Don't really know where else to turn?

LunaLady

paul123456 wrote: »

Haha this is where the sob story part comes in to play I fear?

Basically my mother got remarried, had two more children and my stepfather has always disliked my biological brother and I. It has now come to the point where it is causing arguments, as since I turned 18 he has wanted me out.

How is your mother reacting to this?

paul123456

miduck wrote: »

In that case I'm with McKneff, wait it out for as long as you can, get some savings built up, and then you'll be able to move knowing you have that security together. In the meantime, could you both look at evening jobs, to get some more income, and it means you don't have to be at home so much?

Yeah, that was sort of the plan for now. I've though about getting a second job but the only problem is the current one is killing me as is. I'm out of the house from 6:30 till 6:00 (which I'm not complaining about really) and the random days I work make it hard to get something around it.

McKneff

Well there is always compromise, there must be a reason why your step father dislikes you. Ask him, that's the adult thing to do. Are you a bit 'I dont like you either' kind of guy.

Have you tried to compromise, tried being nicer or more house friendly, do you do chores, help out with washing up, cleaning. etc.
You may not be the easiest person to live with, If he sees you taking advantage of your mum this way, then he is going to react.
Have a think about it. Are you to blame for half of it, now be honest with yourself as well as us.

paul123456

McKneff wrote: »

Well there is always compromise, there must be a reason why your step father dislikes you. Ask him, that's the adult thing to do. Are you a bit 'I dont like you either' kind of guy.

Have you tried to compromise, tried being nicer or more house friendly, do you do chores, help out with washing up, cleaning. etc.
You may not be the easiest person to live with, If he sees you taking advantage of your mum this way, then he is going to react.
Have a think about it. Are you to blame for half of it, now be honest with yourself as well as us.

Obviously your only hearing my side of the story so, but trying to be honest...I think so? There was a stage where I really honest to god tried to be nice and sociable but it seemed the nicer I tried to be the worse he got, we don't speak at all now. I pay rent, do my dishes/washing, buy all my own food keep myself to myself and never leave my room except to eat. It's not like I ask for anything?

And no as you may have guessed I don't particularly care much for him now, to begin with he was nice but as soon as he got his foot in the door... I think the majority simply stems from the fact that I'm not his "child" and he wants the bedroom. Who knows? This is all getting a bit subjective anyway..

FBaby

your situation is not desperate, far from it, it is just that you want things to happen immediately whereas the circumstances are that you need to plan it.

The only thing that seems to be in the way at the moment is your girlfriend only working 8 hours. That's just not enough. She might be waiting for her perfect job, but if she wants you to move together, she might need to take anything in the meantime whilst continuing to look for her perfect job. The two are not incompatible.

Once she works closer to 40 hours a week, then you will find you will have enough to save for a deposit and then afford something together. In the meantime, you will hopefully be working on a contract, or if not, will have realised that you need to look at something else.

Until then, you will have to cope with living with her family who are very kindly opening their door to you.

paul123456

FBaby wrote: »

your situation is not desperate, far from it, it is just that you want things to happen immediately whereas the circumstances are that you need to plan it.

The only thing that seems to be in the way at the moment is your girlfriend only working 8 hours. That's just not enough. She might be waiting for her perfect job, but if she wants you to move together, she might need to take anything in the meantime whilst continuing to look for her perfect job. The two are not incompatible.

Once she works closer to 40 hours a week, then you will find you will have enough to save for a deposit and then afford something together. In the meantime, you will hopefully be working on a contract, or if not, will have realised that you need to look at something else.

Until then, you will have to cope with living with her family who are very kindly opening their door to you.

I never said it was desperate, but everyday bickering is starting to get more tense. and as for my girlfriend she is only contracted to 8 she generally works around 30 though. Thanks for your opinion.

McKneff

To be honest, I think you have said a lot in your post that i can read between the lines.

You stay in your bedroom except to eat/

If I married and my new OH had a daughter who stayed in her bedroom and only came out to eat then, sorry but my opinion would be much the same. I would think her/him pig ignorant and not care enough to want to be with the rest of the family. Presumably this has not happened overnight but it is food for thought looking at it from a different perspective. I would be 'encouraging' you to move out too.

What is your mothers take on this, does she agree with him or are you both putting her in the middle of all this.

Anyway, i;m digressing, cant help anymore so I;m orf.

Mojisola

paul123456 wrote: »

There was a stage where I really honest to god tried to be nice and sociable but it seemed the nicer I tried to be the worse he got, we don't speak at all now. I pay rent, do my dishes/washing, buy all my own food keep myself to myself and never leave my room except to eat. It's not like I ask for anything?

And no as you may have guessed I don't particularly care much for him now, to begin with he was nice but as soon as he got his foot in the door... I think the majority simply stems from the fact that I'm not his "child" and he wants the bedroom. Who knows? This is all getting a bit subjective anyway..

McKneff wrote: »

You stay in your bedroom except to eat/

If I married and my new OH had a daughter who stayed in her bedroom and only came out to eat then, sorry but my opinion would be much the same. I would think her/him pig ignorant and not care enough to want to be with the rest of the family.

I don't think that's fair. It sounds as if Paul has made an effort. It's not an unusual story for adult children not to be accepted by a step-parent!

Paul - not all shared houses are horrible. It would be worth looking again at what's available locally before the situation at home gets too bad.

whitewing

I think having a chat with someone from Connexions may help. Although primarily for under 20's, they can help up to age 25 in some circumstances (although I am not sure what those circumstances are)

http://www.connexionslive.com/

Wig

Have another go at living in shared accomodation, look until you find a nicer one, with nicer people. That's what a lot of people have as their only option, and there will be better places out there you just got to find them. Maybe living with the landlord/landlady scenario as then the place is generally going to be kept better. But then again maybe a live-in landlord/landlady would have reservations about letting to a young couple, as opposed to single people.

If you are going to look for a new place, then tell your mum that you are looking again, she can then use that info to keep the peace in the house for a bit longer.

Good luck Paul.