How to approach this

sulkisu

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Sorry guys I know I'm not explaining myself very well (bit of an emotional week) so can't really explain myself.

I do understand its his decision but I can't help but feel that the extra costs involved (regardless of who finances it) don't justify the experience....I would have totally a different attitude if there was a qualification at the end of it

The other thing (in my mind at least!) against going is that if he did go then he would be coming back to do his 4th year practically on his own - apparently its very rare (I know!) that a student chooses to do this year abroad - and effectively would be studying with the next year's freshers (the final year of both the 3yr and 4th are the same)

You have explained yourself very well, but the point that everyone is making is that frankly, it's not up to you and whether you think it's a waste of time or not, it still isn't up to you. No doubt your son will do many things in his life that you feel are wrong/pointless/whatever, but as an adult, he needs to do what he feels is right and you need to learn to stay out of it.

floss2

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

???

I have absolutely no idea why the OP has issues around this - hence asking what the issue actually is.

I was seconding your question

mountainofdebt

I just wanted to say thanks for ALL the responses.....

He is an only child but its not a case of empty nest syndrome....I think its more a case of being fed up of him not thinking through the implications of his choices, and the week we've had have just highlighted that flaw in his character to the nth degree. And I think I was more than a tad emotional when I initially posted (dont' you just love the internet!)

If he really wanted to go then I wouldn't stop (honestly!) him going and tbh I said before he went away to Uni that it wouldn't surprise me in the least if he tried to complete his degree at the host university.

So thank you all once again
X

Savvy_Sue

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I think its more a case of being fed up of him not thinking through the implications of his choices, and the week we've had have just highlighted that flaw in his character to the nth degree.

Then that's the thing you need to approach, the fact that he doesn't think through the implications of his choices.

However, I know we've all been banging on about him being an adult, and he is, but he's also still a teenager, and that 'flaw' is one he shares with the majority of young people, IMO.

Generally, they grow out of it. Partly they grow out of it just because they grow up, but it helps them if they actually HAVE to think things through, and face the consequences when they don't.

I think I've done reasonably well with my 3, but I still struggle not to micro-manage them when they're back home. Silly example, when it's just me and DH, we buy milk etc as and when we need it - I don't use a lot, so really it's up to him to think about it, because it will be him who can't have his cereal in the morning if we run out. And we rarely have bread at home, because we don't eat it.

But when the boys are home, I always seem to be fretting about whether we've got enough milk and bread. Now, DS2 just goes and buys more if we've run out. DS3 will eat something else. Neither of them will ever starve ... and I need to accept that!

RadoJo

Would you be happier if he could take the final decision later on in the course? University makes kids grow up a lot over the first year particularly, but continuing after that too, so if he doesn't need to make the decision immediately you might feel more confident in his choices when the time actually comes.

mountainofdebt

RadoJo wrote: »

Would you be happier if he could take the final decision later on in the course? University makes kids grow up a lot over the first year particularly, but continuing after that too, so if he doesn't need to make the decision immediately you might feel more confident in his choices when the time actually comes.

I know the decision doesn't have to be made right now (in fact i'm guessing that he could swop to the 3yr course as late as the 2nd year) and I guess that's one (!) of my character flaws !

He does have to make some decisions in the next couple of weeks which may have a bearing on whether he stays on the 4 yr course but at the end of the day what I guess what I need to tell him is not to change courses but to realise that his decisions have implications that he has to take responsibility for.

Thanks once again
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Tish_P

I still don't understand what it is that you're actually worried about. What are the "implications" of taking a year abroad that concern you? Dozens of people in this thread who know about science careers have assured you that doing the year abroad is a really good idea for your son. What exactly is the problem? Is it just the cost?

Hermia

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Generally, they grow out of it. Partly they grow out of it just because they grow up, but it helps them if they actually HAVE to think things through, and face the consequences when they don't.

I spent four months in America when I was student (three months working and one month travelling) and it was that experience that made me grow up and think things through and face the consequences. There's nothing like landing at the airport at 3am in a strange country and realising mummy isn't there to tell you how to get to the hotel!

Although my four months abroad was really just a jaunt and had nothing to do with my degree it definitely helped me get interviews when I finished university. Several interviewers commented on it.

Savvy_Sue

Hermia wrote: »

There's nothing like landing at the airport at 3am in a strange country and realising mummy isn't there to tell you how to get to the hotel!

:rotfl: and the thing is, you know she's still there, you just don't want to phone her and admit you need her for a simple thing like that.

The hardest thing I've had to do recently is put DS2 on a train to London, to go and live in a hostel until he found accommodation, because he'd got a job and didn't want to go and stay with Grandma. I said to DH "This feels WRONG! I want to TAKE him!" and he agreed. But DS2 was only taking a rucksack, so he didn't need us, and was quite happy on the train, and he'd found somewhere to live within 24 hours ...

And I know he will get in touch if there's a problem. 18 months ago he went round Europe with two friends, and there was the 'we've lost Fred' incident, with an email which started "So, things have gone wrong" and ended "I'll try to keep you updated. Please don't worry too much, but helpful advice would be appreciated..." - and what started that? they hadn't thought to enable their mobile phones for roaming! Oh, he'd lost his passport too, that was an expensive bit of thoughtlessness - for him, not me.

Mrs.W_2

I can see the sense in a straight three year UK based study course. Particularly if your offspring won't benefit from learning another language or attain additional qualifications along the way in that year abroad.

But as we all know, where our offspring are concerned, we can only offer advice and opinions.