How to approach this

cazziebo

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Se....I would have totally a different attitude if there was a qualification at the end of it

Seriously, speaking as an employer, qualifications are ten a penny these days. If this is giving your son the chance to be in the 0.01% who take the year abroad I'd be urging him to grab the opportunity with both hands.

It will open way more doors, and more interesting doors, than a bare degree.

(My friend is a team leader in a call centre for a satellite TV co. Every call handler in her team is a graduate, one has a first in maths and two have law degrees. Nowt wrong with call centre jobs, but I doubt very much it was the ambition of these young people when they set off on their studies)

19lottie82

OP, I'm a little confused. You're not really making it clear why you're not so keen on him going..... You have mentoned money, but seem to be skirting round your reasons somewhat?

Are your concerns purely financial, and you will have to foot the bill? If so then this is understandable given your username.

If this is the case you will need to sit down with your son and plan how this year will be financed. Lay down clearly how much you can afford to support him, and how much he will need to come up with by way of his student loan and a job.

If this proposed year away isn't for 2 years then surely thats 2 summers of FT work that he can use to save up? (and possibly a pt term job?)

This sounds like a great opportunity for you son, and as he has his heart set on it, so I can't see any negatives apart from the potential costs tbh.

trolleyrun

Let him go. I don't know your REAL reason(s) to try to get him to stay at home. I did my whole uni course abroad and I had to pay full "foreign" uni fees, mounting up to a lot of money, but I had a part time job after the first year and I worked all hours during the summer holidays. Yes, I'm still paying it off, but it has left me with invaluable experiences that I wouldn't want to be without.

I suspect you don't want him to go because he'll be far away. If this is the case, then please set your own feelings aside and let him free. If you're supportive of him going (not necessarily financially), he'll appreciate it forever. If you discourage him and he stays at home because he thinks you don't approve, he will eventually resent you.

If you're worried about the financial side, tell him he needs to find a job asap and save every penny, as you can't help him financially. He might have to get a student loan (if he hasn't got one already), but that's the way things go. He'll earn it back eventually. He might want to search online to see if he's eligible for some kind of grant or scholarship.

Having done my studying abroad, I'm all for others doing the same. I know not everyone can do it, but your son has this great opportunity. He'll come back wiser, more mature, happy and excited. Please do let him go.

Craftyscholar

So he is in the first term of the first year of a four year course.

How did you come to "have it confirmed" that the third year abroad "has no bearing"?

Who supplied the 99.9% only do 3 years?

SpottySocks

Do you finance his Uni education / living costs? I'm really struggling with understanding why this is your situation to fret about! I'm wondering if you finance his studies, hence feeling you have a say.

poet123

OP is this more about empty nest syndrome or him being far away and not wanting to come home again after University? I suspect this is either your first child or your last or the only one who has gone away.

When they first go away this is the time scale when you miss them most. The excitement of getting them off there has waned and you just see the empty bed when you pass their rooms. They probably don't ring as much or come home as much as you may have hoped. These are all normal feelings, and trust me they will pass. Don't let these feelings push you down a path that is not the right one for your son. Apologies if I am wide of the mark here but that was my gut feeling reading your OP, and I have been there!!

ShAnE

Only read the first page so apologises if this has already been covered by why exactly are you against this?

I studied abroad (only for a the autumn semester) and it was a brilliant life experience. Not only that but it also made me stand out from the hundreds of identical graduate CV's (I also did the placement year) and gave me a topic I could talk about with great confidence and enthusiasm during interviews/date/etc.

I should mention, I studied towards a computer science degree, and my university abroad was in North Carolina, USA. So the quality was no higher than back home, and apart from spelling colour c-o-l-o-r I learned no new language skills.

Cost wise, apart from the flights over there, it was actually cheaper living in the USA than renting in outer London at the time.

fredtheguava

I did a four year degree with compulsory year abroad in an English speaking country. If I had wanted to skip that part, I would have had to change courses, but that is by the by. I chose that course specifically because of the year abroad even though it would have been easier, quicker and cheaper to do 'straight' English.

That year was hands down the best year of my life until very recently, and I am now approaching 30. I learned to be even more independent than I was - I had thought I was pretty independent but being 4000 miles away forces you to stand on your own feet! - and I came out of my shell in a way that I couldn't have imagined. I made friends, I fell in love, and I excelled academically as a result of the increased options. It has left me with lifelong friends and a desire to use the confidence I gained in almost every aspect of my life.

I don't have a clue what my parents thought about me going away. Admittedly they didn't fund my university experience in any way, but I literally never asked. I was an adult - albeit a young one - and I felt able to make that decision.

In terms of 'value added' - my year didn't contribute to my 'core' degree result. BUT the skills I learned in that year definitely helped me to achieve a higher classification than I would have otherwise. I would not take back that year under any circumstances.

My parents took the opportunity to come and visit and we had a lovely break together in Canada and still look back on it fondly. If they had even tried to suggest that I not do that year, I suspect it would have caused a rift between us in a big way. That was the first really 'adult' decision I made and my goodness I feel it was the right one.

Obviously this is just MY experience. But I would tread VERY carefully in any suggestion that he change his plans.

The other thing I should mention is that I have Asperger's. Social communication is not my strong point, and yet moving away from my comfort zone - something that in every day life is hard for me - is still up there in the best experiences of my life. I can only imagine what it might be like for someone who could embrace it fully!

kyana

let him do it, it will be a fantastic experience, though difficult.
He will still be eligible for student loan and will probably get erasmus of around £100/month on top of that so it shouldn't be an issue financially.
Living in a new country is fantastic for confidence and if he is able to learn some of the local language (if it is a non-English speaking country) even better.
I agree with everyone who says this can only be a positive thing and look good on his CV.
If he likes to travel this is one of the best ways to do it! Especially if he ends up in the centre of Europe. I spent a year in Austria and it was so easy (and cheap) to travel by train to Hungary, Germany, Italy, Czech Republic etc. The best experience of my life so far, I think a year abroad should be compulsory for all subjects!!

Sambucus_Nigra

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Sorry guys I know I'm not explaining myself very well (bit of an emotional week) so can't really explain myself.

I do understand its his decision but I can't help but feel that the extra costs involved (regardless of who finances it) don't justify the experience....I would have totally a different attitude if there was a qualification at the end of it

The other thing (in my mind at least!) against going is that if he did go then he would be coming back to do his 4th year practically on his own - apparently its very rare (I know!) that a student chooses to do this year abroad - and effectively would be studying with the next year's freshers (the final year of both the 3yr and 4th are the same)

Again, what are you actually approaching? Telling him he can't go, that you can't afford it, that you think 1/4 of his degree time will be a waste of time, that he won't be able to hack his 4th year with students younger than him?

Until you know what you are trying to approach and why, how can other people on here assist you?