Whats the difference between spying on your children and checking on them?

BLUEBIE

Thanks for your replies, my daughter deosn't keep a diary, I only check her fb, texts and internet history for the reasons most of you gave above. I just wondered if I was wrong after the last post.

ciderwithrosie_2

I have never read any of their text messages, private emails nor do I know any of their passwords. If you have concerns about how they are interacting with all this social media then maybe they're not mature enough to have facebook accounts etc. Plus the fact that we only had a family PC in the lounge and until they were 18 and able to get a contract for themselves they only had cheap PAYG phones. If kids have unlimited access to these things up in their room then more often than not this is how problems start. I agree with what Marisco has said, spend more time together as a family and keep those communication channels open.

paul2012

I think you kind of answered your own question..spying is reading his/her diary without her knowledge checking on them is like you said checking fb message etc

Ames

I think there's two differences. Firstly, FB/Twitter etc are public, whereas a diary is private. Secondly, there's a risk from other people on FB etc, whereas unless you're Harry Potter or Ginny Weasley, there's no danger from a diary.

74jax

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Does she know you are doing it?

I think that's the main point, if she knows then you can not be 'spying'.

My DD has given me her passwords for Facebook, her bank account, her BB etc. At first I did go on and read stuff, now I don't.

Trying to find out a password and then going on behind someone's back is spying (in my opinion).

If DD said 'look read this' then I would, if I found her diary it wouldn't really enter my head to read it, but if I found a piece of paper on say the dining room table with 'I heart xyz' on I'd probably read it, as it's there.

rachbc

The only thing on my sons fb I look is his profile as we are 'friends' - I don't check his private fb messages, emails, texts or Skype. We've talked lot about staying safe and he only communicates with people he knows in real life not strangers

gibson123

Text, messaging and any other communication between friends would be spying.

Checking on public viewing and news feeds not at all.

Diaries are just too private.

Jinx

When my daughter was younger and was online, it was a condition of use that I could 'check up' on her. This meant going in and peering over her shoulder, asking who she was chatting to etc

I have never read her text messages, emails and would not read a diary. If they are too young to be trusted with content of email or text then they are too young to have a mobile or unrestricted internet access imo.

Hermia

peachyprice wrote: »

A diary is something else entirley, it's a very private thing, unless it it written at the kitchen table and left around for family reading it should be considered their own private space. A diary is journal of your childs deepest most private thoughts and it written for their eyes only, to read a diary of a child without their consent is spying and is the ultimate betrayal of trust.

IMO.

I agree. I think everyone, no matter what their age, is entitled to a private space. I really don't like those parents who think they are entitled to know everything in their child's head (their dreams, fantasies, likes, dislikes).

I work in a library and get very annoyed with some parents. We get parents who will sit there and painstakingly go through every book that their very sensible 16 year old child is taking out. We get parents who ring up and ask what books their teenage kids have taken out. If I see the kid has got a book out on a deeply personal subject (e.g. a guide on coming out for gay teens) I claim the computer has gone down and I can't access their record!

Jinx

Hermia wrote: »

I agree. I think everyone, no matter what their age, is entitled to a private space. I really don't like those parents who think they are entitled to know everything in their child's head (their dreams, fantasies, likes, dislikes).

I work in a library and get very annoyed with some parents. We get parents who will sit there and painstakingly go through every book that their very sensible 16 year old child is taking out. We get parents who ring up and ask what books their teenage kids have taken out. If I see the kid has got a book out on a deeply personal subject (e.g. a guide on coming out for gay teens) I claim the computer has gone down and I can't access their record!

I think you sound like a fab librarian I agree completely with your post - I dont understand these parents who think they should know everything about their child while they are under 18 etc.... Ignorance can be bliss........