Whats the difference between spying on your children and checking on them?

themull1

I must be in the minority because i actually trust my 13 year old daughter...

Mojisola

themull1 wrote: »

I must be in the minority because i actually trust my 13 year old daughter...

But do you trust everyone she might come into contact with on the net?

How is a child expected to know that the friendly girl she is sharing info with is really a 40 year old !!!!!phile? Vigilant parents might spot inconsistencies that wouldn't be noticed by a child or would see when the chat started to get into dodgy areas.

barbarawright

Hermia wrote: »

I agree. I think everyone, no matter what their age, is entitled to a private space. I really don't like those parents who think they are entitled to know everything in their child's head (their dreams, fantasies, likes, dislikes).

I work in a library and get very annoyed with some parents. We get parents who will sit there and painstakingly go through every book that their very sensible 16 year old child is taking out. We get parents who ring up and ask what books their teenage kids have taken out. If I see the kid has got a book out on a deeply personal subject (e.g. a guide on coming out for gay teens) I claim the computer has gone down and I can't access their record!

Surely you *never* tell a parent what books a teenager has out, regardless of subject? In the library I work in, once a child gets an adult ticket (at 13), their parents no longer take responsibility for their books and we don't give out any information about what they have out. And yes, we get the same sort of queries. I really didn't believe it when I started working there but it happens a lot

Jinx

I guess its because they are still legally a child a parent can ask and if they really pushed it I doubt you'd be able to refuse.

In saying that I was surprised when the library issue came up, I would never have asked a library what books my daughter was taking out, it just wouldnt have occurred to me! Plus why would you censor an interest in reading or pursuing information.........?

themull1

Mojisola wrote: »

But do you trust everyone she might come into contact with on the net?

How is a child expected to know that the friendly girl she is sharing info with is really a 40 year old !!!!!phile? Vigilant parents might spot inconsistencies that wouldn't be noticed by a child or would see when the chat started to get into dodgy areas.

She doesnt have a facebook account, and doesnt chat to anyone on the net, she watches Downton Abbey and other programmes, and uses it for her homework. Thats it, not every 13 year old is being groomed by a !!!!!phile!

littlerat

I was trusted at a young age by my parents. That included things like gaming. And chatting to strangers. But I knew never to give out any identifiable info (first name and country was the most anyone got, I guess with a really rare first name that could be an issue though) and the couple of times people got creepy, I ignored them from then on. If somebody had tried to meet me they'd have gotten a nice "go to hell"

Half depends on the child - some people can be massively different from others at the same age, so some may be able to be trusted at 12, some 16 year olds can be idiots.


I'd have very much disliked not being trusted with my own accounts etc. And if a 16 year old can legally move out and have a child with somebody, I definitely think parents have no right to be invading their privacy.

A diary though is even more personal which would make it worse than fb, emails etc.

thegirlintheattic

I think part of it is if it is done with knowledge i.e. does the child know you do it?

I think a diary is too private, and I wouldn't go there unless I had serious concerns or if was life/death.

I'm will be overly cautious with any future children, because my parents were very lax (although there were good points with this) and at the age of 12 I was chatting to strangers in chat rooms etc. and there was one guy in particular, looking back on it, that was probably after more than a chat if you get my drift. He once asked me to meet up with him and I said no but I dread to think what might of happened.

I too often see parents who have no idea about what their child gets up to - staying up till 4-5 in the morning on COD, texting hateful messages to other children, posting inappropriate photos on Facebook.

Hermia

barbarawright wrote: »

Surely you *never* tell a parent what books a teenager has out, regardless of subject? In the library I work in, once a child gets an adult ticket (at 13), their parents no longer take responsibility for their books and we don't give out any information about what they have out. And yes, we get the same sort of queries. I really didn't believe it when I started working there but it happens a lot

Our adult tickets don't start until 16. Parents are still the guarantors on their child's ticket until they are 16. Your system sounds much better.

Hermia

Jinx wrote: »

In saying that I was surprised when the library issue came up, I would never have asked a library what books my daughter was taking out, it just wouldnt have occurred to me! Plus why would you censor an interest in reading or pursuing information.........?

I used to work in a library in a middle-class area and those parents were quite keen on banning books. I knew quite a few kids who were not allowed to take Jacqueline Wilson books out. Books with working class characters and which were about issues were not liked by parents. I think those parents would have had the little darlings reading Enid Blyton until they were 20 if they could.