Family has owed me £1000s for almost 10 years - please help

somethingidontno

dealer wins - the money wasn't gifted, I have a copy of the land registry documents which name me as a charge! She knew on what she was borrowing the money on all three occasions and all three loans have been recorded in black and white by our solicitor. I also have a son, and if I had gifted my daughter money, then I would have gifted them equally.

NeverEnough/kerri gt - thanks for your sound advice, I appreciate it. With regards to a valuation of the property, I do have a key (as in effect, I own 10% of the property, if the value is c. 100k!) and, whilst I am sure it wouldn't go down well if I were to just let myself and an Estate Agent in, I DO have the right, as listed on my copy of the Charge, to enter the property for inspection at any time.

I would need to know if the equity was there to pay me the 7.5k before I started proceedings, else there is no point in even trying.

This is all so stressful... I wish it could be some other way, but I can't just let 10k go down the pan - I think I deserve at least the same standard of living as my daughter is enjoying - on my money!

paddyrg

Crunch time - is it worth £10k-odd to lose a daughter/grandchildren and for your son to have to choose between you? Yes, it's crappy for sure, but that's what it comes to - a family split and these things tend to stay as rifts for generations. It's really sad.

A friend's mum just died, without seeing a whole side of her family. Her daughter and grandkids (who are completely innocent - they're kids!) couldn't go to her funeral. Those kids have uncles and aunties they will never get to see, they have cousins they cannot play with, it is heartbreaking. There are so many bad things in this world, life has twists and turns, but in the end we all die - would you regret losing half your family for the sake of a few grand?

chanz4

hope x2 names are not on the registered owners, as if they are you wont be able to force the sale

Malky

I think you need to go with your head and not your heart on this one and force the sale of your childhood home. I know it seems a shame to have to do this but you need to put your health and your future first. You've appeared to have given your daughter plenty opportunities to pay the money back but has chosen to splash her cash on 'stuff' instead of paying you back. Get the house sold and your money back then move on and enjoy the rest of your life.

worried48

I can certainly understand your resentment. However from your daughter's point of view, she may actually believe herself to be a lot worse off than you are. She may well think she is already living at the minimum cost she can and that you are being unreasonable. if she is your only child, she may also be figuring that the house will come to her in your will anyway and therefore that it makes little difference if she treats it as her own now.

I have had a lot of money from my parents during my life, so I can sort of identify with your daughter, though there was no question of any loan arrangement in my case. That said, I do think she is behaving very badly. The issue is whether your need for the money is such that you want to risk a permanent rift between you.

somethingidontno

Malky, thank you! You speak real sense!

worried48 - I also have a son, to whom I have already made an inheritance gift when my daughter bought me out - her 50% of the then equity and the right to take over the house was her agreed inheritance. I am in rented accommodation so I have nothing else to give - all my money is tied up in that house. I was a single parent for 9 years during which time I put my children first and have carried on doing so into their adulthood.
I now feel it is time for me to live a little, to have a few home comforts, which is why I want repaying.

Vikipollard

Go for getting your money back. She has no intention of paying you back ~ and if she thinks she's entitled to it because she'd inherit it anyway, well the c*w needs to wait until you're dead first for that :mad:

If she is going to festivals/on holiday she can afford to pay you back. She shouldnt need to be asked ~ after all, she wasnt shy about asking for the money in the first place was she?

Is it worth damaging your relationship for? As others have said, it's already broken and she isnt trying to fix it. To be brutal, she's likely to only ever come with her hand out anyway, so save yourself the pain.

Pursue the charge on the house and go for the small claims court. If she cares about you and your situation (on DLA), she will understand why you've had to do this and do the right thing AND try to repair your relationship without asking for anything. I doubt that will happen though.

SHE doesnt care about the damage the non-payment of the loan is doing to your relationship. Ask yourself, why should you?

Good luck OP.

sharp910sh

somethingidontno wrote: »

Malky, thank you! You speak real sense!

worried48 - I also have a son, to whom I have already made an inheritance gift when my daughter bought me out - her 50% of the then equity and the right to take over the house was her agreed inheritance. I am in rented accommodation so I have nothing else to give - all my money is tied up in that house. I was a single parent for 9 years during which time I put my children first and have carried on doing so into their adulthood.
I now feel it is time for me to live a little, to have a few home comforts, which is why I want repaying.

Do not just get the £2.5k Get all the monies she owes you. If the house has to be sold. So be it. She is taking liberties.

Blue_Vervain

You planned (from the start) to charge your daughter interest on a loan to "help her out".

I salute you ... you are indeed a moneysaving expert!

borkid

worried48 wrote: »

I can certainly understand your resentment. However from your daughter's point of view, she may actually believe herself to be a lot worse off than you are. She may well think she is already living at the minimum cost she can and that you are being unreasonable..

This has nothing to do with the daughter's perceptionof how well off she is compared to her mother. She agreed a loan and a repayment schedule which she didn't stick to. I have 2 adult children and have lent money and gifted money to both. The loaned money is always paid back and on one occassion my son was short one month asked if he could have a holiday payment. Now we just gift them the money because we can afford to but it does mean they feel embarrassed about asking although I think I am finally getting through to them its an early inheritance.

The OP daughter does need to get things sorted, trouble is so many 'children' think what is parents is theirs. Luckily mine just borrow my breadmaker on indefinite loan.

To OP I hope that you can get this sorted out it must be heartbreaking for you.