way of coping. Prehaps not the best way but it was the only way I knew.

quinechinoise

stuckonthespot wrote: »

Beth and Claire are both lovely caring people normally so I'm feeling quite hurt about this, and if that's me then I can only imagine how Anna must be feeling. Us all meeting us has just gradually trailed off, they've always got excuses about how busy they are, now I do get that they do both have busy lives, young kids etc but personally I can't see how anything is more important than spending time with someone you love who is going to die. We see each other less now than we did before we found out Anna was ill. Neither Beth or Claire has been outright nasty or rude about it but it's always "I have to take James to piano lessons that night" and no suggestion of another time to meet, neither of them ever get in touch first, it's always me or Anna send a txt about meeting up. I don't understand how they can be like this?

Would I be right in saying that neither you nor Anna have young kids - or, perhaps, any kids? It is actually possible that your meet-ups would have started to tail off even if Anna was not ill.

It's not an outright excuse: they could do more, even if it was just regular emails and texts to help keep Anna in the loop and cheer her up and so on. But it is true that kids consume more and more time as they get older - all the activities/groups that they attend and must be ferried to, the kids' birthday parties, school events, etc.

Maybe you could find out if Anna would appreciate short visits and, if so, let Beth and Claire know that even 15 minute social calls would be welcome. Some people won't actually visit if they can't spare a couple of hours. When you spend all week doing stuff for your kids and driving around every day, there can be a selfish reluctance to drag yourself out for a whole evening. (I know you said they go to "parties" but are they work parties or school parents meet-ups? Some events make people feel obliged to attend - not necessarily because they find them enjoyable.) But 15 minutes, en route to the supermarket or after the school run, can be much more doable - just enough time for a cup of coffee and a hug.

marisco_2

What has Anna said about the situation? Has she discussed with you how she feels about the current status quo in her relationship with Claire and Beth?

I ask this because a friend of mine is battling breast cancer. It's not terminal at the moment but she is desperately ill and going through horrendous treatment. At stages of her illness she has requested some space from our circle of friends. She really struggled to see us when her hair began to fall out. We kept in regular touch with her by phone, email and facebook but respected the privacy she wished for to give her time to come to terms with things.

People do struggle terribly with illness and death. Both those suffering from the illness and their friends. I am very sorry to hear a friend of your is ill and wanted to send you a big (((HUG)))