My friend is ill and my other friends don't seem to care!

System

Maybe they cant cope with seeing someone terminally ill? Maybe they dont know what to say? Maybe it reminds them of their own mortality.

I know its a cop out and its heartless when you think about it but its their way of coping.

Sambucus_Nigra

Have you actually asked them how they are feeling about this and how all 3 of you can make sure that Anna's brief time is one where her friends are round her and doing what they can?

Fire_Fox

Can you manage to write letters and Skype Anna?

fluffnutter

stuckonthespot wrote: »

But as time has gone on I feel like Beth and Claire just don't seem to care as much as I do...

Is it a competition? :eek:

BAGGY

I guess they are embarrased as they don't know how to act around your friend or what to say. If it's, say cancer, it may be too painful for them to confront someone who has a disease that they have lost someone close too maybe. Also if she is physically deeriorating it may be too distressing for them. I doubt they will visit now. They have left it too long.

Hermia

jumpedtheshark wrote: »

As much as you'd like to change Beth and Claire's attitudes, you can't. So, I'd focus on making your time with Anna count.

I agree you can't change them and in a way it would be awkward if you nagged them into seeing your friend, but then they did it with ill-grace.

My mum recently died and two of her oldest friends did not even see or phone her at the end. Not even when she was still at home and looking okay and being chatty. I know she was really upset about this. I am just disgusted that two middle-aged women could not be brave and put aside their feelings and see her.

System

We didnt know Dad was dying until 6 hours before he actually died and my Mum who had been married to him for 27 years ran off as soon as she was told. My one regret is although Dad was unconscious i didnt stay with him. I took off after my Mum and stayed with her as she was distraught.

In my defence, I was only 18.

sunshinetours

fluffnutter wrote: »

Is it a competition? :eek:

Maybe read between the lines of what OP was actually saying rather than get pedantic about how it was worded.

OP, many handle things like this differently as others have said and it takes a strong person to be there through times like this, and simply put not everyone can handle it. They would make more time if they could handle simple.

Had a former work colleague die quite young through cancer and it was horrible to see but myself and one other made time every couple of weeks to go and see them and have lunch etc even when we didn't really have time

Errata

OP - your feelings about this are unimportant, Anna's are. Have you and she talked about how she feels about it?

Mupette

ok i am not terminally ill, but i do have an incurable debilitating disease, once i told everyone, i really found out who my friends were, Quite a few don't bother now, i get that, its a lot to do with not knowing how to treat me, i say so what i am always ill, i can't always go out and have fun, or have the money for it. But i am still me.

Some live miles away, but every few months we get together, and it's lovely, i understand that everyone has their own lives to lead, have different circle of friends and parties, doesn't bother me at all, we are all friends on Facebook and keep in touch that way.

some people just can't deal with a loved one / friend dieing you can't force them to be there for you, if they can't do it then this should be respected.