In despair, dont know what to do for my dog.

calicocat

I am no expert but I have had a few dogs (mainly rescue),and yours sound really stressed. If you don't mind me saying,so do you,understandably,and your dog will pick this up. Have you had the dog from a pup ? Or a while if 7yrs old ?.....as your post reads to me that you are finding the behaviour at the moment unusual the way I have read it.........so this could be fixable with some work ( not easy granted at the moment for you).

Totally from a personal point of view I feel passing a dog around to new environments just compounds the stress, so if you can get help in your own house with family this is beneficial....but I do understand not trusting a dog as had this myself .can family members come in to spend time with it on a 1:1 basis whilst you are busy ?

Horrid situation and I hope you find a solution, and there has been good advice on here.

I hate hearing of vets that won't help in these situations and do a payment plan etc , luckily I haven't needed to so far, but I always go with independant vets ,who get to know me and my pets,and have a more personal approach.

Again I hope this works out ok.x

krlyr

calicocat wrote: »

I hate hearing of vets that won't help in these situations and do a payment plan etc , luckily I haven't needed to so far, but I always go with independant vets ,who get to know me and my pets,and have a more personal approach.

Sorry, but why should they? My vets are absolutely fantastic and don't insist on immediate payment from me (can call up or pop in later if they're busy/I have my hands full with dogs), will direct claim from my insurer, have given me a discount etc. at times but I understand that it's completely at their discretion, and most likely because they have had an awful lot of business from me over the last 10 year!
OK, OP sounds to be genuinely in need but she is not alone - where do vets draw the line? Do they ask for some kind of proof that the customer is genuinely suffering financial hardship? If so then this isn't far off how the PDSA etc. work so the customers could make use of those services too.
Vets are businesses and while many are in it for the love of animals, they have to be realistic. They have to make a profit, or at least break even, to remain open for business. Letting bills slide or doing payment plans (that may not be followed through) for customers won't help in the long run when they have to close down for running at a loss business-wise and can't help anyone.
It sounds like OP could sort out her home situation and claim benefits making her elible for PDSA or similar vet schemes so hopefully that can be achieved. But I don't think any regular vet should be expected to have to subsidise every customer automatically. Unfortunately there are too many people who would take advantage of this kind of scheme IMO, and at the end of the day a pet is a luxury, not a necessity.

rising_from_the_ashes

pinklemonade wrote: »

Hi, Thanks

Im in Widnes, North West.

Im not claiming any housing benefit or council tax benefit as he wont change his address. I cant even start claim tax credits as they view him as still living here.

I have looked at charity options but didnt seem to be able to find anything I could use.

Hope I've got the right council but you can google if not

http://www3.halton.gov.uk/adviceandbenefits/welfarerightsandfinancialadvice/

Please contact the Welfare Rights team - there must be a way of you being able to get him declared as not living there so you can get the help you're going to need.

As others have said, this may then entitle you to help from the PDSA or other charities ...... I do also agree that it sounds like a behavioural issue due to all the upset that's going on. She will be missing your partner and will also be picking up vibes from you as you're obviously upset and stressed atm.

Wishing you the best of luck

calicocat

krlyr wrote: »

Sorry, but why should they? My vets are absolutely fantastic and don't insist on immediate payment from me (can call up or pop in later if they're busy/I have my hands full with dogs), will direct claim from my insurer, have given me a discount etc. at times but I understand that it's completely at their discretion, and most likely because they have had an awful lot of business from me over the last 10 year!
OK, OP sounds to be genuinely in need but she is not alone - where do vets draw the line? Do they ask for some kind of proof that the customer is genuinely suffering financial hardship? If so then this isn't far off how the PDSA etc. work so the customers could make use of those services too.
Vets are businesses and while many are in it for the love of animals, they have to be realistic. They have to make a profit, or at least break even, to remain open for business. Letting bills slide or doing payment plans (that may not be followed through) for customers won't help in the long run when they have to close down for running at a loss business-wise and can't help anyone.
It sounds like OP could sort out her home situation and claim benefits making her elible for PDSA or similar vet schemes so hopefully that can be achieved. But I don't think any regular vet should be expected to have to subsidise every customer automatically. Unfortunately there are too many people who would take advantage of this kind of scheme IMO, and at the end of the day a pet is a luxury, not a necessity.

I totally agree they are a business and need to make a proffit and wouldn't expect anything different. Maybe I have been lucky and I have used local vets who tend to know you etc so would make allowances for people they knew in temporary or unusual hardship.
Luckily I have never had to,but feel for those who do.
I guess I just feel sorry for a person who suddenly can't afford vets fees....and the pet who needs seeing.

Errata

Just ask yourself if you're happy for the dog to snap at you again, for the dog to snap at your children, for your dog to snap at your new baby. If your answer is NO then your first responsibility is to your children, your new baby, yourself and visitors and the dog needs a new home.

krlyr

Errata wrote: »

Just ask yourself if you're happy for the dog to snap at you again, for the dog to snap at your children, for your dog to snap at your new baby. If your answer is NO then your first responsibility is to your children, your new baby, yourself and visitors and the dog needs a new home.

Any dog has the capability of snapping. They're living beings, not emotionless robots, and I would give my dogs some leeway in a stressful situation. Not to say I would completely forget it had happened, if I had a child to worry about I would certainly be taking some precautions, but a snap would not have me sending the dog straight out of the door. It's OP's decision, but to me 7 years of no problems (if OP's had the dog as a pup) would definately be looked at vs one brief blip which has occured in a very upsetting time for everyone involved.

ALIBOBSY

To start with re proving he has moved out contact all the utillities and get anything in his name transferred to yours, also notify the credit ref agencies to put on a notice of dissasociation. I would also return any letters addressed to him as RTS no longer at this address. Definately pursue the benefit claims, you should be able to declare him as no longer at your address and although they may insist on doing a visit to check thats not an issue as they will see he is not there. If you have a forwarding address for him pass that on to any companies to update.

Notify tax credits you are now single or if not already make a fresh claim asap. Also unless he is making some kind of payment for your child, pass things to the csa, he can't just walk away from the responsibilities he has to his children. Surely you get some child benefit as well?

Good luck
Ali x

mrs_sparrow

I am sorry to hear about your troubles but my friend got Tax Credits as a single person when her husband was still living in the house so I am pretty sure that you can claim, even though he is saying he lives there. This will have no bearing on anything other than (possibly) council tax benefits. You will be able to get legal aid and see a solicitor and get him removed from the tenancy if you have to. Are you saying he will not take himself off the tenancy? Please see if you can get to or call the CAB and they will help you.

Do you have stair gates? Get one for the kitchen and keep the dog in there whenever you are not around. This is going to be hard for your dog as the whole dynamic of the house is going to change now.

Where is the dog going when you go into hospital to have the baby? I really do not think moving her elsewhere is going to help with her stress, I think that like a child she is attention seeking and a little bit stressed. Did your ex spend time with her, say cuddled up on the chair and things like that? That could explain why she is weeing on the sofa.

You also say the dog is fine when you sleep downstairs, she is lonely and wants to know you are not going to leave her as well.

Get rid of the bin and use bin bags, we do not have a bin anymore as the dog turns it out.

Put newspaper down and confine the dog to the kitchen at night - if she wees, come in, clean it up while completely ignoring her - do not punish or shout at her as this gives her attention, you need to ignore her and if she comes to you, send her to her bed. Praise her loads when she has not wee'd anywhere, even if it is after having been out for 20 minutes.

I agree with the t-shirt idea. I've got a thundershirt and they work wonders for calming a dog down.

We do not actually know why the dog snapped, she could have grabbed her, scared her or yelled at her so let's get the snapping issue out of the way at this moment, she has not done this before but she may have snapped in the same way you have probably snapped at her for weeing everywhere - maybe she is scared of you now. We do not know this, only you do. Stair gates will solve this issue for now and will keep the dog away from the children.

However, if you are finding it hard to cope then please do not feel bad taking her to a shelter, you have not failed her your ex has failed all of you and this is not your fault. The dog is grieving for your ex too though, please remember that.

zaksmum

Errata wrote: »

Just ask yourself if you're happy for the dog to snap at you again, for the dog to snap at your children, for your dog to snap at your new baby. If your answer is NO then your first responsibility is to your children, your new baby, yourself and visitors and the dog needs a new home.

I think the reality is that the dog might NEED a new home...but she's unlikely to get it.

A staffie will struggle anyway with rehoming. This one has a history of snapping and that would have to be disclosed. She's also become destructive, for whatever reason.

Who's going to take her on under these circumstances?

moggymutt

Try the independent rescues, I know that they are under great pressure at the moment, but they might be able to have your dog in a foster home for a few weeks and try and help her get back into a routine.

Stress with your partner moving out, and you so close to giving birth will be affecting your dog a lot. I think that this situation will just continue to get out of hand because you are under such a lot of pressure. As a stressed tired mum with a newborn I cant see you being able to sort this out with some help.

My thoughts on your partner leaving you in this mess are pretty unprintable. Get CAB help, and contact the Welfare Rights mentioned above. If you have any joint accounts (probably not), empty them before he can.

Good luck. I just hope that someone in your area can help you and your family (children and dog)..