Help needed

Lesoot

I did see the burns, but didn't photograph them. I am not sure why i didn't.

she is the primary carer as i didn't think i'd ever get custody of them as courts ALWAYS favour the mother!

My main worry is that if social services get involved then they might get taken away and i might never see them again!

RAS

Did this happen once or it is a regular problem?

If you ignore obvious signs of abuse, you will lose the children.

If this or anything similiar happens, you need to take the child straight to the doctors or A&E and get the injury recorded. Then retain them instead of returning them

Your eldest is of an age when the courts will take some note of their views. However, what will happen is that CAFCASS will interview all three children and make a decison as to where they should live. If you encourage the children not to tell social services, explicitly or by your actions you will be considered unsuitable. You also risk a situation where the children decline to tell CAFCASS about the problems because they have learned from you to keep quiet.

The youngest children ever to have their views taken into account by a court were about the age of your youngest; the courts refused to return them to another country and an abusive father because they made their terror explicit.

In the mean-time encourage them to report to school if any more incidents happen.

flutterby_lil

How often do you see them now?

Do you want them to live with you, only you state 'my problem is, they have all expressed the desire to live with me'

Lesoot

I see them every other week, but that changes if the ex feels that the kids have something else to do.

I would love them to live with me, thy are my world

scaredofdebt

Lesoot wrote: »

she is the primary carer as i didn't think i'd ever get custody of them as courts ALWAYS favour the mother!

My main worry is that if social services get involved then they might get taken away and i might never see them again!

The courts DO NOT always favour the mother, I went to court to get a Joint Residency Order and won.

The courts will try to get a 50/50 split if they can, this is seen as the ideal nowadays but the distance between you may preclude that as anything over around 45 minutes from school is considered too much. If you could move closer to their school that may open up more options.

The only way you will win full custody is if they courts feel the mother is abusive or unable to look after the children, or she doesn't want to!

I'd certainly go to court to get more contact, that might make her think a bit about how she treats the kids as she would then realise losing them is a possibility.

I went to court and it cost around £150 plus another £175 for a McKenzie Friend, I didn't use a solicitor and got pretty much what I wanted. Second time around I represented myself and again got more or less what I was after.

Feel free to PM me if you want me to put you in touch with the McKenzie I used and good luck.

Smart_Mart

Just wanted to wish you good luck with this....:T

My story is elsewhere on this site but I can add a few thoughts to it. Firstly, the courts will be guided by what SS and CAFCASS say so get them onside if you can, don't slag off the mother to the children, always put the children's interests first and create a good environment for them.

Secondly as others have said, try to get into see a solicitor as soon as possible. If you can't afford one, get a Mackenzie Friend or apply for legal aid and get a brief that way. You cannot do this on your own, the stress will do your head in.

Thirdly, and probably as important as the first two things, write everything down. Incidents, problems, issues, failed contact times, the times the mother has changed contact at the last minute etc. Don't rely on your memory please.

Fourthly, have the belief in yourself that you are a good father and that you can look after them. Believing you can do it is half the battle...

Is there any chance of you moving to Bristol so that the children don't have to uproot their schools? It's quite nice here (I'm in Bristol) and the least amount of upheaval in their lives will count in your favour.

Just finally, I'll leave with you this, my story. I split from my ex seven years ago and went for custody of my twins, aged five at the time. I lost the case because things weren't that bad that the courts were prepared to switch residency of them. I became the best dad I could ever be, had them every weekend without fail for more than six years, watched my ex go through half a dozen partners, slide downhill into a world of drink and (I believe) drugs and things finally came to a head in 2011 when three incidents in quick succession alerted SS.

The boys went on a Child Protection Plan (where SS, the schools, the health and social workers and various other bodies look after the interest of the children much more closely). Their mother kept drinking and after failing once more last New Year, the children moved in with me for the first time.

Now, almost a year to the day since they moved in, I have two happy, safe, warm, well-fed, loving little boys. My house is 100 yards from their school (a big plus in all of this), I haven't got residency officially as the courts said the kids would be no better off if it was formalised and the mum would have to go to court to get them back anyway) and they love it with me.

Be good, play things by the book and good luck.

Oh and Happy New Year.